Were your parents control freaks?

by Dustin 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dustin

    Growing up in the JW religion and having a dad who was an elder, I remember how controlling they were. I find it amazing now just how much of my childhood I missed out on. I couldn't watch alot of T.V. programs that were actually pretty tame (smurfs, X-men, Miami Vice, Scooby Doo, ect.....). I never developed any close bonds with kids, other than the ones I was allowed to associate with, which never usually worked out. You know bad association spoils useful habits. No sports, no college(until now),no girlfriends, were ever allowed. For those of you that gre up in a witness household, and actually obeyed the rules I ask you. Doesn't it piss you off? I'm glad they cared, but I would never do that to my kids if I had them. I sometimes think about the kids who are growing up in that religion now, and I just feel sorry for them.


  • under74

    I think sometimes it pisses me off...but then again I think I am who I am because of my experiences so I guess I wouldn't change it if I could. I would however change my mom not taking any responsibility for it...it's been a few years since she left but she's still got that "I was brainwashed" excuse for everything. I mean she can't change anything or take anything back but I think it's time to take resposibility.

  • lisaBObeesa

    Yes, my parents were control freaks. Doesn't it piss me off?? Hell yes!! And yes, I am still angry about it..

    Mostly because I keep discovering new and ever more upsetting ways it affects me in my adult life.

    However, I am working to correct the damage done, so I think so I will be feeling much better and hopefully much less angry in the near future. Maybe one day I won't be angry at all any more.

    I followed the rules untill I was about 16...then the sneeking out began!

    How ironic that my parents really ended up having almost no control over me and they had no idea about my 'real' life, so they could not help me with any of my growing-up issues. They couldn't protect me from anything because they didn't know what I was doing.

    That style of parenting really does not work out well.

  • baysixforme

    Yes my parents were control freaks.

    I was not brought up as a JW. I became a JW to escape the life that I inherited from my disfunctional 'worldly' family.

    My parents didn't allow me to think for myself. If I laughed I was being silly, if I cried I was being a baby. If I spoke of an acheivment I was being boastful, if I looked sad I was ungrateful. I was not allowed to own my own feelings and emotions. I had to be what they wanted me to be. My childhood was damaged severely with abuse and neglect.

    I was always dressed well and from the outside my family and our home looked just fine and 'normal'.

    Jehovahs witnesses are guilty of many things but are in no way unique in the bad parenting styles that they adopt. There are probably better JW parents around than my 'worldly parents and vice versa. I don't neccessarily think that bad parenting is pertinent to JWs.

  • ValiantBoy

    Don't even get me started...Mom was controlling. Dad could not have cared less. They would not let me learn to drive. I didn't get my license til I was 19 and had left home. If I went to WalMart with my mom, I was not allowed to go to other parts of the store without her..even when I was a teenager. My best friend, an elder's son, lived one block away. Even when I was 15, my mom would stand in our drive way and watch me walk to his house. When I was coming home, I had to call before I left. We were never allowed to hang out with other young people unless a "spiritually mature" adult was present. We were not allowed to shut our bedroom doors. We could not lock the bathroom door. It was really crazy.

  • Beans

    When we were having family bible study and I would stumble with some words my Dad would FREAK on me! I really fcukn hated him for that! To this day I hate reading and I try and try to concentrate but I cannot read more than 5-20 pages a day!

    My Dad was the P.O.


    Canadian District Overbeer

  • Elsewhere

    Yup... regular bedroom searches and subsequent interrogations for anything found to be suspicious. Yup... I was soooo wrong for keeping my personal letters and written thoughts in a toy safe.

    Once I came home from a JW gathering smelling of cigarette smoke. I got the third-degree for hours and hours into the night. The reason I smelled of smoke was because there was another party going on in an adjoining room and they were smoking in there. My mom would not believe a word of it and I would never admit to anything I did not do. There was also the fact that my mom was on the rag at the time and she became The Bitch from Hell in that "time of the month". (I knew because I marked her "pattern" on the calendar )

    After a few hours my dad begged me to just admit to it so my mom would stop yelling so everyone else could go to bed... NOPE... ain't gonna happen!!! (After being raised by her, sometimes I suspect I could withstand a Columbian Interrogation.) My mom kept going and going until she gave up out of exhaustion.

  • ValiantBoy

    OMG...you went to a Witness gathering that had a worldly gathering going on in an adjoining room???? You were gettin pretty close to being unevenly yoked...no wonder ma was yelling at you..hehehe

  • coldfish

    Yep, my childhood sounds exactly like yours dustin.

    Very strict and it screws you up for life.

    My parents are no longer JWs and neither is my brother. They've been out 10 yrs, me 1 yr.

    A couple of months back they came down to holiday, so all 4 of us were in my flat together. We let it all out, brought up stacks of the past, what we resented, how it has affected us etc. It was really therapeutic to do, but it wouldn't be the same if your parents were still JWs.

    We had a big hate session about the organisation, not being allowed to play sport, do aerobics, having to go witnessing in our school neighborhood as little kids etc.

    My parents in hindsight feel really bad about the way we were raised, but what's done is done and you can't think too much on the past. So everyone has forgiven each other and its out of the way, so now we can all get on with normal lives.

  • Carmel

    I thought that was the definition of a JW adult. Trained in controlling others with subtle and not-so-subtle fear, guilt, etc.


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