Do those that shun us not love us?

by logansrun 74 Replies latest forum announcements

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  logansrun

  It is a mistake for former Jehovah's Witnesses to think that just because they are shunned by friends and family, they are no longer loved. How can I say this? Isn't shunning a horrible experience, one borne from twisted psychological reasoning? Yes, it is. Mandated shunning from a powerful and misguided religious organization is a great sin against both the person shunned and those who are obliged, yes obliged, to shun them. Nevertheless, outward actions do not adequately reflect inward longing, and we would be wise to reflect on this fact when considering those that shun us.
  

  When I was twenty years old my best friend was disfellowshipped. I was recently appointed a ministerial servant before this and was making great strides "in the truth." When N---- told me he was going to be disfellowshipped it came as no surprise, for although he was like a brother to me I always recognized him as "spiritually weak." I said my tearful goodbye and encouraged him to make a comeback.

  For nearly two years I did not speak to him.

  As I look back on this time -- and the year I didn't speak to him when he was disfellowshipped yet again! -- I feel great regret. But I never ever lost my love, my philia, for my brother. I thought of him often during this time of incommunicado and longed for his return. Sometimes I wept for him. But I never spoke with him. My loyalty to what I thought God wanted for me was greater than what I felt was a temporary and necessary punishment for the everlasting benefit of my greatest of friends.

  Can you really blame me? I didn't want to shun my friend as much as a parent does not long to spank their child. The reason I want to make this clear is that so often ex-Witnesses feel that just because their family or friends do not speak with them they no longer love them. Not so. Unquestionably, their actions are misguided; I even call it a sin. But a misguided love is a love nonetheless, yes?

  I think this is an important recognition to keep in mind if we are to keep a sense of sanity about the weird condition of our relationships with those that shun us. Their actions are not the product of a purely premeditated and free will to hurt us, but the outcome of deeply misguided reasoning, feared punishment and loyalty to an erroneous view of the God of the Universe.

  Those that shun us do not necessarily deserve our anger, but our sympathy.

  B.
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  Lehaa

  Those that shun us do not necessarily deserve our anger, but our sympathy.

  I tend to agree.

  They just believe what we used too.

  Did we hate those that we shunned, no, we just did what we thought was right.

  What I find heartless is when they say if we need help to just call, we call and they don't answer. That I can't forgive or understand.
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  FMZ

  Brad.. this goes right along with my post a while ago. I don't hate Jehovah's Witnesses, I hate the belief system. They are good, loving people (for the most part) trying to do what they think is loving.

  FMZ
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  Lady Lee

  Extremely well stated Bradley.
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  GetBusyLiving

  I totally agree with you, but its tough to remember that when an old witness friend walks right by you in a supermarket with their nose up as if you aren't even there.. :)
  
  GBL
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  jeanniebeanz

  Those that shun us do not necessarily deserve our anger, but our sympathy.

  I disagree. Love is shown by our works or our actions. Shunning, an action, is not loving. It follows that those who shun do not love or do not know how to love.

  At any rate, I'm done with the lot of them. Were they to come back into my life begging for a relationship, I'd tell them to hit the trail. People are accountable for their actions and "I was just following orders" is no excuse for evil behavior.

  J
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  logansrun

  I disagree. Love is shown by our works or our actions. Shunning, and action, is not loving. It follows that those who shun do not love or do not know how to love.

  At any rate, I'm done with the lot of them. Were they to come back into my life begging for a relationship, I'd tell them to hit the trail. People are accountable for their actions and "I was just following orders" is no excuse for evil behavior.

  So, you are telling me that my love for my friend when I shunned him was a false love? And what retribution in red above!

  B.
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  silentWatcher

  I strongly disagree. Let's take your argument to the limit. A Jehovah's Witness in Atlanta several years back killed his family to ensure they recieved the reserrection hope. Was killing his family a loving thing to do. Probably not, since it is illegal.
  
  Shunning is a form of emotional abuse, since it is intended to hurt the shunned one. Hurting another person is NEVER loving.
  
  I guess those that protect child molesters in the organization are showing love as well by your definition.
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  silentWatcher

  >> you are telling me that my love for my friend when I shunned him was a false love?
  
  Well, it's the moral eqivalent of telling a molested kid to "walk it off and be quiet, so as not bring reproach on Jehovah's good name"
  
  -silent
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  jeanniebeanz

  In my opinion, yes. Just as I was a complete braindead idiot to do it to people when I was a dub. Personally, I have sent those people letters of apology for my actions at the time, but expect no reply. It was an unloving, evil thing to do and I fully expect that I have been repaid in kind. Sort of a Karma thing.

  People use whatever coping methods they can. My anger has kept me alive through the worst of times and I hang onto it in part as self-defense. It is my own defense to an unjust, bewildering and devastating betrayal. Under the fluffy silly exterior, my heart has become a hardboiled egg toward my prior family and friends.

  Am I not entitled to an opinion?

  J