Shunning - what do they think they are accomplishing?

by mjarka911 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • TheEdge

    That's awful, Lisavegas - well the first part. Had similar happen myself. LOVE? Love indeed (I was going to swear then, but thought better of it) - and when the Grandchildren grow and want to know about the absent grandparents - <sigh>

    If I had someone I loved who was terminally ill, I would want to spend as much time with them that I could, for BOTH our sakes - as everyone else would still be there afterwards. As I understand it, the JWs believe that it isn't worth spending the last remaining years (of this system) with their loved ones (without conscience, they can dismiss a df'ed relitive or even an innocent child) - they choose instead sucking up to people they're already going to spend eternity with.

  • sugarbritches

    Hi thanks orangefatcat--- I used to feel sorry for myself because the witnesses made me FEEL just as unworthy as they say I am. Then I thought about it all for a long, long time and I realized that I am THEIR loss- and I wouldn't even want to spend forever with people who won't associate with me now. :)))) Sugarbritches

  • jgnat

    Shunning is a way to control members. It is a form of information control. Insiders are prevented from learning about the "other side" of the organization, and "independent thinkers" are excluded.

    In real life, there are a few sorts of people I don't want to spend much time with. This is real-life shunning. But nearly everybody I know has an interesting side, a loveable side. I notice that Jesus showed no exclusivity and invited all sorts of people to join him. I don't need a society rule book to know who I can hang with.

  • funkyderek

    Here's what they think they are accomplishing:

    After hearing a talk at a circuit assembly, a brother and his fleshly sister realized that they needed to make adjustments in the way they treated their mother, who lived elsewhere and who had been disfellowshipped for six years. Immediately after the assembly, the man called his mother, and after assuring her of their love, he explained that they could no longer talk to her unless there were important family matters requiring contact. shortly thereafter, his mother began attending meetings and was eventually reinstated. Also, her unbelieving husband began studying and in time was baptized.

    - from "Display Christian Loyalty When a Relative is Disfellowshipped", Our Kindom Ministry, August 2002

    Full scans here: and

  • jeanniebeanz


    shortly thereafter, his mother began attending meetings and was eventually reinstated. Also, her unbelieving husband began studying and in time was baptized

    In otherwords, let's blackmail them back into the borg. I don't care what they 'think' they are accomplishing. During the Inquisition, priests would torture people into 'admiting' to things they had never done. They thought they were accomplishing saving the person's soul. I see no difference here, they just cannot physically torture us so they abuse us using our family to serve their purposes.

    Un-Christian, immoral, and disgusting.


  • freedom96

    Shunning ecourages hatred towards others, and tears friends and families apart. That, is what they accomplish.

  • Billygoat
    I actually consider it a protection now; their fanatical behavior is a good insurance policy that I won't go back. If they'd been kind and accepting and welcoming...they might have sucked me back in before. It wouldn't work now; but in the beginning, heck yeah, it would have worked on me. I still believed that they were right when I first got df'd for leaving a man who abused me and marrying a man who treats me like gold.

    Essie, this hits home with me! Today...I am grateful for their shunning! Without a doubt, I would have been sucked back in. I've been out for 14 or so years, but up until I joined this board just a few years ago, I never considered them a cult! I still thought there was a chance I could go back. Now? No way. I know WAY too much. Never going back. Couldn't pay me enough to go back!!!


  • wanderlustguy

    Actually the theory behind it is pretty solid, think about what happens to a majority of people in the DF situation

    • If raised in the truth, has never had association besides JW.
    • If brought in, likely shut everyone else out to the point of making it difficult to "go back" to your normal life.
    • Usually the person has received YEARS of emotional conditionaing which ties every action into whether or not you love God. And in return "Gods Organization" becomes the cornerstone for their life even to the point of altering their chosen career path to something more conducive to field service and meeting attendance.
    • The JC meeting and DF'ing happen very quickly, so the removal of all emotional support systems is immediate and in sharp contrast to what the DF'ed person has become accustomed to and DEPENDENT on.
    • Most people have been conditioned to the point they have no clue how to function in normal social settings with acceptance for different viewpoints. Most likely the person had "made a stand" in front of most people they interact with daily, and by doing so have made themselves less than approachable by others. So there are now many levels of stess incorporated into life in general.

    Not that I'm a shrink...but this is the way I see it

  • scootergirl

    Billygoat..that is a great way to look at it! I too think had I not been shunned I probably would have just prolonged my leaving. I was forced a hand that was dealt and have made the best of it and haven't been so happy in my life!

  • jeanniebeanz
    I was forced a hand that was dealt and have made the best of it and haven't been so happy in my life!

    So very true. I left a man who put me in the hospital more than once. They never even gave him a slap on the wrist. Two years after I left him I too found a wonderful man, and have never been so happy. No more guilt and fear running my life, and a real partner. I'm sometimes saddned by the loss of my parents and siblings, but you know what, if they really loved me as much as they said they did, they would never have abandoned me so brutally and in the middle of recouperating from a hospital stay. So I say, your family is who you make it, not the group of humans you are thrown into at birth! In fact, I think that Jesus said similar words somewher? :)


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