Visited by elder at work

by Winston Smith :>D 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Winston Smith :>D
    Winston Smith :>D

    Yep, he visited me, but he didn?t know I work here.

    FYI, I?m DA?d since 12/03. Started my job as a designer at a kick-ass, high end remodeling/architectural firm in 9/04. I love it here! Everyone has at least a four year degree [except me, starting college in the Fall], is a top notch professional, and the firm is well respected in the area.

    The elder? I really like him. Can be an opinionated knob sometimes, but overall he?s a good guy. He left the congregation to help another congregation before I was DA?d, so he was never involved with my DA?ing process, but knows I left. The elder has always been an entrepreneuring type. He used to do body work and has always loved German cars. Body work ran it?s course and he then started his own microbrewery [pretty good beer]. Then the brewery put out a couple of skunky batches and went under. He went to work for a brother who runs a tile business, then left and now started his own excavation business.

    Yesterday our Project Manager was leaving for a project and needed copies of plans for the excavator. I pumped them out and ran down stairs in my ?meeting clothes? sans the coat and tie. I ask our receptionist where the Project Manager is, she says he left, but the excavator is here and will take the plans. As I turn the corner, low and behold I see this elder!

    I?m happy to say that my first thought was ?How nice to see him!?, and not, ?Oh no, a JW!? Guess I feel that I have healed from all of that and just view each person as they are, a person, and nothing more.

    I loudly called out his full name in an affectionate manner and asked if he was the excavator that was looking for the plans. He was. I told him to come into our conference room and that I wanted to run through the job with him.

    Our conference room is designed to impress clientele, with sliding wood framed doors inset with semi-translucent glass, a custom organically twisted steel framed table, and wood floors that are composed of crosscut 2x4?s laid in the floor with the end grain as the finished product. I switched on the hanging halogen pendant lights over the table and laid my plans down for us to review.

    I walked him through the job and answered his questions. I know he has just started this business and has no real experience, so I try to hit on items that he may not be aware of.

    As we walk out of the conference room, our receptionist asks the elder if he knows me [probably because of the way I greeted him]. He says yes, from the years when I ran my own design business.

    Ooooh, doesn?t fess up to being a JW!? To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he didn?t want to make me feel uncomfortable.

    As I walk him out to the front door I try engaging him in non-work related talk to see if he?ll go beyond the WTS?s admission to talk to a DA?d person about work related matters only. I bring up cars since he loved German cars and I tell him that I just totaled my BWM 535 . I tell him how the body is in perfect shape, but that the frame looks like it was bent because the fender panel no longer has uniform margins between panels [suspension damage].

    He bites and starts talking about cars. Gives me advice based on his experience doing body work. We talk about what kind of car I?m getting, an older BMW 735. He tells me that it?s one of his favorite cars and wants to get one some day.

    As he went out the door I shook his hand, then I was about to wish him ?Good Luck? with his business, then caught myself and told him that I hope that everything works out well with his new business. He seemed pleasantly surprised that I wished him well, paused for a second, and then said ?Thank you?.

    My soul is content with where I am at RE: the JW?s. Maybe if he sees how happy I am, that I am with a successful architectural firm, that I didn?t leave my JW wife and have an affair, and that I genuinely wished the best for him, he?ll be thrown off balance and question why I left, and if I am really an evil apostate as the WTS paints me.

    ?Kill them with kindness?, and ?The best revenge is a life well lived?.

  • HappyDad
    Kill them with kindness?, and ?The best revenge is a life well lived?.

    WOW Winston, that was great how you handled a sticky situation. Very tactful on your part and the "bro" seems to be a real person aside from the rules he has to abide by. Who knows? As time goes on and you have job contact with him, he might open up more.

    Glad to hear that you love your new job. You are one of the lucky ones!

    Enjoy life,


  • new light
    new light
    I?m happy to say that my first thought was ?How nice to see him!?, and not, ?Oh no, a JW!? Guess I feel that I have healed from all of that and just view each person as they are, a person, and nothing more.

    Good for you, Winston. I look forward to the time when I can say the same thing. Congratulations.

  • upside/down

    Impressive..... most impressive! - Darth Vader

  • JustTickledPink

    I think they are specifically looking for exJws who have failed in life to prove their point... when they seem someone accomplished, educated, happy, etc... they don't have any fuel to their theory. I think you did a wonderful job and I'm glad it went well!

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    Well done Winston Smith!!!

    This is the very best way to deal with ex-fellow JWs.


  • Special K
    Special K

    Good Stuff, Winston!

    It sure is nice to have a positive experience with a J.W..

    Special K

  • Incense_and_Peppermints

    i wish i could be that evolved when it comes to the witnesses. i can't stand the sight of them...any of them, anywhere. p.s. please don't anyone use that as a yardstick to measure my "healing" or "recovery", 'cause i know i have come a lonnng way. but i can still hate them for what they did to me and my loved ones, and for what they have done to countless children behind closed doors, and for what they still do now without so much as a slap on the wrist because they are protected by the organization. and i don't have to be polite to them if i don't want to. i know it would be nice to think that that man was sincere in his niceness, but face it, he's starting out and has to make a living, even if it means he has to "be nice" to "undesirables". the difference between you and him, Winston, is that he lets the jw's govern his actions, whereas you think what you want to think, and behave as you want to behave, which is the difference between a man and a puppet.

  • Joyzabel

    Good for Winston.

    I think you've got it right regarding kindness and living well.


  • bebu

    Thanks for a great update! Good for you and good for him, too !!


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