I also think flowers would be a good idea! I am sorry for your loss KLS
Family ,what would you do
((( KLS ))) I think flowers sent to a family member close to your sister might be a good thing. It could help bring final closure to you. I'm grateful for you that "it's over".
Hugs and much love
Trust your instincts and compassion, ((((kls)))). They'll indicate the right thing for you to do. It may be best just to say goodbye from a distance. Sometimes, breaches of trust can never be forgiven. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you. If the way to take was clearly marked, it wouldn't be a decision .
kls: I know the following is different than your situation, but I post it so that you can take what you want out of it.
My JW brother fanatically shuns our Dad. (inactive, remarried, not df'ed) I have always said that if my brother ever turns up at my Dad's funeral someday, I will personally escort him out. If he can't or won't show his respect/regards/concern/love when he is alive...then why the hell do it when he is dead? It would be purely for selfish reasons as it would only serve to ignite the pain and anger within those of us that loved and valued him. Part of living with HIS decision to shun Dad, will be to bear the pain of his loss, alone.
BUT, your sister hurt you...so if your decision was to not see her in the hospital when she was still alive, then all I encourage you to do, is ask yourself...why now? From your earlier posts, it seemed like you DID have closure. Maybe just, really really, let go.
kls I am sorry for your loss. Your sister, of course, won't know you sent flowers. Just the family members. What will they say, when they see who sent them?
I think that I would rather find an appropriate chairity, to send a card to a main family member. Chairities, are really hurting right now, with the hurricanes and economy.
Consider a child abuse chairity. etc............... I can't think of any more right off that would just give you one more zing. Just my thoughts. HL
I don't know about the flowers. It could backfire on you. I wouldn't.
Thanks so much you guys and i have been reading and thinking about what you all have said ,i am still unsure of what to do but i think ,
Jez,HL and Soledad maybe right and i would not want her family to think i gave these flowers to them for their benefit. I talked to my brother and sister about what they are going to do and they said pretty much what Soledad said ,it will all blow up in your face if you try to make any kind of condolences and this part of the family are not nice people . They like to threaten and get even if they feel they have been wronged in any way and they are all alcoholics.( mean ones )
But thanks to all of you for giving me my options and as usual helping me see from all sides.
Sick minded families really suck
I'm sorry for the whole blasted situation KLS. You could do the flowers but I think what some of the others have said may be true. Would you become a subject of gossip at the wake? You could maybe just but an ad in the paper in memory of... and send donations to some child abuse place or Silentlambs and suggest others do the same. Just a thought. carla
I talked to my brother and sister about what they are going to do and they said pretty much what Soledad said ,it will all blow up in your face if you try to make any kind of condolences and this part of the family are not nice people .
How about sending flowers to the brother and sister that IS talking to you, if you can do that and to hell with the rest of the family?
That might give you the closure you need, if you need it, kls.
Well my sisters death notice was in our paper and not even a mention that my sis has other sibblings,Oh well what did i expect. The real thing that got me was her and her husband have been divorced for about 7 years and the article read" Loving husband" ,since when .
Anyway ,sorry to bring this back up but i am going to do is donate the money i would have spent on flowers to SilentLambs in my sisters name. They need so much help and their cause is so great that i feel this will help the children .
Love ya guys and thanks for the thought and the help