I'm worried about our 8-year-old -- anybody got any ideas? (page 6)

Big Tex

In grade 1 and 2 the teacher had the kids kind of sit together in groupings. Their desks were all shoved together so that they were literally sitting right beside and across from each other with their little tiny desks.

Yep, that's his setup in third grade exactly. It's a new school, but they built the rooms so small for some reason and the desks are all crammed together. I'd have hated that if I were a kid. That's not a bad idea to talk to the teacher about moving him.

I am starting to think that maybe he is just a typical little boy who is distracted easily and suffering some side effects from a ton of medication he's taking for allergies. I still don't have a handle on what's going on but listening to everyone has given me some ideas and some areas to look at.

I do want to try to get him more focused and cut out TV and Game Boy.

Special K

Do you let him take his game boy to school?

My son started to do this last year in Grade 3. I volunteer at his school and watched him at recess and noon hour one day... There they all were. 3 or 4 of them from his class. Sitting like bumps on a log outside, in the sunshine, and never moved all recess or noon hour. I really think this generation of kids will not get arthritis in their fingers and thumbs.lol

My first new tactic was. No game boy at school.. then after awhile we hassled it over and over and the little litigater (sp?) helped me see that I should compromise. I did. (You have to make them feel like their winning some leeway) He now is allowed to take it one day a week. His choice of the day, or sometimes if I know it going to be terrential rains (like it is today, in our area). I never remind him though when he has forgotten to take it...I just let it slide. Sometimes a couple of weeks will pass now and he hasn't taken it to school. But the new, pokemon games are out for Christmas and I'm sure he will want to wheel and deal more to take it to school.. but I won't budge now.

A good question (if you want to know how they are getting along with their friends at school).. that works for me is . So, who did you play with at recess today? And what about noon hour who did you hang around with.. Another one is ..Is there anything that happened at school today that you think I should know...(then wait) or Did something happen at school that you found really funny...

The other compromise I made, in my own mind, is that when he gets home from school he can play "screens" for one hour. I have a timer I use because he tends to want to forget his hour is up and sometimes I get to busy to remember. (It's a little wind up egg timer. Has a little digital screen you just wind it to the time you want and it count down.. the timer ring/buzz it VERY loud.. which is good)

He likes that and it is a kind of unwinding after the day. He also knows that if he makes a big fuss about homework, whining and complaining and such that the "screen" time gets chucked out the window until homework is done.

I don't know if Jackson does this but my guys USED to do this. On the weekend they'd get up at 6 o'clock in the morning and sit downstairs playing screens. I caught on to this, after awhile (I'm a bit slow) . New family rule: No screens, absolutely no screens, T.V.'s, computers, gameboys, game machines until 10 o'clock on Saturday mornings or any holiday or inservice. 2nd new rule: Absolutely "no screens" for anyone in this house (including daddy) on Sundays until 12 noon... and sundays are my favourite day of the week... especially Sunday morning.

What a change in our house. My kids all sleep in on the weekend now... like they need because they are up later on Friday and Saturday nights. (hey, nina and big tex.. it works for us)

Good luck with all the information everyone has given to you both.

Special K

Oh, and big tex

Can you imagine having to sit on one of the inside seats. (pinned in) If I was forced to set in groupings like that I just know I'd have to have an end seat.. more room.

SK

Big Tex

The other compromise I made, in my own mind, is that when he gets home from school he can play "screens" for one hour

Yeah this is what I was thinking. I don't want to be harsh toward him, but I do think we've coddled him a little because he's been so sick (it's hard not to when you see all those tubes in his arm and face when he's in the hospital).

He's been in after school care and we did let him play GameBoy at the afterschool. Yep you nailed it, he and his friends all huddle together and then sit there like little mushrooms. I don't want to take it away, or the computer for that matter, but I think if we limit it that will allow him to start focusing on other things. At least it's worth a shot.

The difficulty in sleeping is a tough one, and I don't have an answer for that as that seems to be part of his allergies. I think it's a factor in his whiny/stressed/anxious behavior but I don't know how much.

BTW, I swear classrooms were bigger when we were kids. I much prefer the way they used to arrange desks, you had elbow room. I don't want a bunch of kids sitting elbow to elbow.

Billygoat

Tex,

The difficulty in sleeping is a tough one, and I don't have an answer for that as that seems to be part of his allergies. I think it's a factor in his whiny/stressed/anxious behavior but I don't know how much.

I know this may sound silly, but several months ago, I cut out caffeine from my diet. It didn't bode well with the heart meds I was on. It took about a week to get my energy level stabilized, but for the first time in YEARS...I slept through the night without waking up. I was amazed! I know that Jackson takes a lot of allergy/asthma meds, which have a tendency to have the same effect as caffeine to a body. But that mixed with a coke or two during the day might be compounding the sleep issue. You never know.

Now that I'm at a new job, my chest pains are gone and I've weaned myself off the heart meds. I'm back to having caffeine and cokes on a daily basis. My sleep (again!) is interrupted regularly by the slightest sound. I'm slowly realizing that I HAVE to keep the caffeine out of my diet in order for me to get QUALITY rest. I might sleep for 9 or 10 hours, but since I'm waking up a lot, it's almost like I'm getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep. I wake up not feeling rested at all. I honestly believe the caffeine has something to do with it. So this weekend, I'm back to caffeine-free cokes and decaf coffee.

Just another thing for you to consider...

Andi

carefully faded

Nina, you have a message.

- CF

AuntieJane

I haven't read all the posts but would lean toward not saying it is ADD; probably more just his personality,and the meds. No doubt the coddling has molded him too, but that is fixable.

Do you encourage him to be creative? My daughter had the same "symptoms" but we were finally told it is just her creative personality...mind wandering, etc. Daydreaming. She never was the student that her older sibling was, but then again, she wasn't the same personality either. Limits definitely need to be set, beginning w. the computer games; then encourage him by reading something fun with you, together....having craft time...going outdoors to draw nature, etc.

Frannie Banannie

Nina, I'm with those who suggest you have your son checked for ADD.....and I also suggest you check him for an undetected sleep apnea disorder which could cause chronic tiredness, etc.

BTW, caffeine works just the opposite on ADHD and ADD affected children than it does on adults. It slows their minds down so it's easier for them to concentrate.

Frannie

Fleur

I just wanted to add that as the mother of an 8 year old myself, I can definitely recognize a lot of the behavior that you're dealing with! Especially the difficulty staying on task, etc. Everyone I have talked to chalks it up to her being a healthy, very active 8 year old. Watching her with her friends, I believe it.

I am on asthma meds myself and I know that they can do a LOT to a person, including make you incredibly hyped up and nervous. So definitely don't discount those as contributing to his behavior. If he's on prednisone or any kinds of steriods, I personally found those to be personality altering in myself as a grown adult I can't imagine what they do to a little kid.

You've gotten lots of great advice, all I can add is that I teach my daughter at home and I know she would not do well with a large classroom setting to read and write. She needs more attention to be kept on task, to stay focused. Maybe spending some extra time with him (maybe you already supervise when he does homework and all I don't know) and then cutting back on the gameboy/computer like others recommended would be a good place to start.

It seems to me that starting with my age group (early 30's now) they started trying to label kids ADHD. They wanted to put me on Ritalin at age 4 and diagnosed me with anxiety but I can tell you exactly why I was that way, it was due to stress at home. My mom opted to do a vitamin/diet/chiropractic routine which helped relax me so I could sleep (spending more time with my grandparents at their house away from home was my best medicine though!) and I got better.

It could be the meds that are causing some of this, or situations at school, or a combination. I have seen a lot of kids dx'd with ADD that are just normal rambunctious kids who need to run around and burn off more energy and get off sugar and caffeine.

In any event you are great parents and you are really interested in helping him and that is going to be the most important thing. Whatever it is, as dedicated as you are you'll get to the bottom of it.

hugs,

essie

Simon

Ours tend to be better all round if we limit the GameBoy / XBox things and make sure they have lots of natural (no additives) food.

Doing some activity is good too. They both do after-school clubs and various swimming, football, gym, cooking & golf stuff.

I'm worried about our 8-year-old -- anybody got any ideas?

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