How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

by Thegoodgirl 66 Replies latest social relationships

  • orbison11

    if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck,,,,,it ain't chicken:(

    if you have even the slightest feeling in your gut about his cheating, then you are probably 99% right


  • FMZ

    Something similar has happened to me. Absolutely nothing went on, but from the outside it looked dodgy.

    I was naive and stupid to sleep in there with her, but I figured it would be OK as long as nothing happened. She didn't try anything, I didn't try anything, we literally just slept (I slept on the chair, she slept on the bed). At the time I was too naive to realize just how bad it looked. I had to quit my job over it.

    Is he a cheater? I don't know. Could he have cheated? Yes. Could he be telling the truth? Yes.

    Was it stupid? Very.

    Just give the guy a chance, is all. I've been there.


  • Billygoat


  • tijkmo

    you have to at least consider that hes telling the truth...he might have decide to get another room and then been shouted down...peer pressure works at any age....important thing for you is to tell him that it is unacceptable and must never happen again and for you to believe him that 1....he is telling the truth...or 2...something did happen and he is sorry

    you dont say if there is a jw connection here but if so dont involve the elders cos they dont have the first damn clue and anyway their priority is not in helping you...if nothing happened then move on and dont ever bring it up again...if something did then either forgive and move on or dont and move on...tij

  • SixofNine

    Sounds kind of like a test to me. Am I right, at least on some level? Sounds kind of like he may have failed.

    He's never given me the slightest reason to doubt him though. :-)

  • simplesally

    FMZ, why did you have to quit???????

  • FMZ

    Thanks Billy, :)

    Sally... very long story. It upset a lot of people, including the coworker I shared the room with, my father (who also worked at that hotel at the time), and my father's boss. It was all very messed up, every day at work was made miserable after that.

    Again, stupid and naive.


  • AuntieJane

    DEFINITELY smells fishy to me. Don't talk to you family about it, that is a wise decision. Never share these things w. family members in case it does turn out to be purely innocent...they will never forget it even if you do. However, in the case of abuse, etc. definitely let family know.

    NOW...I have to believe this is not totally innocent. The phone calls from this one girl to him particularly is a red flag. I would be FURIOUS if my husband thought he could pull this off and it would be OK with me. I would let him know exactly how I feel and that I would consider reporting this to his supervisor at work. What kind of guy would even consider pulling this off and thinking his spouse would be OK with it?

    However, I do believe in giving him ONE chance; if he doesn't have ANY other history of this kind of behavior, then give him the benefit of the doubt...BUT be watching and listening and don't trust him for a long time . A friend of mine was Best Friends with her co-worker, who she found out had been having an affair with her husband for months before it all spilled out. And I mean they were serious Best Friends. I couldn't believe it could happen and because of this I Know it is Better to expect the worse than assume innocence.

    Good Luck, Keep us posted!


  • Thegoodgirl

    One more piece of information. He was telling me before the trip that he suspected "other guy and other girl" had something going on and he was reluctant to go because he thought whole situation would be awkward if the other couple admitted it. I said yeah, it will be, but I didn't want him to miss out on the trip just because of me, so I encouraged him to just go (as did the girl who slept in his room, and she was encouraging him after she knew I wasn't coming.)

    As for the JW portion, I was raised JW and baptized, now I'm inactive for 5 years. (Husband has no JW background, is agnostic/atheist.) I just sometimes think that the "No platonic relationships" rule that we had as JWs seeps into my thinking, so I'm always aware of it and try not to be too paranoid when he's friends with girls at work.

    SixO'Nine, what do you mean a test?

    Again, thanks for the straightforward opinions, it helps to think through all angles, and as FMZ said, it may have been just a really stupid but innocent decision on his part.

  • Nancy Drake
    Nancy Drake
    He was telling me before the trip that he suspected "other guy and other girl" had something going on and he was reluctant to go because he thought whole situation would be awkward if the other couple admitted it.

    Sounds to me like he's setting up the lie for you right there. If you call and she answers he already has the perfect excuse. You sure this little arrangement wasn't "pre" arranged?

    He has a lot of time to come up with some good excuses before he gets home. He better be begging for your forgiveness.

    (((((thegoodgirl)))) sorry for what you're going through. I've been there.

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