I'm at the end of my rope with this JW crap

by ithinkisee 39 Replies latest members private

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  ithinkisee

  I started bringing mianture books and sets of programming problems to solve. Then I'd go to the bathroom or go out to sit in my car for 20 minutes or longer and read a book.

  I do the same thing! I write my to-do list for the next day, sketch out some database architecture or some logic for an application I am working on. I'll make a lap around the parking lot.

  If I run a microphone for the WT it is nice because I can stand up and joke around with the people in the back of the hall, or play with the babies and get them in trouble with their parents. Heh-heh ..

  I also enjoy getting magazines now and seeing what the new Questions from Readers is or something like that.

  Good stuff. (But I am on my upswing right now)

  -ithinkisee
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  TheListener

  It's amazing how our emotions go from completely fed up and we don't give a damn who knows it to -- he he he I can bring everyone out of the truth and I'm unstoppable. All it takes to switch is for your family to agree or disagree with even the most minor point.
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  seattleniceguy

  ithinkisee,

  Hang in there, man. I would have done things differently if I had the chance to do it again. Like dansk, I was so revolted when I learned it was wrong, I just quit cold-turkey and became totally outspoken in telling people why. Unfortunately, honesty and straightforwardness are not qualities that are valued among the Witnesses, at least not when they happen to run counter to dogma. I think I could have done more good if I had had a little more self-control. But, man, is it hard to keep your mouth shut when you can just see the crap all around.

  Keep your eyes on the prize, man. You've achieved mental freedom, which is the hardest part. Physical freedom will be here soon.

  SNG
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  MerryMagdalene

  Yep...if there's anything I learned from watching "spaghetti westerns" it would be:

  (1) Your "friends" aren't always trying to help you and your "enemies" aren't always trying to hurt you...

  and (2) When you're up to your eyeballs in sh!t keep your mouth shut

  ~Merry
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  codeblue

  Yes...both NOdenial and I totally understand how you feel. (we were both raised as JW's)

  Because of the blatant spiritual abuse which I could not ignore, was the final straw for me. I tried to go for 4 months, sporadically...and then just quit. It will be 2 years in June.

  Neither of us are df'd or da'd. I don't want to discuss it with any of the local JW's....(which 2 have left Memorial invites in my door, they never call to talk to me. IF they did call, I wouldn't say a word, pretend LIKE I didn't hear the invite).

  I think you have to decide what is personally right for you and your family...if you want your family to "see the real light"...you may consider fading....If you go cold turkey....it can set off huge alarms.

  Whatever you choose, you will have support here.........we have all been thru this!!!

  Take care,

  CodeBlue
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  Sunspot

  But, man, is it hard to keep your mouth shut when you can just see the crap all around.

  Yeah, that's why I just upped and quit too, after really making very sre that's what I wanted to do.

  How ironic is it that the that says to not be speaking falsehood to one another, and that has the audacity to refer to itself as "the TRUTH".....thinks nothing of covering up the lies and speaking more lies all the time.

  (2) When you're up to your eyeballs in sh!t keep your mouth shut

  That's a good #2, Merry! LOL!

  Annie
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  Jez

  Yup, I understand. I am attending for reasons that I can't discuss right now and I sit there, I sit there, they can have my body, but not my mind. For now. I take notes sometimes, but about what crap they are saying. It is like auditing a class about cults. I pretend I am a news reporter doing a piece on cult lives. I write down what ppl say, then add my own spin on it and my comments about it, I write down how ppl look, how their children look, how MISERABLE every single teenager looks, how ppl sing with NO emotion at all. I compare it to the churches that I have gone to. It makes it look like I am really interested, when what I am doing is saving my mind.

  But honestly, they won't get me anymore. I know far too much now to ever be sucked back in and that alone makes me ok. It is kind of intriguing to be there, but not THERE, not in the zone with these ppl. To sit and just observe is very interesting to me.

  Someday.....I will physically leave them, this site, everything ever connected to JW life, save for my family, who I pray are free with me someday.

  Until then, news reporter Jez on the scene tonight.......
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  eljefe

  That's the syndrom I had just before leaving not to show up at any meeting again. I felt I could pick holes in every little aspect of the WTS doctrine. The arbitrariness, the utter stupidity and the profound contrast with what I was getting at the university made me roll my eyes too.
  
  I started bringing mianture books and sets of programming problems to solve. Then I'd go to the bathroom or go out to sit in my car for 20 minutes or longer and read a book. Man, what a torture. I think this complete feeling of boredom was the no 1 reason why I left the borg.
  
  Its too true. They say you should BE at the meetings. Once you are there, you can the various levels of boredom and lack of paying attention. They don't seem to care what do while there as long as you are physically there.
  
  When I still went to the meetings, I would ignore the speaker and read the Bible. It helped me to analyze the Bible on my own to see how much it conflicted with itself.
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  moshe

  I lost my JW wife by being 'open' with her. You need an excuse to buy some time-

  I knew of an elder's wife who was in a bad car accident -latent brain damage. She had no control over what she said at the KH- boy did she give'm hell and she got by with it because she had a disability.You could fake a fall down the stairs- oh- I hit my head!

  good luck- plan your exit.

  Moshe
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  XBEHERE

  I am a master at the "internal, unnoticeable" eyeroll. I totally empathize with you... I find it so difficult to pretend that I care about any of this crap too.