Shunning is all about one thing: control. Control over those who try to leave, control over those who might follow; Control over the fears and emotions of their members is all that the JW's have to keep people in the cult now. It's not like they can 'recommend their lifestyle' by their joy and happiness, as the many suicides among JW's and the rampant depression and alcohol/prescription drug use among the rank and file demonstrate.
I actually consider it a protection now; their fanatical behavior is a good insurance policy that I won't go back. If they'd been kind and accepting and welcoming...they might have sucked me back in before. It wouldn't work now; but in the beginning, heck yeah, it would have worked on me. I still believed that they were right when I first got df'd for leaving a man who abused me and marrying a man who treats me like gold.
They accomplish in their own minds "keeping the congregation clean"; from the GB standpoint free thought is like gangrene; you have to amputate the offending limb in order to keep it from spreading.
But unlike gangrene, what they are trying to prevent the spread of is the knowledge of their dirty laundry; they try to prevent the spread of the facts, and the "truth" which is that you CAN leave the organization without becoming well, pardon the term, but a crackwhore. That is what my family expected me to become. They can't explain why I'm the only person, and I mean the ONLY person in the family with a) not only a happy life but B) a healthy marriage and a peaceful home.
Now, shunning because you don't think someone is a good influence makes sense. That's your right. But, do they really think someone will want to return to people who abuse them this way. Am I supposed to think "thank god they selfishly denied me seeing a newborn baby, I really want to be with these people!"
Isn't this like telling your wife "Come back and I'll stop hitting you."
I am so sad that you can't see the baby. I have missed out on many happy family occaisions since I left and it has been hard. But the reasons that I left became crystal clear when they said they would shun me at my grandmother's funeral recently; I realized as my relatives droned on about me 'returning to Jehovah and their lives" how empty their lives are. My aunt said "you can waltz back into our lives at any time." and she had this really creepy, stepford smile on her face. It was all about them, what they wanted me to do and be.
You have to be who you are. There's just no other way to live and stay sane at all.
I'm sorry you're suffering now. Maybe someday, you'll be able to think of it another way, and when they are unkind to you, you will just pity them.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
essie
