Family ,what would you do (page 3)

adelmaal

It sounds to me you are in need of closure. If for nothing else but yourself. Do what you need to do now, while you still can, to get the closure you are desiring. It's not like you can't go and tell her how you feel about what she did or did not do to you and your other sister. If you need to forgive her you can do that as well (forgiving does not necessarily need to mean forgetting). Go and have a conversation with her. Get it out so you can move on.

While it's awful what happened, it sounds like she was somewhat a product of her upbringing. Definitely not a valid excuse for the mistreatment of others though. I am glad you have been able to move ahead and become a good person in spite of your upbringing. It sounds as though your sister was not as strong as you were.

HadEnuf

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh (((((kls))))) !!!

What a rotten situation. A lot of good advice here though. I sit here trying to think of what I would do if I was you. For myself, in this particular situation, I would probably write a letter to her about my feelings of hurt for what she did to me...it might include my forgiveness for the hurt she caused or no forgiveness. I would put the letter on her bedside table (if that is okay with the nursing staff) along with a single rose. I would kiss her cheek, cry alot and get out all those feelings of hatred, if that is even possible. Kind of a ceremony of sort to give myself the peace I NEEDED, not for her.

Even though she is braindead...you would have made the effort and could live with the knowledge that you made some sort of "peace" with her at the end.

Extra big hug

Jez

I hold grudges for a very very long time. I do not know what I would do in this situation but it would bug me about whether or not how I feel right now has been exaggerated over time, in my mind or not, would that change if I saw her, spoke to her? Is my anger blocking my vision? Would my anger lessen or increase? I am just too curious of a person to not have questions like that answered.

Family is overrated. Just because you are my sister/brother/mother/father etc...does not automatically mean I love and respect you. I guess love/respect are so entwined that if I don't respect someone, I can't love them.

But this is not me, this is you, so only you know what you can live with. Perhaps, go to her room, look in the door window....then decide what you want to do. Take your time and take one step at a time. Just by considering this as an option is one step. Just go to the hospital. Just walk to her room. Just look in the window. Just go in. Whatever, at each 'step' of the way, only you can decide whether you will continue on or turn around.

((kls)) Jez

Seeking Knowledge

(((KLS))))

I second most of everyone's posting. If it were me, I'd go make peace for myself. Forgiving does not mean you have to forget, but you need to move on with your life and do what's right by you. I'd go & get closure, and then be happy with yourself for being able to put a bad experience behind you and move on.

Good Luck!

SK

Big Dog

Whatever you decide to do KLS I'll be thinking about you. (((((KLS)))))

love11

bascially brain dead in a nursing home

The visit is not for her, it's for you. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but she's probably not going to be around much longer. Say your peace. Just because she turned out to be a bad sister doesn't mean you are. Free yourself with the gift of truth, knowing that you are much more of a caring person than she ever was in her life.

kls

For all those who want to know what i have decided and thanking those who answered this post . I have read and reread your answers many times in making my decision but first let me explain why i came to the conclusion i have and please DO NOT take this as a sympathy reply because it is not but my reasons for my decision, i have been treated all my life like shit from people everywhere from the mother ,father sister and so on ,i have had buther knives thrown at me had loaded shotguns pointed at me ,been punched ,hit with boards ,whipped and put up for fostercare but was taken in by a blood sister that took me for my SS checks and now she lay in a vegatative state . Can i forgive and turn the other cheek ? no, i can't so my decision is that i can live without ever seeing her again and if there is a God then she will have to make peace for the things she has done along with all the other pieces of shit people that have treated me like the shit on their shoes and that goes for my loving jw husband.

Before i can here to jwd i can honestly say i hated people and totally wrapped myself with animals ,something that loved me and i could love back but since coming here i found real people with real love for each other and my hate has gone . Thats to say i will ever forgive what some have done but i can go on with out them.

Thank you all for being you and showing me what people are really like and i love what i see.

Chia

I can't imagine being in your shoes. I'm proud of you and I respect your decision.

kls

Update , i never went to see my sister and was told she died Sunday . Her condition was that of Terry Shivo and there was never any hope for her .

I am not posting this for any kind of sympathy. I feel sad but can live with the choices i made but would like to send flowers and only know that she is being cremated . I have had no contact with the family but was thinking of sending flowers to her wake if she has one, and want your thoughts on if this is appropriate ,or do nothing.

Thanks in advance

damselfly

I think the flowers would be a lovely gesture in your sister's memory. If you didn't want to send them to the wake you could save them for the gravesite if she is buried after cremation. I am sorry for this sad time for everyone invovled,

Dams

Family ,what would you do

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