Mixed marriages with JWs rarely work.There are a few of us out there. And we are on this board. I still vote for not freaking out on her. Time enough for that later -- jgnat
jgnat,
The key word is "few." Few work, so the odds are significant that CYP is going to be in need of assistance from a family law attorney. The sooner he at least consults with one, the better off he will be. In the very likely event that divorce becomes a reality for him, having consulted with an attorney earlier rather than later will help him be prepared for the worst. In the event of a divorce, the Watchtower will likely support his wife and put him at a legal disadvantage, so it's best to get the upper hand early. I'm not in any way recommending divorce; rather, I'm trying to communicate to CYP that divorce is an extremely likely reality, notwithstanding a few cases where mixed marriages work, so he should be seeking advice on how to deal with what is a strong potential of a divorce situation.
I second that, jgnat. Although it's not easy - a successful marriage to a JW is very possible - I think it depends solely upon the people involved and how they handle the situation. CYP is the best judge of his wife and their situation - and while he should keep a watchful eye, I don't think he needs to run for the hills just yet. -- Rebellious Spirit
RebelliousSpirit,
While a successful marriage by a normal person to a Jehovah's Witness is indeed "possible," it's certainly not probable. I agree that CYP shouldn't "run to the hills just yet," but I do think he should run to an attorney's office immediately to plan and prepare for dealing with what is an extremely significant threat to his marriage, as well as to the psychological well being of his children, which his wife is selfishly overlooking. Burying his head in the sand and underestimating the threat he's facing does not seem wise, given the very real and extremely significant threat the Watchtower is presently posing to his marriage and family. Better prepared than sorry later.
CYP,
Besides consulting with an attorney, I recommend that you obtain a copy of "Jehovah's Witnesses and the Problem of Mental Health" (1992) by Dr. Jerry Bergman. Like myself and many others here, Dr. Bergman was born and raised a Jehovah's Witness. He has conducted extensive, very objective research that supports the conclusions that mental illness in the Jehovah's Witnesses is substantially higher than the normal population of non-Jehovah's Witnesses. Children in Jehovah's Witness households experience an extremely unhealthy psychological environment. To illustrate that point, let me tell you about my own peer group in the congregation I attended. 2 went to prison for unrelated felony drug trafficking convictions, 1 went to prison for armed robbery of a Carl's Jr., one has been married and divorced many times and has kids with several different women. One I knew seems to be well adjusted to life, but he was not born and raised in the cult; rather, he converted at about age 17. As I'm sure many on this board will agree, it is a certainty that your children will suffer at least some psychological damage if they are exposed to this abusive cult.
To that end, it might also be wise to seek the assistance of a counselor, preferably a marriage and family counselor who has had at least some experience in dealing with situations of this nature. You'd be surprised at how many of these cases are out there, and you'd be frightened to know of the psychological damage that this cult has inflicted upon hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people (particularly children).
Do not underestimate the threat this cult poses to your family. It would probably be a lot easier to deal with a situation such as marital infidelity than it will be to deal with this one. I feel very sorry that you are in the position you are in and I hope for the best for you and your family, including your wife. If I was in your shoes, the Witnesses would need police protection to be anywhere near my wife. Good luck to you and your family!