How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

by Thegoodgirl 66 Replies latest social relationships

  • bikerchic
    Peace and love, my friend.

    awww thanks.....

  • love11

    Any man with common sense, is going to know that sleeping with another woman in a hotel room is not going to be ok to do. Even if the situation turned out to be exactly as they say it happened- Why put yourself in that position? If he truely is honest about this than one of them would have slept on the floor and they also would have woken up way before 10am.

    Ask yourself a few questions- Are your husband and you that poor that he would jeopardize his marriage to save on hotel cost? After finding out how upset you are over this situation, are they going to continue to sleep next to each other? Why did he find this acceptable behavior, what justified this? Were they drinking the night before? Are they around the same age or type to each other? What are your instincts telling you? How long have you been married? What is his track record like?

    Good Luck in finding the truth- good or life rearranging.

  • codeblue

    wow....I see red flags in your marriage. (sorry to say that to you)

    My first JW husband cheated on me (several times) and before he told me, my "gut feelings " already did. Sometimes we can love someone too much and not "allow ourselve to really see what is happening".

    I tolerated his affairs, because I loved him. But sadly, I loved him more then he respected me and our marriage.

    Allow him to feel what he did is ok, and you will see more red flags soon. Your self respect will diminish to feelings of worthlessness.

    Once the trust is broken, you can never go back to the precious state you enjoyed.

    Be true to yourself....Take care of are worth so much more than a husband that acts like a teenager with no responsibility or conscience to his vows to you.



  • talesin


    My heart sank when I read your story. It could have been my friend L, 15 years ago. She was engaged, and living common-law at the time. Exactly the same thing - work trip, 2 couples, his single friend & one of the girls hooked up, he SAID he had to share the room with the other one. But she did not believe him.

    She called me up and asked me to come over. She was distraught. We decided to do a little check in his home office. I picked the lock on his briefcase.

    There it was, all the proof she would ever need. A love letter (with her home phone # included), Visa receipt from a piece of jewellery he had bought the other woman. It was just horrible. So, she called the woman's home, and her live-in boyfriend answered. He said she was away on a business trip, and could he help her? She said no, I'll call back next week. No sense in telling him what was going on, that would have just been mean. So, I waited with her till her fiancee came home, then left for them to work it out.

    Six months later, she married him. Go figure.

    Anyway, I don't want to upset you, but this sounds so fishy. And I agree with Six --- sounds like a test of how much of this kind of crap you will take. Sorry.

    You are NOT being paranoid and don't let him tell you that you are. As one poster said, that is classic manipulation --- turn it back on the innocent party and try to make them feel guilty. grrrr Especially if he is flirty, well, he needs to know that you are not comfortable with that.

    Good luck with it, I hope it turns out to be okay!


  • PinTail

    Hay honey I am a man and have dated many women in my life and I have been in that situation many times, I don't have to have sex just because its there or the women wants it.

    It could be young guys who can get it up if they see two dogs ding it, but still if a guy has is strong in him self and just has some back bone (no pun intended) he don't need to hump just case its there.

    Babe he did not do it, you know your man, just cause he is next to some cake he won't eat it, again no pun intended).


  • Dragonlady76

    Sounds fishy, I think he had this all planned out, now the hard part is how you deal with it.

    My husband cheated on me, he admitted it to me. I was beyond pissed, but forgave him....or at least I thought I did, that happened over 3 years ago and I still angry at him, what happened has really hurt our relationship, so I am seperating from him. Just so you know that wasn't the only problem we had in our marriage, if you have a good relationship with your husband other than this incident, and you are willing and able to forgive then there's your answer. Good Luck, I know it's tough.


  • freedom96

    I don't know your husband, and I certainly was not there in the hotel room, but either way, he should not have been in the same room at all alone overnight like that.

    Just not cool, and has given you reason to worry. He should have been more thoughtful, and not put himself in that position.

  • Sassy

    there certainly are red flags there....

    and like others said.. no reason really was good enough for her to be there..

    when my first husband cheated on me.. after ward I saw signs.. he changed.. music tastes.. even his physical hygeine...

    and a lot of things I did were wrong..

    I think it helped him excuse what he was doing..

    if everything else in your lives feel right and normal.. then just watch him.. maybe he was on the up and up.. but if there are other red flags.. you have some thinking to do

  • Serenity Now
    Serenity Now

    We tend to see others through the eyes of our own character. Despite very obvious evidence, I didn't realize my ex-husband was cheating on me until well after our divorce. Everybody else knew. Because I loved him so much that I would never have ever thought of cheating on him, I assumed he felt the same way about me. I believed every strange story he ever told. Boy, was I wrong. Best to find out now because, for me, I remember going out to dinner with a group of people and thinking at the time that all of the people I loved most in the world were around that table. I felt so happy. Later, I discovered that each and every person at that table knew then that he was cheating on me. Makes me very suspicious and over ten years later I still don't trust happiness. Find out now or it could have a negative effect on your emotional health for your whole life.

  • pleaseer2001

    I truly can say how I feel right now...wouldn't be the best advise.

    What I would say from experience is comunicate...ask questions be honest...then listen to what you know best!

    YOU!!!!!.....what makes you happy!....and what you feel!


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