I'm worried about our 8-year-old -- anybody got any ideas?

by cruzanheart 61 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Special K

  What about lactose intollerant?.. re: his stomach problems.

  Or .. he just feels pressured to write in a busy, distracting classroom. One of my kids had a classroom with 4 behavioural problem kids in it. Sheesh.. the teacher couldn't even pay attention for 5 minutes let alone any of the other kids. Chaotic class...it was awful! 31 kids in grade 1 and 31 in grade 2.. that's crowd control not teaching.

  I used to encourage one of my kids to bring his creative wrting work home where he could write without distractions of all the other kids.

  And one of my kids I asked to have moved to the front of the class. Less distractions to be watching around him.. that helped.

  My nine year old has just begun having to write a sentence with each of his 10 spelling words. He was floored!. I can't do it! I can't think of anything..on and on.

  So, I sat him at the table and let him get to the point where he feels sad and cries for a bit. After that he gets mad and writes a couple of simple sentences on a piece of looseleaf. I tell him you can make as many spelling errors as you want and I'd help him straighten them up later for his good copy for the teacher. (Break Through, Nina!! I hit a breakthrough!)..

  I notice that he is a pacer. Walks the floor when he's on the phone just like me, his mom, just like his grandfather sooo.. I say, Why don't you get up and walk around while your thinking of a sentence.. and boom.. break through! break through! and he's writing and laughing about some of the super long adventurous sentences he's writing and how much the teacher will like this one. I think one sentence was about driving a monster truck..on and on.

  Then we go through his rough copy of sentences and talk about spelling errors and tricks to straighten them out, or how to substitute some words that he does know how to spell. etc. He's a Happy Kid now.

  Hey, it all may sound silly to some people .. but it's working for my guy.

  Special K
• 

  Nosferatu

  Nos, if you don't mind me asking, did you just grow out of it? How did you deal with it growing up? If you could have done something different, or had been treated differently, what would it have been?

  My biggest problem was that my mother didn't believe that I was having stomach problems. She figured I was faking it to stay home from school and the meetings. I had stomach problems all while I was in school and the JWs. Once those two elements were removed from my life, my stomach problems went away. I credit my verge of crying to living in constant fear.

  When I was in grade 3, my dog showed up at my school. I just started crying. I didn't have a clue why, but I couldn't stop.

  I remember one particular day when I was in grade 4. I had a stomach ache all morning, and it just kept getting worse. I finally asked the teacher if I could go see the nurse. On the way to the nurses office, I threw up in the hallway. When I got to the nurses office, she took my temperature and it was normal. I was sent home with a note to stay home for the rest of the day. My stomach didn't bother me after I threw up.

  I think it may have all been from my mother beating me into fear. I was expected to be different from all the other kids because I was a JW. Also, JWs are supposed to be excellent students. I also knew if anything slipped on my report card, I would be demanded an explanation and possible punishment. All this stress piled up and made me an emotional wreck for many years of my life. I also believe this caused my stomach problems. Nothing seemed to be related to my athsma, although apparently my first athsma attack was an attempt to get out of going to the Thursday night meeting. I was threatened with a beating if I didn't get ready for the meeting.

  This is how I see everything in my situation. It could have been other things causing my problems, but my parents didn't care to find the solution to any of them. Not sure if any of this helps.
• 

  Mecurious?

  My opinon on all of this is actually a little different. I believe that he's just being a typical boy.

  Sometimes I think that all the labels that psychiatry, psychology and science comes up with do more harm than good. Otherwise its business as usual as in multi-billon dollors pharmaceutical companies.

  Of course i'm not saying that you shouldn't be concerned or even take him to the doctor. Just be careful I'm very leary about all the lables out there...

  M'
• 

  cruzanheart

  Thank you ALL for all of your wisdom, advice, experiences and opinions! This has given us something to work with and we really, REALLY appreciate it. I'm sorry that I haven't responded more quickly, but I started a new job yesterday and I've been super-busy getting settled. I'm the Office Manager for a small but growing law firm that has realized it needs some organization within its walls and they want me to provide it. Since I just left a very toxic position where nothing I did was appreciated, this is rather overwhelming and a little strange, but I like it!

  As for Jackson, last night he evidently got a really good night's sleep. This morning he was bright and bouncy and felt great. He stayed that way all day and into the evening -- no complaints or tantrum's. He had to re-write a book report because he didn't use the format the teacher wanted the first time, so after reading Special K's post I decided to try something. I got him to DICTATE the book report to me. I wrote it down, and then he copied that onto his paper. He didn't appear to be too stressed by that and when he copied the report he added a few words and sentences, which meant he was thinking before he put it on paper. I'm hoping this will get him used to thinking in sentences and eventually being able to think and write at the same time.

  Thanks again -- I'm going to print all of this out and keep it for reference.

  Love & hugs,

  Nina
• 

  Tim Horton

  He does sound like a fairly normal 8 year old. My son is 13 and starting to go through the lazy, I know it all faze. I wouldn't rule out allergies, molds, candida. It can really mess up your system and cause alot of side affects. I would let him grow like a typical boy but still let him know the house rules. He can't walk on Mommy and Daddy. I know, it's very frustrating. Good luck and enjoy the fun times. I'm sure there's lots.
  Rusty
• 

  Tim Horton

  lactose intolerant is a good point to. I am, and it sure does give you an awful tummy ache.
• 

  Special K

  One more thing Nina, I thought about last night was this.

  In grade 1 and 2 the teacher had the kids kind of sit together in groupings. Their desks were all shoved together so that they were literally sitting right beside and across from each other with their little tiny desks.

  Man, would I ever find that distracting. Literally shoulder to shoulder and desk to desk butted against each side of you and a desk butted right up against the front of you as well. (6 little desks and 6 kids all pushed together)

  I couldn't write anything under that style of seating. I'd have panic attacks galore if I had to sit in that setting all day. Not much physical boundaries in that seating arrangement.

  What I found out is that in his particular grouping there was one "Super kid" who read and wrote at a grade 6 level. He wrote bound volumes! Then there were 3 girls who wrote 3 or 4 page neatly printed stories. Wow! No wonder my son was down hearted and felt he couldn't write a lick.

  How often do you tell a child not to compare their work to someone else. Often, .. but do they listen. NO! They do compare. and to be sitting at a table grouping like this, it was no wonder his confidence was zapped. ( Once, my son new that he could bring it home and I'd back him up..he relaxed.. knowing he was going to get it done)

  I talked it over with the teacher and had him moved to another grouping of kids. A better mixture than the "novel writers" group. That helped too, because then there was a kid at his table who was struggling even worse than he was whom he felt the utmost compassion for and also kids who wrote more at his level. They tended to help each other more.

  .....

  Someone, told me their daughter had a rash of stomach problems. So, they got a package of those tic-tacs and put them in a different bottle so the kid didn't know what they were. Whenever, the child said her stomach was upset they gave them one tic tac and told them that would really help because they were made for kids who were having upset stomachs.

  Guess what it worked! A placebo. If it would have been food related stomach upset the tic tac would not have worked... so then the parents knew it was more stress and psychologically motivated.

  Special K
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  wrote it down, and then he copied that onto his paper. He didn't appear to be too stressed by that and when he copied the report he added a few words and sentences, which meant he was thinking before he put it on paper. I'm hoping this will get him used to thinking in sentences and eventually being able to think and write at the same time.

  So much of what you say is just what I go through with my son. I have learned some very good things at this board:

  http://forums.ldonline.org/index.php

  There are people on that board who are real experts and can point parents in the right direction. And there are other parents, looking for support. Great board!

  After much testing, it boils down to for my son: 1) high IQ 2) slower than average processing speed (he is a great thinker, but it takes him longer) 3) dysgraphia (problems writing his thoughts down) and 3) ADD. (note: no 'H', just ADD)

  It is a full plate. He has an IEP, and my first priority is that he learns, and that does not have his joy of learning stamped out. The pressure of school can really get to him, and unfortunatly when he was younger I added to that pressure because I didn't realize the reasons behind his actions. Now I know it really DOES take him a half hour to write a couple of paragraphs. Now I make sure that in his IEP it says he doesn't have more than 2 hours of homework a night, and I hold the school to it. (I know, even that is too much!) I make sure he is learning typing, because that is so much easier for dysgraphic kids. I make sure he does not get put into 'dumbed down' classes. And so on.

  It doesn't go away, but I am learning how to help my young man learn how make it in life, even with his 'full plate.'

  Take care,

  -LisaBOBeesa

  Edited to add: You won't know if he is 'just being a normal boy' or 'a normal boy with allergies' or if he has processing issues, or learning dissablities untill you have him tested. If you ask the school to test him, make sure that test everything. It is your right to have all the info you can get.

  Don't let them tell you there is no reason to test him for learning dissablilities because he is getting good grades. Sometimes the school wants to wait for the ship to sink before they start bailing.
• 

  siegswife

  Nina, Hi there! I'm inclined to think that your son is just a normal eight year old. It's easy for little kids to get overstimulated and stressed out. I remember when I was young there were times when I had so many thoughts running through my head that I couldn't really get a grasp on any of them.

  This week my 7 year old daughter was having a hard time doing some very basic math homework. I had no idea where she was getting some of the answers she was coming up with. I started to get frustrated, even thinking she was acting that way because she didn't want to do her homework. The next thing I know is she burst into tears because she had a math test that day and didn't finish all the problems in the 1 minute time frame. I put her on my lap, told her that everybody has bad days and that it might even be that she wasn't expected to finish all the problems in 1 minute. During our conversation I realized that she is one of those people who gets nervous about tests and ends up second guessing herself...which was the problem she was having with her homework. She wasn't confident (especially after the test) that she really knows the answers. Anyway, her dad and I gave her a pep talk, went over some math problems with her and proved to her that she really does know it.

  I babysit for another 7 year old girl after school during the week. This girl takes ashma meds like your son and is very creative and intelligent. Her problem is that in school and at home she has a very hard time focusing. She had a very bad day yesterday as there was a note in her folder that she had been given one hour to complete three simple tasks and didn't do any of them. When she was at my house after school I caught her poking a pencil into my ottoman, quite unaware of what she was doing. It was one of those days where she just couldn't find focus. My personal feeling about it is that she's overstimulated, probably partly from the meds she takes. She's involved in alot of activities after school (actually after 6:30 pm when her mom picks her up) and I have to wonder about that. I can understand that her parents might be trying to give her an outlet for her energy, but I'm inclined to think that she would benefit from some sort of instruction on how to relax.

  I can understand your concern for your son, but I wouldn't be too quick to assume that it's some sort of medical problem. Young kids have external issues that can affect them in a negative way just like we do. It's up to us to help them learn how to recognize and deal with the stress of life in a positive way.

  Lea
• 

  wannaexit

  It sounds like he has executive function disorders.

  If he has good grades the school will not test him but a private child psycologist might be able to give a lot of information.

  You have a p.m.

  wanna