low self esteem issues....need some experiences.......please

by eye 23 20 Replies latest jw experiences

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  AlmostAtheist

  Due to the issues already mentioned, many found they were no good for the Watchtower. But that's a far cry from "no good for God".

  Your friend needs to think about all the times in the Bible that serving God was shown to be wholly separate from serving any organization. Job was great with God, but didn't serve with any organization. Honest hearted Israelites knew their kings were corrupt, and didn't worship the Baal idols as they were instructed. But they served God in their own way anyway.

  Dave
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  joannadandy

  At age 8 I was ready to off myself because I didn't think I'd be able to live through the great tribulation anyway - I guess I wanted to take things in to my own hands?

  For me it wasn't just WTBTS related. I wasn't good enough for my religion or my family. I still suffer from low self-esteem. I am the WORST when it comes to just simply accepting compliments. It's something I struggle with and try to break myself of - but it's really an uphill battle. I definately think LEAVING the JW's helped, and having some knock down drag out fights with my parents.
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  eye 23

  Thank you all so much for your replies My friend although knowing that it is all now rubbish! has had problems with her fiance as he has had a 'normal' life and she lost her mum at an early age (around seven) and then was introduced to the witnesses by a relative.

  needless to say she has had feeling of 'not being good enough' for a very long time and it has spilled over a little in her relationship... he, on the other hand, finds it difficult to understand why she has such hang ups about ex- girl friends etc

  I think if he realised that being once a JW promotes a feeling of 'not quite reaching the mark' it would help him to understand her more and thus give their relationship the insite it needs to grow.

  being part of a cult is IMHO is both mind and soul destroying and I wish them all the happiness of a normal and loving relationship.....

  so any advice and/or experiences would be invaluable

  thanks again

  eye 23
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  ScrappyKat

  I have suffered from depression and low self esteem, (actually I dont have any self esteem) since I was 7 years old. Thats almost 25 years. such a great life
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  rebel8

  There are many....the first one that comes to mind is the constant use of cows as a symbol of women in the literature, and the attitude that women must be reigned in in order to not accidentally seduce or "stumble" the beloved men...and the attitude that "young people" in general were sins waiting to happen, as if they have no judgement or morals at all.
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  toladest

  I agree with the part about never being good enough. There was always more we could do no matter how much we were doing. Even at age 15 as an auxillary pioneer I was pushed to do more.

  I think what effected me the most was being told education was not as important as the preaching work. I was pulled from school in the 6th grade and never recieved structured education after that until I left the WTS at the age of 27. By then I felt like a Beverly Hillbilly. I married young (17) and did not work outside the home, even though we really needed the money, as this was very frowned upon in the KH. Then when I started questioning the WTS and their handling of child molesters (or lack of handling) I felt like I was going to drag my husband and kids down and Jehovah would end up killing us all. I had serious thoughts of suicide. Thankfully, I found out what liars the WTS are and I furthered my education on my own. I recieved my GED and took some college courses. I got a job and have since become a licensed insurance agent. My husband has also advanced his career to the point of being a regional operations manager in a large security systems business. He never could have achieved that as an active JW, although he still struggles with feelings of not being good enough. (had a lot to do with his family as well as the JWS)

  Life was hard and sad and depressing as a JW. Life is VERY GOOD now.
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  FMZ

  I applied for baptism twice... both times I was told I needed to raise my hours. The second time I made a point to tell the elder I have a problem with going on the ministry because of my social anxiety problems. I still wasn't good enough for God. That sent me into a 3 year depression.

  FMZ
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  luna2

  I started studying just as my marriage to my emotionally abusive ex was ending. I think I thought that this "loving" group of people was just what I needed; an added bonus to having discovered the only true religion. Was I ever delusional. Ho, ho, ho.

  I worked for a couple of "friends" in the months before and a couple years after I was baptised. Looking back, I'm surprised I made it all the way to baptism. I have never, before or since, worked for more difficult people. They were demanding, nasty, dishonest and extremely selfish and manipulative...but somehow they made it seem like they were the ones doing more than their Christian duty by employing me. It was demoralizing. When you add to that all the admonishments we would get at every meeting about doing more, and more, and more; and If you're depressed it must mean you don't pray enough or go out in service enough or make the meetings enough or have enough Bible studies, a person gets pretty beat down. It's a system of brow beating, blame, and guilt trips. By the time I'd been a JW for five years, I had health trouble, no insurance, no money and not a shred of self-esteem left at all.
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  zulukai

  Eye-23 If you are still checking your posting of a couple or three days ago, I'd like to add my two cents worth and holy COW, I never realised so many x-dub women have such emotional problems. I was a wild-child from early in life and always was a thinker of my own thoughts. I thank God that I kept that independent spirit because the moment I made the decision to break free I felt a powerful release from all that crap that I can never forget. The JW religion has many similarities to radical Islam. LadyLee mentioned the burka...she is right on because what happened to us is effectively the same. You become hidden away. you become null and void as a woman. It's as if you go into a sleep. I remember hearing brothers making some very sexist comments, I saw brothers ogling "worldly" women openly on many occasions. I remember being put down too, only I never let them get away with it. Some of the brothers were afraid of my observations on their double standards too. The thing that restored me to full function, however was to go to school. There I found out that my outspoken ways were welcomed even encouraged. I at last was free to be me. Acing college level subjects gave me in a very short time all the confidence I needed. The Witless religion suffocates intellect , it wants compliant ninnies ,it treats women like they're semi-retarded children. In order for that fakery to continue it's in their best interest to suck the life out of you so that you can almost not function without it. It has always struck me as very significant that the watchtower crappola will not tolerate any view of women that does'nt fit the scenario of the 1950's.They are stuck there, they recognize nothing but their own backward view. Just getting out of that Black Hole of religious shite should make you proud, girl! I now believe that the JW religion is a sinister and frightning cult just like radical Islam. There are too many similarities to get into here. Thank God we are OUT!!!!
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  dh

  Well, I was born into it, so I didn't have a chance to begin with a normal self- esteem.

  same here, my points of reference were sort of non existent, your personal troubles don't matter because there is paradise coming... why try to fix something now when you can wait until the 'new system' and it will all be fixed for you... jw's are trained to feel as though they are fighting a struggle against the whole world, and in doing so, normal feelings gets trodden on and belittled.