and the words that echoed through the ages came to my ear....Before the cock crows three times, you will deny me....
LET US TRY AN EXQUISITE CORPSE
... the next thing he remembered was waking on a hypnotists couch covered in bird seed.
"WTF has been going on", he declared.
"Oh bugger, I said feck."
"Bl**dy hell, I said bugger."
"Oh shyte, I said bl**dy!!!!"
Where is there an Elder when I need one he thought, in panic.
Dejected he wandered off to the Kingdom Hall, in pursuit of a bedarkened back room.
On arrival the spotlight snapped on...
"Name?" Asked the stern voice of an indistinct member of the JC.
"Is that you Ethel?", he replied.
"Ahem, so tell us about the hand holding incident - was it loose conduct?" came the reply, after an awkward pause.
"No, you've got it wrong, I'm here about the use of language" he interjected, flustered.
"Wrong? We've got it wrong? That doesn't sound very repentant! Go out into the other room while we deliberate your fate" hissed the silhouette...
Where is there an Elder when I need one he thought, in panic.
Waking up with a start, Mookie looked around himself, wondering where in the world he was and how he got there. Tying one on last night wasn't such a good idea. And where did all this bird seed come from?? Oh well, it's time to figure out what's going on.
Pulling himself up from the floor, Mookie realized he was in the 'ministry school room 2' at the kingdom hall. The last thing he remembered was sister Cookie coming to his house for a bible study. And then it all came flooding back....sister Cookie
...came for my bible study, she was alone. She was acting all kinds of strange. It started out by her slipping in the door, nervously running to the window, and peering out of the blinds like she was being followed. When she was satisfied that she wasn't being followed, she turned to me, slung her glasses (the ones that made her look so matronly) across the room, and released the barrett from her French knot, allowing her silken locks to cascade down her back and shoulders. With a crazed glow in her bedroom green eyes, she flipped her head over and started shaking her hair like a lioness with her prey. Then she slowly raised her gaze to my stunned silence and told me she had....apos...Oh, my head..I can't remember....
these black outs are getting worse..........I've got to get to a Dr..............wonder if he's going to tell me I'm bipolar or have MPD...........well, with these JW's, he'd certainly fit right in, he thought, dazedly shaking his head.......and what about that fellow, Hazzard.....Danny Hazzard.........what was he trying to tell me before those gorillas stuffed him into the back of that cop car?
...filled with the dread and apprehension that joyous knowing brings, Mookie began to sweat. It was an unusually hot morning for this time of midafternoon evenings as he desperately tried to wrap these thoughts around his brainstem as spun candy 'round a stick...hoping somehow to make some sense of all that had transpired just a few short moments before tomorrow (eastern standard time) ....perhaps the gorillas held the clue... perhaps they were only holding bananas...either way something needed to be peeled and fast.........
Being such a hot day, so peeled he did as he took off all his cloths and went skinny dipping next door at Elder Dogooders swimming pool. Mookie swam a couple of refreshing laps around the Dogooders pool he noticed a pink rubber tube on the side of the pool. Mookie pulled himself up onto the edge of the pool and in all his manly glory walked over to pick up the tube. As he was bending down to pick it up, Sister Dogooder came out of the back door, startled and screamed at Mookie......
"That's not a tube" she yelled, "our Pookie has been eating spun candy again".
Mookie looked again, and sure enough, it was the most enormous pink turd!
He turned around, with an appreciative eye, and profered his hand to an aggrivated Elder Dogooder.
Pookie looked on at a potential sausage supper, appreciatively, licking her canine chops.
Elder Dogooder looked at his hand disdainfully, as Sister Dogooder looked on with an appreciative eye of her own. Was she trembling?
"Darn, it seems that all the good-looking women around here have Parkinsons" he thought silently.
"Why are we thinking silently?" thought Elder Dogooder.
"I don't know" thought Mookie, "it's all rather confusing really".
Mookie wandered off to his pile of clothes and bent to pick them up.
"Who's that describing my every move" Mookie thought, in paranoid tones.
"There's noone here but us mices" thought the narrator.
"Ah, that's ok then..." he thought, as he resumed picking up the garments that were so casually strewn around the grass, like fall leaves on a sunlit morning, though it was evening and the sun was going down (about eight o'clock).
Sister Dogooder drooled then went entirely pale as she thought "My god, it's the last turkey in the shop!"
Mookie and Elder Dogooder spun around, anger in their twin-beam eyes, as she dropped in a faint.
"First blaspheming the Organisation with her talk of g-d, and then making a scene by fainting. Oh woe is me!" declared Elder Dogooder.
"What is the world coming to?" portended Mookie, as he pulled up his slacks.
He was overzealous though (like every aspiring JW), and this caused him to pull up his flies rather quickly, giving himself an abrupt haircut.
"Gawd, I wish I was still that overzealous" thought Elder Dogooder.
Mookie and Sister Dogooder's heads snapped around, and he blushed.
Sister Dogooder clambered to her feet, cricking her neck a few times, as fast movements while prostrate weren't really her forte since she gave up Pilates and Yoga when joining the "Troof" Tm .
"Oh well", she declared amiably, "let's go in and have a nice cup of herbal tea"...
"Herbal Tea gives me the runs I'm afraid", Mookie explained sheepishly.
"But, my grandad use to swear by it. Except he swore so much anyway..."
Dogooder held up her index finger to shoosh the narrative and pointed to something Mookie couldn't quite make out.
Upon closer examination he saw it was a tiny camera; a SPY camera of all things!
"What the...?" Mookie began...but he was silenced once more by the sister's beckoning finger.
She led him across the room following a tiny cable as it snaked along the ceiling.
She pointed to a locked door.....
"This is our special room, for our special guests." The Mookster wasn't sure how he felt about her comment, but it definitely excited him. She reached into her back pocket slowly, to get the key; which drew Mookie's eyes in that direction. She was wearing flattering jeans and her ass was nice and round. He had only seen her at the hall wearing polyester, flower print, Kingdom-Hall-approved dresses. What a nice change. He closed his eyes for one moment trying to picture that bottom outside of those jeans. Oh what he'd like to do to her ..--
-- the door is open. How long had he been standing there day-dreaming about her backside? Sister DoGooder had already passed through its threshold and was beckoning to him from the other side. The room was incredible! This was either going to be fun.. or painful..