i told my mother that i do not desire to be associated with jws anymore and

by drunkenpikachu 46 Replies latest jw experiences

  • drunkenpikachu

    she totally FLIPPED OUT. all i was trying to do was find some mutual respect for my decision but she started smacking, punching, pushing me. soon after, she threw the biggest tantrum and it disgusted me to see her acting in such a manner. i told her to get a hold of herself while she was practically ripping my shirt off and she swallowed two handfuls of aspirin tablets and now she's in the psych ward in the hospital. now..i'm fine because i've gone through worse but talk about dedication for one's religion eh? die-hard psycho dub mom. i'm speechless after the events of today. she also found out i was seeing a "worldly" girl and she goes on calling her saying she's a dirty worldly girl controlling her son. i was hoping a more christian response but damn...i guess spiritual armor doesn't do much when it's your mom and not satan going on the offensive. what to do now? i'm so numb and lost.

  • Pwned

    well i think that you should try to be loving and supportive with your mom, if you act 'rebellious' it will only reaffirm the WT's teachings of what is going to happen. are you baptized? if so she might take the hard line and shun although if you are underage they are supposed to fulfill thier parental obligations. i dont know man tough situation, but mainly i think you have to be the mature and strong one here cause obviously your mother is an emotional wreck right now. dont blame yourself for being honest.

  • the_classicist

    I sorry to hear what happened. Personally, I don't know what you could do, except to say something I would normally consider extremely corny: hope things will get better.

  • Aude_Sapere
    i guess spiritual armor doesn't do much when it's your mom and not satan going on the offensive.

    This sentence made me smile.

    And I feel guilty about that because you are in distress. (Still a great thought, though)

    I had a freak-out mom too. I wish I had some good advise for you. I'm sure someone here will.

    I went as far as paying someone (a therapist) $90 an hour so I could talk to my mom. She sat there like a spoiled child and wasted alot of time and money. Eventually, I needed to just let her know that I was grown up and an individual. I will make decisions in my own life and respect her right to do the same.

    I feel for you. What a crazy, over-reactive response. And how helpless you must have felt while she was 'whigging out'.



  • Aude_Sapere

    pwned made a good point.

    I don't know how old you are. Still living at home makes a big difference.

    I was in my 30's when I finally cut ties with mom. Until then I worked to make peace as best I could. Still dated a few worldly guys but was more discreet.


  • GetBusyLiving

    Tread lightly bro. Give your mom some time. It sounds like she might have some other issues going on and you telling her you are leaving the dubs could be aggravating it. As hard as it seems right now maybe just try to have some empathy for her if you can.. you are in a tough spot dude. Keep posting.


  • clare

    Hi there,

    Pretty much aggree with what has been said here. I was a JW when my youngsters said they wanted to leave; I didn't react like your mum but I can tell you what was going through my mind. When your youngster leaves, you believe that they have a death sentence over their heads. You think;'what was all the point of the training (and hopefully in your case) love, and hard work I put into these youngsters only to see them taken away?' Your mum truly does believe you will die, and considers worldly people 'scum' who have taken you away from her. It's like you have just told her you were dying for real. Can you imagine what that feels like? If you can then you must tread gently. You must keep your cool, and if possible show even more respect than before. If you react negatively, she will just use this as a confirmation that you have turned 'bad'. You need to show her that you still love her, and that you have not changed; you are still her flesh and blood (tell her to look at the story of the prodigal son; he was allowed to leave, and his parents still cared for him as they were constantly hoping for his return). It took me months to get my head round it, and it may take longer for your mum. Also, remember that she is completely brainwashed, and cannot think outside the 'box'; if anything she is to be pitied. Remember, that all parents in the world clash with their youngsters when they reach for independance; the love they have for them, which is probably the most intense love that exists in the world, causes them to aggressively protect their youngsters. See it in these terms, try to understand what she is going through, and when she has calmed down (which she will) just try to reassure her, be a good son and prove that you do not need the truth to lead a good life. If nothing seems to work then just keep a low profile, or if possilble move out, but always keep up contact because even if your parents are mad they will be worred sick about you. They are not capable of doing the right thing; you are. I hope this will help.

  • cyborgVision

    Yeah. I?d say be kind to her, she probably also thinks she failed at something while bringing you up. Give it a time, and after storm comes down introduce your girlfriend to her. I know it?s not easy, but best cure for everything is a kind human touch. After all she is your mom. :o)

  • moanzy

    Sorry D for having to go through that. It must be painful for you!

    I admire that you had the guts to tell your mom personally. I did it through a letter because I knew how my mom would react and I just didn't want to see or hear it.

    Keep strong though, it may take time for your mom to adjust. She looks at it like it is a death sentence because that is what she has been taught. Hopefully she will come around and see that it will all be ok.


  • what_Truth?

    Damn, I remember when i told my mom. I was 14 years old and in the middle of a study of the Live Forever book with a ministerial servant (y'all know what that leads up to). She kept asking why. I told her that I no longer wanted to live my life as a Jehovah's Witness even if it meant dying in Armageddon in a few years. She kept asking me what was so great about this old world that I was willing to die for it. I told her about my secret worldly girlfriend and the fact that I swore. (I didn't tell her about the 2 Live crew tapes and masturbation habit though).

    Truth was that i couldn't quite tell her the real reason though. I was tired of her and other people making stupid and irrational decisions and using the bible to back them up. I would say i didn't want to do such and such and she would point to a scripture and say "Isiah chapter this verse that says you have to" If that didn't work she would point to a certain ministerial servant or elder who either didn't do what i was proposing, or better yet, had said something against it at some talk or other and say "well so and so said this was wrong. do you know better than the elders appointed by Jehovah?"

    If that didn't work she would point to that page in the beginning of the young People ask book (the one with the parents doing shots drunk and the teenager looking on with sorrow) and say "it says here that even if your parents are alcoholics Jehovah still wants you to follow them. So you will honor your mother and do as i say" (She wasn't a drunk but she did have a severe perscription drug addiction. i didn't realise how bad until later).

    To me leaving the JW's was a way of getting rid of the control the powers that be had over my life. it was one step closer to being just like my worldly friends. Eventually i compromised with her. I would still act like a JW and attend the meetings however I wouldn't go door to door (I pushed this point because I was tired of feeling like a hypocrite by placing magazines that told people not to do the same things I was doing). Eventually when that got too much i moved in with my recently faded father.

    Also keep in mind that her being committed to the psych ward was because of HER issues, not yours. Don't take the blame on this one (no doubt her shrink has always told you this.)

    More importantly, if you are going to leave the Jehovah's Witnesses you better make damn sure that you do something worthwhile with your life. I'm sick and tired of seeing young JW's leave the truth so that they can party, do drugs, have irresponsible sex, and do whatever else they can to ruin their lives far more than a devotion to that fucking cult ever could. Find something that you've always dreamed of doing and do it. Remember, you no longer have some wratheful god looking down on you ready to smite you at a moment's notice. If you can't get over that fact right away don't worry. It took me years to come to grips with this fact.

    At any rate I wish you well. I'll hope and pray your mother comes to terms with this church and leaves it the way mine did.

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