I found a big ol' fat lie again in there!

by gumby 179 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • gumby

    Some big fat liar made sumthin up again! Looky here what I went and found in the bible!

    Remember that little dove that desended down on Jesus right after he was baptised by John? Well right after that happened.....he either went to a wedding, or he went into the widerness for 40 days and got real hungry. See if you can figure out which one is the big fat lie. Sick bastard....messin with gods holy words like that!

    Either Mark or John is the liar.

    (Mark 1. 10,12,13)

    " As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven open up and the spirit desending on him like a dove.......... and immediately the Spirit drove him into the wilderness. And he was there in the wilderness forty days, tempted of Satan; and was with the wild beasts; and the angels ministered unto him."


    (John 1.32;43: 2.1.2) "And John bare record, saying, I saw the Spirit descending from heaven like a dove, and it abode upon him... The day following Jesus would go forth into Galilee, and findeth Phillip... And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage."


  • candidlynuts

    maybe he got baptized twice? he should have had to stay for the second half of the assembly day like we had to! lol

  • jeanniebeanz

    Well, can ya not see it lad? He was baptized at 11:59 pm and went into the wilderness at 12:01am. Right on both counts... Gracious! How could ya ha missed it?


    *ducks and runs*

  • Midget-Sasquatch

    Say it ain't so Gumby! Say it ain't so!

    Well there are alota flicks with alternate endings director's cuts.

    Maybe, its a 1st century equivalent. Marky and Johnny had different visions of the lead character, and made different calls on the script.

    I don't really care if its not historical and if the accounts conflict. Its still way better than the plotline of Highlander 2:The Quickening.

  • gumby
    He was baptized at 11:59 pm

    You silly....doves won't fly at night cuz they crash in ta stuff so it was daytime. Besides....the water over in those neck of the woods is colder than hell at midnight and Jesus wouldna stepped his arse in the water then.

    Sphere......so you thinkin ol' johnny boy is the big liar then and marky was tellin the truth?


  • Elsewhere

    Silly Gumby... don't you know that Jebus got baptized TWICE?

    Just like there were two different creations to account for the little "contradictions" in Genesis.

  • jgnat

    Wasn't John getting up in years when he wrote down his story? I mean, don't a lot of old dudes start mixing up the order of events?

  • Scully

    Mark was certainly the one employing exaggeration in his account of events. Try doing a word search in the gospels for the word "immediately".

    In the entirety of the NWT, the word "immediately" appears a total of 157 times. That word appears (in the NWT) 9 times in the gospel of Matthew, 23 times in the gospel of Mark, only 4 times in the gospel of Luke and 5 times in the gospel according to John.

    Apparently Mark's account of Jesus' life and ministry - from his perspective - was like a whirlwind... maybe he was having a hard time keeping up with his Master....

    Oy! Ve vas chust sittingk down and immediately He is vanting to go out to ze synagogue again! Oy! Haven't ve done enuff mirakles for vun day, Rabbi?? My feet are killingk me!

    Love, Scully

  • confusedjw

    You mean like what I mean when I tell my wife I'll "immediately" take out the trash or put our daughter to be or shovel the driveway?

  • Gopher

    Mark was telling the story from a SPIRITUAL point of view, and John was telling it from a HUMAN's point of view.

    You see, Jehover can do miracles so here's what really happened: Jesus did take a brief journey into the wilderness, and then TIME STOPPED for the rest of mankind. So, unbeknownst to them while time stopped, Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness (a total of 960 hours). And he ate nothing, mind you.

    Then Jesus snapped his fingers, everyone unfroze -- and then he hurried back to Cana to do his little trick with the wine and the water.

    It's all so simple, when you see things with SPIRITUAL eyes.

Share this