Were your parents control freaks?

by Dustin 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • kaykay_mp

    Be nice Dustin.



  • Xandria

    Yes, my mother was very controlling and very abusive. My step father was withdrawn from the family dynamics. He would be emotionally and mentally abusive. When I was with my father, I had freedom, friends, and the ablity to express myself with out fear of punishment. That wasn't the case with my mother. There were always conditions and any breech of those conditions were dealt with harshly. Til this day I mourn the losses and grieve that what should have been and could have been wasn't allowed.


  • Beachbender

    Excellent job OFC!!! Your words, all of our thoughts.

  • AshtonCA

    My parents were very strict as well. we were homeschooled, we were not allowed to play with the neighbor kids and most of the time we were not allowed to associate with the kids at the KH because most of them were "brats". To this day, I am suffering from crap that went on. I was spanked until I was 16 yo! My dad did apologize and said, they didn't know why they kept doing it, since it really didn't work on me anyway (I have ADHD and they didn't know it at the time. They just thought I was lazy and bratty.)

    They were not strict on things like the Smurfs or movies. In fact my mom ran a school in our home and we had other witness kids and one of them told another non witness kid that he was sinning because he watched the Smurfs and my mom told him not to say that and the kid went home and told his elder dad that my mom had told him not to "witness" to the other kid and they pulled their son out of my mom's school because of it.

    They were strict on the dating thing. I will say that I made it to 23 before I lost my virginity to a guy I eventually married who was also a virgin, but not a JW.

    I have crappy social skills because of how sheltered we were. I also have problems from the spankings and just the strictness of how we were treated. I have to watch it that I am not controlling myself.


  • Badger

    What do you mean, "Were"?

    It got worse the older I got. I imparted a lot of this in my story, but even a difference of opinion was grounds for abuse/punishment. and once I left home, it got worse. any independent move was seen as me rebelling...

    I guess that's why we haven't talked in over a year.

  • CrazyBlonde

    yep, total control freaks.

    Dad was (still is) an elder, mother never worked a day in her life - she is I guess what you could call a 'housemaker'.

    When I was growing up I was not allowed to

    • have friends at school, or see any 'worldly' children out of school hours
    • participate in sports
    • have a boyfriend
    • read books that were considered worldly - i.e. everything not a wt publication
    • wear skirts/dresses to school unless they were ankle length almost
    • wear ankle bracelets - meant you were free and easy. or wear too many rings, arm bracelets, necklaces etc
    • watch TV/movies/go to the movies
    • listen to worldly music i.e. everything
    • have any personal space at home - my mother would go through my room every day while i was at school, under the pretense of tidying - i was a very clean child, it was kind of creepy. she snooped, looking for drugs, condoms, porn, my hidden secrets that i just had to have according to her, even though i was actually a goody two shoes innocent little girl at the time
    • lock my bedroom door, i started shutting it at night once i was about 14 and they wanted to know why... uh creepy old parents walking around the house half naked, and coming into my room at night...
    • wear g-strings - apparently that makes you a slut...oops my bad.
    • wear deoderant, makeup or hair product
    • wear new clothes. they had to be hand-me-downs or made by my mother. hideous to say the least
    • talk back to my parents. which i did. and i got beaten for my efforts
    • go anywhere away from my parents with other witness children, coz they might do bad things. hmm
    • when i finally got a b/f at 17, we were not allowed to be alone in one part of an open plan house while my parents were still in full view...wtf. we kissed politely goodnight and omg it was like we were fornicating on the lounge.

    Aside from all the 'not alloweds' - it was heavily emphasised to BE NO PART OF THIS WORLD, I got beaten frequently for all sorts of things (i was a disobediant, headstrong child apparently... and jehovah doesnt like disobediant children, they die. apparently) with belts, wooden spoons, sticks or just a slap upside the rear/head.

    Had no privacy, no social life, was kind of depressed. Got badly treated all the time by my psycho mother who physically attacked me with intent to kill so she said, and then my dad brushed it off by saying she had problems from her childhood - then drove me to school and expected me to act like nothing happened.

    hmm and they wonder why when i got married, we moved the hell away from them as far as possible, and I don't call them. (my husband isn't so keen on them either).

    My mother persists in calling every month or so to see why i don't call, asks if i still love them, coz my siblings do call and they love them, and then she gets her required 15min of preaching in - are you going to all the meetings, witnessing, do you have calls, the end is nigh, armageddons coming almost now, right now, be prepared, the end is nigh, be more zealous, economic crisis, china is the king of the north or whatever, love jehovah blha blah blah (despite the fact that I am still technically a 'baptised sister'...fading but I havent told anyone), and then hangs up.

    sorry to be bitter :) but i'm just doing my needed ranting!!

  • JimmyPage

    Let's see, my dad read the lyrics to record albums to make sure they were safe for listening ears. He pointed out how the female characters in "Captain Carrot's Zoo Crew" comic books looked too sexy to be animals. And he was completely shocked by the content of the ads in Rolling Stone magazine. Et cetera ad infinitum...

  • Virgochik

    My Dad was a congregation servant and then an elder the whole time I was growing up. I had to be inspected before every meeting to make sure my hose didn't have runs, my skirt wasn't too short, shoes were OK, hair was OK, I had my Bible/songbook/bookbag or whatever all ready so I could be a good example. He did this outside, by the car so the neighbors could see. I had to turn a complete circle to be looked over.

    I don't know if he was ignorant, or what, but one time I had a zit on my chin since I was a teenager. He asked me what the thing was on my face and I had to explain it. A teenage chick's already embarassed about having a zit on her face so obviously, here I am 50 years old and still remembering how this made me feel.

    When I got to be about 17 they started inviting "suitable brothers" over to the house for lunch after the Watchtower study. I guess they decided it was time for me to get married. Needless to say, I got a crummy job and an apartment and got the hell away from them as soon as possible. I never dated any of their picks.

    Sometimes I still lay in bed before work in the morning and just remember things, like how my Mother made my clothes until I just flat out refused to wear them in junior high school. I realize now how naive and uneducated and inexperienced they were, and what a wierd childhood I had being raised by these two odd people. They meant well, I do believe, but they have no idea what memories I still carry and how narrowminded they were and how many opportunities they denied me. I did have a few talents but when my teachers approached them about college or joining band or language clubs and they always decided for me. "Virgochik wants to put Jehoveh's interests first in her life, thank you anyway. She won't be participating in any after school clubs."

    I have days still when I'm really angry, and days when I just feel sorry for them. They haven't changed much, still narrowminded and stuck in the mud. They've got no interest in learning to text message, or sending emails, for example. I just have to shake my head and move on. Well, I try to move on, but we still have those random memories crop up, don't we?

  • asilentone

    Yes, My Dad and Mom were control freaks and I was very loyal to them because I want to please Jehovah, I regretted it! Long Story!

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    My Ex"s family was a completley controlling piece of crap. She didn't lose the control from them and we later divorced.

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