I'm at the end of my rope with this JW crap

ithinkisee

I gotta say, the double standards and inconsistencies are just too much for me to comprehend anymore.

I sit at the meetings and just roll my eyes and shake my head everything they say.

The WT about the annual report and everybody turning a blind eye to the clear signs of a decrease and the obvious signs of lack of urgency drives me insane.

The way they condemn themselves in their own literature - even in the latest magazines - is almost too much to bear.

When I see a $100 check on our statement written by my wife as a donation to the worldwide work just pisses me off.

I want to wait for another month (due printing out and organizing docs for when it comes up in conversation when my wife & I start talking about this stuff, our wedding anniversary, new OM book, etc) before breaking the ice with my wife on all this but it's almost too much to bear.

What did any of you do when you felt like you were going to explode inside from the hypocrisy, dishonesty, and doubletalk?

Thanks for letting me vent ...

-ithinkisee

purplesofa

I sit at the meetings and just roll my eyes and shake my head everything they say

That's why I can't go. My disgust would be obvious.

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) to ithinkisee

purps.

ithinkisee

I should say, I roll my eyes and shake my head in a way that (hopefully) people can't see.

I'm not one of THOSE guys ... heheh

-ithinkisee

purplesofa

I should say, I roll my eyes and shake my head in a way that (hopefully) people can't see.

You probably don't have the hawk eyes and neck craners .......nosey peeps over there in Oklahoma like we do in Arkansas.

ithinkisee

Also, I must admit there are certain comforts I am just now coming to realize.

Except for the initial game of getting out of field service with my wife on the weekends, I really enjoy not feeling the guilt of missing service or meetings. With that comes the freedom of not constantly thinking of the numbers in the back of my head - if I am up to par or whatever.

Even though I came with a good letter to this congregation (same kingdom hall, different congregation) I wasn't reappointed due to some CO moratorium on appointments while they were researching other issues (not at all related to me). In the meantime I haven't really been exemplary enough to make the MS cut on the last couple of MS visits. When the elders told me what their concerns were, it was - guess what - all about the NUMBERS. Thanks guys, you just made my job easier.

I told them not to worry, I wanted to focus on my family right now anyways.

I guess I vascillate between these comforting thoughts and the sickening feeling of my initial post in this thread - probably a dozen times a day.

-ithinkisee

purplesofa

I guess I vascillate between these comforting thoughts and the sickening feeling of my initial post in this thread - probably a dozen times a day.

Yesterday, I was flowing through anger and sadness all day. I just wanted to be grounded one way or another. Then I would feel peace. I keep hoping that the days will get better, but as the thought process unfolds, the feelings go deeper and the emotions are stronger.

I think I can see you rolling your eyes.....!!!!!! OH and shaking your head!!

jgnat

I guess the only thing that would make me suggest "hang in there" were if there was any chance you can get your wife out, too. You have been undergoing an inner transformation, which makes you allergic to crap. Your wife has not had the chance to undergo the same transformation. I have seen more than one marriage go south when one partner declares, "I've finally seen the light!" and the poor partner is wondering if they even know the person they married. It is totally up to you, of course, but a gradual introduction to your revelations might be worth a shot.

Then again, I know the feeling of wanting to burst out.

There are meetings where I want to shout out my thoughts me, not some regurgitated pablum. I am right there in their midst! Can't they see me? Don't they want to hear? No they don't. They like being fed pablum with a sledgehammer. If you want to go out with a bang, you might want to try something like Little Toe's exit speech. That kind of outspokenness is very much feared by the society.

IP_SEC

Hey ITIS,

I hear ya man. I catch myself shaking my head too, when the truly braindead comments are made. I told the bros I was going out of town this past sunday, but it was mostly because I couldnt bear to conduct the WT for that week.

When I see a $100 check on our statement written by my wife as a donation to the worldwide work just pisses me off.

That truly does suck. Dont guess there's anyway you can just stop donating eh? Wife would probably notice? The other Elders? I started donating in cash sometime back and then just tapered off to $0.00. Might try that.

new OM book, etc) before breaking the ice with my wife on all this but it's almost too much to bear.

Bud be sure you are completly ready before you tell your wife, there is absolutley no way to know how she will react. My wife was very consoling at first, but now she goes through anger and sadness, its very hard to watch. What is hardest is she understands my points, but cognitive dissonance causes her to weep because of losing her 'faith', 'hope'. It is hard to watch that hope dissolve, even though you know its for the best in the end.

What did any of you do when you felt like you were going to explode inside from the hypocrisy, dishonesty, and doubletalk?

Come down here and vent anytime, let good friends listen to you. It'll get better.

Take it easy itis.

IPSec

doinmypart

ithinkisee - You're not alone. I too sit through the meetings clenching my jaw and drumming my fingers on the armrest. Much of the time I'm able to daydream or read other material tucked into my portfolio, if my wife isn't looking too hard at what I'm doing.

But on the ocassion when Bro. Speaker says something ignorant, or the publication has a stupid remark, it is all I can do to keep from yelling at everyone to, "Wake up."

And then I look around and see the faces, most of them are blank and nodding in brainless agreement. It is really quite sad. The anger & frustration ends up being replaced with sadness. Sadness for my wife, sadness for my friends, and sadness for the other 6million people that beleive this stuff.

Back to your question...I try to grin & bear it. I usually try to copy some reading material (so it is on regular paper) and put it in my portfolio. The copies blend in well with the other papers -- I carry a lot of computer printed info from WT CD ROM, talks, etc.

Dansk

Hi -ithinkisee,

I know your dilemma, but once I knew it was all garbage I was out of there quicker than lightening. I just couldn't stomach any more of that nonsense. My wife, two sons and I exited immediately - but it cost me my two daughters who are still well entrenched in the pig mire.

I wouldn't want anything to come between your wife and you, so you have to tread carefully. But there's going to come a time when you'll feel enough is enough and you'll have to talk it through with her. I only hope she will listen!

All best wishes,

Ian

I'm at the end of my rope with this JW crap

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