Mum passed away two weeks ago

by acsot 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • acsot

    Well, I finally received that dreaded phone call from the hospital. Mum died peacefully in her sleep two weeks ago. She'd been paralyzed on one side since her last stroke and could no longer swallow. The doctors wanted to insert a feeding tube in her stomach, which she refused. The day after she passed away. It's been an emotional roller coaster ever since. I feel relieved, sad, forlorn, wishing there's something beyond this life, happy to get on with my own life, etc. etc.

    The funeral was at a funeral parlour near our old Kingdom Hall. An elderly JW did the talk, and I'm actually glad that it was a cut-and-paste, dry Watchtower talk 'cause I didn't get weepy at all during the service.

    Lots of people from work came and were impressed by how many people attended the funeral of an elderly widow. I have to admit, the dubs outdid themselves in providing food and being friendly without any preachiness.

    So, sorry guys, but I have no horror stories to tell about how incredibly awful and coldhearted the JWs were. My Jewish boss and his wife told me that they found it rather refreshing, since at Jewish funerals there is so much forced weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, with each person trying to outdo the next in demonstrating the depths of their grief.

    The JW elder did kind of forget who his audience was and started in on "worldly" people and the 144,000; when I asked a few people what they thought of that, they either didn't listen and didn't really care what beliefs JWs have.

    That's when it really hit home to me what a teeny, small, insular world JWs live in. The non-JWs who were at the funeral were there to support my brother and I, not to listen to a religion's dogma. I'm sure the JWs are hoping it "gave a good witness" and all that crap, and that those few insignificant words will have all kind of ripple effects, when in fact the non-dubs didn't even really listen and could care less what JWs believe. They were, however, impressed with all the food prepared by the dubs!

    Well, now I'm just rambling. I think it's mum's death is too recent for me to be able to get any kind of perspective on things. Maybe I'll come up with some bad stuff about the dubs and their actions during the funeral after I've had time to assimilate everything .

  • Fe2O3Girl

    Dear Acsot, I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I am glad that the JW funeral was not an ordeal for you.

    You are right that JWs assume they have far more significance to normal people than they actually do.

  • PointBlank

    Dearest Acsot,

    My condolences on the passing of the mother. Death is a harsh reality for the living. There's simply no way to prepare oneself. This is especially difficult for JWs or exJWs, since our indoctrination didn't even attempt to prepare us for such an event.

    Like most things of this nature, it involves a whole process of different stages to get through it. And you'll experience every one of them. All we can do is just let them happen.

    But, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. When I was a JW, my JW best friend's mother died. This friend experienced the grieving process like most people. Eventually she realized (she confessed this to me) that she was enjoying life again and being happy. THEN she started feeling guilty about being happy while her mother lay in the grave. (Something her mother would have NOT wanted for her).

    You mentioned "wishing there's something beyond this life." There IS infinitely more than what we see. Existance as we know it is is just a minute piece of a much larger puzzle. In the end, we're all going to be amazed.


  • cruzanheart


    Love & hugs,


  • blondie

    Oh, Acsot, I'm so sorry for you and your mom. It's too bad the JWs weren't more of a support when your mother was alive.



  • doodle-v

    Im so very sorry for your loss.


  • bebu


    I'm sorry to hear that your mother has passed away, although I guess it was long expected. Still, it takes a while for adjusting.

    I'm GLAD that people treated you well and provided a lot of food. Sincere acts of kindness should be always appreciated... (you can always wrestle with their demons later!)



  • Bubbamar

    So sorry to hear about your loss. I'm glad to hear the JW's didn't act like asses at the funeral.

    I have often wondered if my mom died - would they even call me? So I'm glad to hear some of them can pull it together when need be.

    (((((((Sorry again for your loss.))))))))))))

  • Special K
    Special K

    Dear Ascot

    So sorry for the loss of your mom.

    I very happy that the J.W. didn't make a big ordeal of it. That's nice.


    from: Special K

  • kls

    Sorry to hear of her passing : (

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