Welcome! My personal rule for me after a LOT of experience, is never talk religion or Watch Tower Corporation with a Jehovah's Witness, ever! GaryB
Depressed and about to lose it
by AloneinOh 42 Replies latest jw friends
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garybuss
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lawrence
When I realized it wasn't the truth I tried to run a vehicle into a tree (unsucessfully) - it is quite a shock to leave, and still believe one day... or things will change in Crooklyn... or he'll gather the remnant... it is quite a shock to realize each day for itself after the pie in the sky falls.
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cyber-sista
http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm
Here's a link to some writings on this board that helped me out a lot and gave me some helpful perspectives when I was on my way out.
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bebu
((((aloneinOh))))
Aww, hang in there. Your response is actually healthy. What if you had simply shrugged and said that all their deceit didn't matter? It DOES matter. It matters a LOT, because YOU matter.
Here's the link to a map (don't know how recently it's been updated) to posters here. You can see some folks besides yourself in OH. So, you're not really as alone as you believe over there.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/67009/1.ashx
bebu
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MonkeyPrincess
(((((hugs alone))))))
Your story sounds exactly like mine. I too was raised a jw, so to find out that everything you have ever known to
be the truth is a lie, its quite difficult to swollow. You are going to go through all the emotions, its normal. I cried
for about 3 weeks after i found out. Luckily my husband found this site and led me to it. It has helped tremendously in
my healing. Bring your wife here, and let her read some of the information and the storys, she will understand alot
more. You found the perfect place to help you in healing and actually feeling normal in this world. You will get through
this, we will help in any way we can.MonkeyPrincess
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Fleur
First of all, please know that though you feel alone right now, you are NOT. So many people can relate to your story of everyone in the family being "in the truth" myself included. I was born a fourth generation JW. Fourth generation. What chance did we have to know anything else? Literally only two of my relatives (who moved away) were not JW's. Everyone, everything, I knew about my life came from the WTS and was given to me in the womb, before my ears and brain were even done forming. The same for you. They had you as a zygote.
You said...
Everyone except for one aunt are JWs. Cousins,
grandparents, nieces, etc.... My uncle has been at Bethel now for about 40 yrs. Ever since he was 20. (never
married and never had a date in his life) When I was a kid, I remember my dad going to what was then known
as Kingdom Ministry School. I think this was in 72 or 73. My mom was a pioneer. Eventually my dad became
an elder and was one until I was dis-associated in the early 80s. They blamed him for my leaving and removed
him as an elder. He eventually became an elder again and still is. Every Tues,Thurs, and Sunday, there we
were....never missed a meeting. Every Sunday out in service after the meeting and 98% of the saturdays I was
going door to door. When mom pioneered, there I was....right beside her.
It was all around me...."The Truth, The Truth, The Truth,"....everywhere I turned. That's all I knew.
Now I am totally devistated. I have cried more in the past month than the rest of my life combined. I really thought
it was the truth..I really did. Why...why why why was I so stupid and blind. How could I have let myself be
brainwashed like that.
I'm going to repeat this again because it's so important. You never had a chance to believe anything else. Children believe no one so much as their parents. They could tell us the sky was green when we were babies and we'd argue and defend that opinion later in life out of loyalty to them. Then, we realize it really is blue and our entire frame of reference for living is shot to hell. It takes time, but you will get your bearings especially when you realize how many like you there are out there.
And we are out here...don't let any JW tell you otherwise.
I have to echo what others have said (didn't read all the replies so sorry if I'm repeating a lot of stuff) in that you should be very careful with your parents. I know that you feel like they're in a house on fire and they can't smell the smoke. But they have lived their whole life with this...they may not physically and emotionally be able to handle this. I know its hard..but proceed with caution my friend. You will be glad that you did.
keep talking...we're listening and we have been where you are, we're just a bit further up the road.What never ceases to amaze me is how this can come on a person after being 'out' physically for so long. We spend a lot longer still enslaved than we realized. When I was df'd years ago I thought I'd just die at armageddon. Then the lights started going on (not to be confused with the 'light getting brighter' lol) and now, it's a whole new life...
hugs
essie
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Winston Smith :>D
Welcome, and thanks for the wonderful opening post.
You never forget the day you were baptized, right? Well, I'll never forget the day I realized the truth about the "Troof".
I felt like someone had taken a 2x4 and swung it full speed right into my gut. Then as I was bent double-over, gasping for air, I was hit once more with that 2x4 over the back of my head, collapsing me to the ground bleeding and gasping for air. I felt like I has just died and was experiencing the whole surreal event outside of my own body.
No doubt about it, the truth about the Troof was a wicked blow.
Then I went through "Stages of Grief"
1.Denial
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4.Depression
5.Acceptance
I guess the one thing I do know now is that I'm NOT being influenced by the devil.
I'M NOT! I'm not an evil person! I want my life back and from this point on I AM
taking it back.
...and this is the most beautiful point of coming out of that high-control group:
You are a good person. Your desires and aspirations are not bad. Your every inclination isn't to do evil. You can be a happy, productive member of human society without being a card carrying member of any group.
I look forward to more posts from you. For me, coming here to read and post my thoughts and feelings was very therapeutic. Don't take any rash action just yet such as telling your parents. Just sit back and digest it all [at the very minimum it took months for me to digest it] and let yourself start the healing process. It will take some time to deprogram an entire childhood of being raised in a cult, so just give it time. Cult living is certainly not the best way to start off a young life, but many of us find ways to be better people after we come out of this.
There will always be scars from this, but all of us here have these scars.
Welcome, you are no longer alone.
Best,
Paul
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Granny Linda
Congradulations, sincerely, upon having your mind opened to the vile things of that organization. It's definetly a step forward...and we're never to old to learn. Even when the "real" truth does hurt. imho unless the pain comes, we usually stay content with status quo.
I was df at age 19...took me until recovery for alcoholism at age 37 that I finally faced up to the religious abuse issue. It just takes what it takes for any of us to move forward...and that can be learning how to turn a negative into a positive force in our own life. Not their's, our life.
At the same time though, I do not take lightly when people share their pain and agony because of that filthy religion. All those years out and I still wanted to believe they weren't the total a$$hole lying pricks they really are. My own denial.
I'm no longer living in denial about them, anyhow.
Sounds as if a door has been opened. Now it's our/your call...not their's because you just reclaimed your personal power. And that I'll always celebrate.
Take care...and yes, one day at a time. It is overwhelming at times.
GL, born in Medina...now residing in Colo.
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Mystery
You have a PM.
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hubert
Hi Aloneinoh, and a hearty welcome.!
I'm kicking this back to the top of the active topics, because I've noticed a very important thing that you mentioned, and I know for myself, that I would like to find this information.
It's the article you saw on the internet, about the w.t. buying land in 1974, while telling the "sheep" that the world will end in 1975.
Where can I find this article?
Thanks.... Hubert