Shunning - what do they think they are accomplishing?

by mjarka911 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • steve2
    I am grateful for their shunning!

    Hey that's great Billygoat. Scootergirl - I like your outlook as well. Real growth to maturity in life arises from meeting adveristy head-on. When I was an active JW and saw a few people come back so that they could be with their family members again, they always looked so sad and weighed down (despite coming back). Posture-wise, they seemed slumped and defeated. I really felt compassion for them. Now, after being kicked out myself, I realise it doesn't have to be that way. I love to say that the day I was kicked out was the day I started to grow up. Go back? Never. Not unless I begin to miss my baby toys and things. Thank you Watchtower for waking me up to my need to take responsibility for my life and to refuse being controlled by the cheapest form of emotional blackmail: Not talking to someone!

  • William Penwell
    William Penwell

    That was the last straw for me. When I was DF'd 10 years ago my ex tried to tell me I couldn't have too much to do with my 2 young children. They were about 13 and 16 at the time. I did get reinstated but only because of the conditions being put on my relationship with my children. I had to swallow my pride at the time and go along with the BS. Things do have a way of evening out as both my children see through the garbage and do not want anything to do with this mind controlling cult.


  • PinTail

    All it is punishment plain and simple, who wants to take orders from a bunch of Pin Heads who think they are glorious ones? Shane

  • William Penwell
    William Penwell
    Thank you Watchtower for waking me up to my need to take responsibility for my life and to refuse being controlled by the cheapest form of emotional blackmail: Not talking to someone!

    This is how I feel. Instead of being bitter to what the WT has done, I feel they did me a favour. The DFing did make me grow up and take responsibility for my own life. I empowered myself and I am now entering into a healthy guilt free relationship with a wonderful, intelligent, loving and caring woman. She understands and accepts me for who I am and doesn't try to mould me into something I am not. It has taken me over 40 years to find this out but it was worth the wait.


  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    Shunning is nothing more than a play on emotions. Emotional blackmail, if you will.

    Once a person conquers the emotional barrier, there's nothing shunning or any other sort of emotional abuse can do to that person.


  • upside/down

    I say we do away with shunning and go back to more "civilized" ways of "helping" erring ones.

    I say the Puritans were onto a much simpler less painful procedure.

    We bind 'em up and throw them into a river:

    • They sink- they were innocent- see ya in the paradise
    • They float- they're guilty- burn'em at the stake.

    Let's dispense with all the painful drama. mmmkay?


  • PinTail

    It taught me a lesion never dump all your friends who are not of your persuasion just because some stupid religion and its old leaders tell you too, if you do then you deserve to be feeling badly dealt with. Shane

  • Incense_and_Peppermints

    keeping the flock clean. and reinforcing their "obedience" minset.

  • Fleur

    Wow, seems to be a lot of newbies in this thread; welcome everyone! I am glad that you found your way here and hope you find comfort knowing that you are not alone. (theEdge, I like your nickname...U2 fan perhaps? :)

    I first came looking for info on JW's because my ex was giving me horrible time at the time and I needed to find out about custody cases involving jw's. I posted on the old H20, immediately AlanF and several others came to my aid, with info and encouragement. Thankfully I didn't end up needing the info, but what I ended up finding changed me, and my life forever.

    I had never questioned whether or not the JW's had the truth. When I left, I figured I'd get a few good years before the big A came and killed me, and I was okay with that. I didn't want to live forever with any of the people who told me that the answer to living with my ex was "to be a better wife and pray more."

    I was also so devestated by ths shunning; as we all are/were. When it is done 'correctly' (ie, by the JW book) it is pretty effective at bringing people back because as others have pointed out, it cuts them off from all their support especially if like me they were raised in and literally everyone they know and love and are related to are JW's.

    What happened was though that as I began to find out the truth about "The Truth" (scully I can't get those little tm's to work still !) I started writing about my experiences with shunning. JW's do a great job of isolating people and that is part of why people are so afraid of being shunned.

    The response I got to my posts was incredible, so many people going through the same thing and only other people in this position can possibly understand. It has helped so much and now I try to give a little of that back to those who are newly out. (if you want to see my old posts search the member name Esmeralda; I lost my old account info but the posts are there)

    I have lost friends to suicide after they were df'd and I don't want to see that happen again if I can help anyone out there to know that it's not them, it's about control, it's evil, and that they can survive it and build a new life for themselves.

    I am so glad that I didn't go back, because my child already has more, and will have more freedom in her future than I ever could've dreamed of.

    hugs to all


  • Cicatrix

    Hi Mjarka,
    I DA'd myself voluntarily a couple of years ago. When I'm shunned by my former friends, it only serves to remind me of WHY I left in the first place.

    I'm sorry to hear how your family is treating you, by the way.

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