Depressed and about to lose it

by AloneinOh 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Welcome, AloneinOH. I feel bad for what you are going through, though I did not experience this myself. I was never a JW, I married one instead. I think it is a wonderful idea to start opening up to your wife and explain the pain and insecurities you have borne alone all these years. She sounds like a loving and understanding woman, and I am guessing she will be grateful that you are sharing this bit of your heart, the painful bit, with her. I predict your bond will be stronger for it.

    My dad carried a terrible burden all my growing up years, which made him more stern, brooding. Only the past few years did he share his pain with his new wife, and through her, did I find out what it was that weighed my dad down. My dad was molested when he was a boy. He stills tries to carry that memory alone, and I would say that is the most foolish thing he has done his whole life. AloneinOH, you are making great strides by talking about your betrayal.

    I would put off telling your parents, though. I don't think it would have much effect on them other than to cause them pain. Let them have their last few delusional years.

  • lisaBObeesa
    lisaBObeesa

    ((((((AloneinOh)))))))

    Thanks for sharing your story. So many here know just what you are talking about. So much pain ...and then anger, comes when you find out the truth about the truth.

    The silver lining to this story is that now you can talk to your wife..about everything.

    And you have us. We understand. You are not alone!

    All ears and hugs,

    LisaBObeesa

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Howdy and welcome.

    You've hit upon a revolutionary concept. The fault wasn't yours, it's theirs. You were not bad for leaving, they were wrong for fooling you. I left 15 years, and spent the first 10 years feeling bad about myself. I was totally prepared to die in Armageddon. So I know how you feel. Take the weight of guilt off, it doesn't belong to you. Give to those that put it there. They are to blame, not you. I choose now to believe in a God who looks at me with kindness, gentleness and understanding. In my better moments I imagine he even likes me. That is what healing is about. You've taken your first step on a lifetime journey.

    It is normal and natural for you to feel the way you are when your vision of the reality is turned (liteally) upside down. Talk as much as you want here. That's what we're here for.

  • Golf
    Golf

    AloneinOH, hang in there. There's plenty of encouraging posts here. Give your self time, because time is your friend. By sharing your experiences, it releases the pain, not all of it, but it helps to lessen the tension. Here's pulling for ya.


    Guest77

  • candidlynuts
    candidlynuts

    hi welcome to the board..

    i too was raised as a jw.. my dad went to prison as a conscientious observer in the 50s. my great grandmother and grandmother founded the congregation where i lived.. i was in it for nearly 40 yrs and my entire family remain in it, including my kids (one is a pioneer) .. so fading was hard.. letting them know i know its not the truth is going to be impossible.

    i know how you feel(maybe) . you feel as if you've " wasted " your faith. agonized over small sins normal people would shake off pretty quick. your not alone, being around people who are going thru a similar experience is great.. being around people who have gone thru the experiences i'm going thru now and have LIVED thru it and not only lived thru it, have flourished .. THATS why i'm here. their input is invaluable.

    if it was so important to God that we follow this religion or that religion HE"D MAKE IT CLEARER! so i'm left with the impression that God wants us to love our neighbor, live a good life and be happy. I leave the judging to Jesus and try to take comfort from those kind of thoughts. Your not a bad person because you arent a watchtower slave. your just free! try to look at the positive .. you've sought freedom for 20 yrs..and now you have the information about the wtbs that sets you totally free.You are at a point in your life where you can grow, find peace within your heart and if you are of a mind to you can get closer to God just thru his word .. Some have lost their faith in God altogether.. thats ok too.. I happen to believe in God and know he has to understand how a person can feel so distant from him that they doubt his exsistance, how can He not understand and be forgiving?. . a lot of people have been hurt so badly in the name of religion, but you can get thru it with success.

    hang in there and try not to despair.

    hugs

    candy

  • frenchbabyface
    frenchbabyface

    Thanks for sharing ... and Welcome !

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    JWs are just one more religions among thousands. It suits some people's lifestyles and not others'.

    You'll recover. Do some good reading and take it one day at a time.

    DY

  • outoftheorg
    outoftheorg

    HI No longer alone one.

    Several have said "do not take this to your parents,yet" I think they are correct and you will do better if you just work out your "own difficulties" at this time.

    If it were me, I would include my wife in this and maybe see a counselor for some assistance. This is not going to be an easy time in your life.

    But you WILL GET PAST all this. Many here have done so and you will too. You can vent all you need to do here. We will listen and support you.

    You will also find many caring people willing to help you here. You are no longer alone in this struggle.

    Outoftheorg

  • NewLight2
    NewLight2

    Welcome AloneinOH! Several here have said that you should not share your newly acquired knowledge with your parents/family yet. However, I feel that if you could get an original copy of the article that you read about the sale of Watchtower property that was purchased in 1974, THAT could be shown to them in the context of sharing a news article that has distrubed YOU very much. Let them read the article themselves and then ask this simple question, "Why was the Watchtower buying property for furture use while at the time saying the "end" was so near?" Just let them think about it the same way you did. DO NOT pursue the issue with them at this time. Just let nature take its time. If they want to discuss it with you, relate your feelings to them without giving them anymore knowledge then what is in that article. Who knows, maybe THEY will do their OWN research into the matter just like you did. NewLight2

  • cyber-sista
    cyber-sista

    Welcome aloneinoh,

    Please don't blame yourself for living under the JW illusion, especially being raised up in it--you were truly indoctrinated. I chose to be a JW at almost 30 years old and stuck with it for 20 years of my adult life. I was finally slapped in the face by the Org and rudely awakened to the truth about the truth. I too have a lot of questions as to why I allowed myself to be involved with this Organization, but for myself and like many others who have not had certain needs met in their lives we fell prey to groups who appear to be able to fulfill these needs. Sadley when a group like this gains control of your life and begins to lead you in a negative direction it becomes unhealthy. It's just been a year and a half since I have not attended any meetings and less than a year since I landed here. It has been a process much like deprogramming. I have sought help from others here on this board and also professional therapy. Many here have been through the same type of things. Please be assured that life can be better. Learning to take control of your life will give you the power to be stronger, more confident and to live happier and more fulfilling life. Accepting our perceived imperfections as part of being human is important too (we are not BORG). Please be careful about presenting information to other JWs right now--do some reading first. Many here have had experience in what happens when you do this. A hardcore JW can not be easily shaken from their world even if you present them with the most convincing of proof and for some who are fully indoctrinated it can even be dangerous. Even though I had my doubts for a long time when I was finally hit full force with the facts it was a very traumatic experience even though I have a loving family outside of the Org. Please continue to seek help for yourself personally and become stronger before you make any moves as to what you will reveal to others who are still under the control of the Organization.

    Take care and be in touch--and remember always you are not alone

    cybs

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