A letter to my wife:
I just want to say a few things to you. I am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.
I learned the hard way that the only way to deal with our current situation is to try to understand eachother better, instead of losing my temper over frustrations about what I don't understand. So I am trying very hard to understand.
I have felt overwhelmed in the last several months with a desperation to try to understand you, your decision to become a witness, and all the implications that will come from your decision. It consumes my every spare moment. I think you have sensed my emotional and mental exhaustion. Unfortunately, I feel alone in this search for answers. Maybe I am wrong but I don't get the sense that you are trying as hard to understand how this change is affecting me, our lives together, or what I hoped and was made to expect our marriage would be.
Let me explain. In a sense, I think you feel this was the right thing to do for you. Since you are utterly convinced of that, it seems to me that you think your job is done. You have done the right thing. There is nothing left for you to consider. I also feel that the only legitimate response expected from me is to agree and join you.
But right and wrong are only moral choices. The realities of life requre us to deal with consequences as well. Obviously you feel that the benefits of joining far outweigh any costs. But there will be costs. All choices have costs. And you are not the only one who will bear them.
Even if you are morally right to join, I don't think it frees you from any concern about how I feel. If I am morally wrong for not joining, I don't think that means my thoughts, feelings, and concerns can be simply dismissed as unfortunate but invalid. Do you think that? I am not saying that is how you look at it. I am just saying that is how I feel sometimes. I need to know that my thoughts, feelings, and concerns matter to you beyond how they relate to my anticipated conversion. I am more than just a potential convert. I am a person. I am your husband.
Maybe you don't know how to approach me. But all I want and all I have to know, is that my thoughts, feelings, and concerns are important to you. Otherwise, I will keep feeling alone in this. And I don't think I should feel that way. This is your marriage too.
All my love.
Your husband and brother in His service,