It's difficult to lose a parent, I know. But, it seems like there's a bit of relief in your post and that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. My grandmother passed away last year after lengthy 'old-agedness' in which she could not do anything for herself. It was very hard to look after her and even harder to watch her pitiful quality of life...death was peace for her and relief for the family. Sorry to anyone who thinks that is harsh, but it's the truth. I was not sorry when she died; I was sorry when she was too far gone to be able to enjoy any part of living anymore.
((Hugs to you acsot)). You are a gem and I was so glad to have met you in Ottawa.