How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

by Thegoodgirl 66 Replies latest social relationships

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  Thegoodgirl

  Okay, I know this is personal, but I kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.

  My husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend. I was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff. It turned out only 4 ended up going, My husband, a guy, and two women. I called my husband this morning at his hotel room (10 am his time) and one of the girls answers the phone having just woken up. (The room is is my husband's name.) She sleepily hands the phone to him and he sleepily talks to me about nothing, and doesn't even mention why he is sleeping in a hotel room with the girl instead of the original set up (guys in one room, girls in the other). So I hang up and start wondering. I call back, furious, and his story is that the other guy/girl duo revealed that they have been secretly dating, and wanted to stay in a room together. So instead of getting a third room, he just sleeps in the room with the other girl. I find this odd, but don't want to be paranoid. At any rate, the girl gets on the phone and assures me nothing has happened, and they even get the other guy from his other room to reassure me that the story is true.

  I would appreciate any advice or clarification. Don't want to be that paranoid JW wife, but I also don't want to be a total idiot to the obvious.

  GG
• 

  vitty

  One question you could ask yourself, Do you THINK he would? We are all capable of doing things we shouldnt. But is it unlikely of him to do this?

  I dont THINK my husband would, but only he would KNOW

  Sorry for not being very helpful. Its a horrible suitation to be in
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  minimus

  Ummmmm, Sorry. But I don't believe this at all.
• 

  wanderlustguy

  So instead of getting a third room, he just sleeps in the room with the other girl. I find this odd, but don't want to be paranoid. At any rate, the girl gets on the phone and assures me nothing has happened, and they even get the other guy from his other room to reassure me that the story is true.

  Even if he is not cheating, this is totally inappropriate behavior for anyone who claims to be committed to somoene else...would be different if he called you BEFORE this happened. The other guy is gonna back up the story, that's the way it works.

  There's no way to prove it, but if you don't make it a big enough deal (assuming you believe the story), you become the gullible wife that will believe anything. Of course there is the other extreme where you piss him off because he didn't do anything, and he does something out of spite. Man I hate relationships.

  You should be beyond furious.
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  upside/down

  Why didn't he call you and give you the scoop beforehand?

  Is the co-worker and him "close"?

  Was he in the same bed or on the floor?

  Look him in the eye and grill him... watch his reactions.... he either made a seriously stupid "choice" or he's lying.

  Either way he needs to have acts befiting "repentance"... he'd better be kissing your ass BIGTIME! (Flowers, candy, jewelry, din din etc.)

  Make it clear that this kinda SH*T will never happen again. No excuses.

  To answer your question- YOU DON'T!!! (see some of my posts) And "good" people always seem to miss or ignore the OBVIOUS- I know, I did!

  u/d (of the hang in there till you "know" class)
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  Billygoat

  I agree with a poster above: even if this isn't the type of behavior he'd normally have, then it is STILL completely inappropriate. A smart committed person doesn't put themselves in a situation to even "test" the boundaries. The way I look at it is this warrants a face-to-face conversation when he returns home. Besides if the other couple wanted to stay the night in their own room, they could have forked out the money to buy it themselves.
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  tyydyy

  Classic cheater MO.------Make the accuser feel silly for being suspicious when caught. Next he will be indignant that you could even think he would be cheating on you. He will point out that you're looking like an uptight jealous wife. If he really was cheating, there he will be angry when he gets home instead of begging for forgiveness.

  If I were in bed with someone who isn't my wife and the phone rings in my room, you'd better believe that I'm the one answering the phone first unless I'm in the shower. Innocent or not. If I've gone to the trouble to have coed sleeping arrangements for a co-workers sake I would at least tell the girl that she shouldn't answer the phone. Sounds like he's full of sh%t to me. Your intuition should tell you though.

  Sorry you're going through this. It's a painful situation even if he isn't cheating. Hang in there.

  TimB
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  Thegoodgirl

  Thanks so much for the comments.

  He says it was a room with two twin beds. He is friends with the girl, we've gone to party at her house and gone out with groups a few times. She's single. I don't really know if he'd cheat on me. We've been married about three years, no kids. He's kind of flirtatous with people at his work, but I think it's just friendliness(?) He was going back and forth as to whether he should go or not since I couldn't go. She was actually the one who was calling and trying to get a yes from him, but I think that's just because she wanted a bigger group...

  Anyway, I think you guys are right that I should make it clear that I'm upset. I really appreciate hearing your opinions, I just have no one to tell that isn't already friends with him. (Except my sister and my mom, who will remember this forever if I tell them and who have both had marriages end in divorce when the guy cheated.)

  GG
• 

  FreedomFrog

  She was actually the one who was calling and trying to get a yes from him, but I think that's just because she wanted a bigger group...

  That right there sounds suspicious already. Did she ask you to come? Was she calling before she found out that he may be going alone. It sounds like she's trying to weaken your husband. She may have more plans than just wanting a "bigger" group.

  Wow!!! This would make me VERY angry. I AM a jealous wife...and I feel I have the right to be. He's MY husband and I'm not willing to share...EVEN if it is innocent.
  
  
  
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  Qcmbr

  Go find someone who is a friend (male), arange a date (have him in on it) make it well known to your hubby and tell him since he's decided to sleep in the room with other women you've decided to spend more quality time with other men.
  
  
  I'm kidding but what a wally!