You might be a JW -
If you're a woman who's been an "ordained minister" for 20 years but you've never given a sermon in your entire life.
If you're NOT a member of the census bureau but you regularly drive down unused overgrown dirt roads to make sure there's no one living at the end.
If you're a Christian but you vehemently object when anyone calls your spiritual place of worship a "church".
If you think the story of Jephthah sacrificing his daughter to make God happy belongs in a children's book.