Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend 55 Replies latest social relationships

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  Scully

  Regarding birthdays and holidays, I've just scanned and uploaded for you 5 pages from the JWs' book that is supposedly designed for children: Learn from the Great Teacher.

  This is the same information that your JW boyfriend has been taught for as long as he has been around JWs and believes to be "The Truth". This book is the storybook of choice for JW parents to read to their children from infancy. This is what any children you have with him will be taught about birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, Hallowe'en, St. Patrick's Day, Cinquo de Mayo, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Canada Day, Independence Day, etc.

  Please read it and realize that if you and your family celebrate these days, your child will be taught to view these celebrations according to the pages I've scanned for you.

  Love, Scully
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  XQsThaiPoes

  Doesnt the 2004 july 8th awake compromise that?

  How come you did not paste all those young people ask articles on "intimacy" he grew up with but have no probelm ignoring? As a father will he not let his kids celebrate birthdays, but let them have some sex? For teenage JWs everywhere I know which one of those they'll gladly trade off. Hmm birthday cake or cherry pie? Decisions, decisions.
• 

  Scully

  XQsThaiPoes writes:

  Doesnt the 2004 july 8th awake compromise that?

  I wouldn't know. I don't have the July 8, 2004 Awake! magazine to do a comparison. The Learn from the Great Teacher book is a 2003 publication. And, more importantly, it is consistent with what JWs have taught for decades.

  How come you did not paste all those young people ask articles on "intimacy" he grew up with but have no probelm ignoring? As a father will he not let his kids celebrate birthdays, but let them have some sex? For teenage JWs everywhere I know which one of those they'll gladly trade off. Hmm birthday cake or cherry pie? Decisions, decisions.

  Well, for starters, jwgirlfriend had specific questions about holidays and birthdays, not about intimacy between her and her boyfriend being a "no-no" for him. When she wants to know more about that, it is very clear to me that she is an intelligent young woman and will ask about it.

  Love, Scully
• 

  jwbot

  He said when he became an adult he researched his beliefs and felt they were correct.

  All JW's say that :(

  jwgirlfriend: if he is not spiritually strong in his religion, there may be hope for you. My suggestion would be to think of some ground rules in reguards to raising children. Tell him that you do not want any children of yours to be taught that your beliefs (including celebrations) are bad, that they are to make their own choice when they are old enough to. That your beliefs are to not be put down, and that your beliefs are just as valid. I would also stress no demon stories as these stories have still haunted me (I grew up in the religion).

  How do you feel about equality? JW men are taught at a young age that women are to be subjagated. (sp?) Some men realize this is crap but they are a rare minority. How does he feel about you making your own desicions? Working outside the home? Controlling your money? Being equal?

  I would talk more about these things before going any further with you. If he seems sincere in his answers and they are satisfactory to you, I would stick with him...he may be a good guy.

  It sounds to me he is a mixed up person though. I was too when I first left and dated a non-jw. I felt very guilty about going to birthdays and holidays and eventually I went. I did have no problem being intimate as I was able to justify myself easily. He is just having a hard time justifying a birthday celebration. I personally find it rude that he could break a huuuge rule and be intimate with you but not break a small rule and attend your birthday? Very rude in my opinion...I would be so hurt. :(
• 

  myauntfanny

  XQ, for goodness sake, she loves him, please quit calling him a jerk and a weasel and also please quit saying he is just exploiting her for sex, that's insulting to her too. He sounds like a perfectly nice but confused person. And some of the other things you're saying are not really true. It may be technically okay to celebrate birthdays but you know as well as I do that it is so heavily discouraged, it might as well be outright forbidden. And other holidays ARE outright forbidden. Also you say she should find a "liberal and tolerant" JW but, in the first place, a wife needs to be more than tolerated. And in the second place, the most liberal and tolerant JW in the world still believes in Armageddon and that all non-JWs will be killed in it, hopefully next week. I mean to be a JW, you really have to believe that, right? Please tell me if that's changed, XQ, because it's important. No religion that seriously hopes for the mass destruction of most of humanity is harmless, however parochial it may be.
• 

  XQsThaiPoes

  It may be technically okay to celebrate birthdays but you know as well as I do that it is so heavily discouraged, it might as well be outright forbidden.

  When was it technically okay for JWs to have sex when that is outright forbidden? He has crossed the line of being honorably confused.
  

  And in the second place, the most liberal and tolerant JW in the world still believes in Armageddon and that all non-JWs will be killed in it, hopefully next week. I mean to be a JW, you really have to believe that, right?

  Well considering that the watchtower keeps changing what it thinks armegoddon is that is problem. They have structure a false dicotomy, complex question, and "no true scottsman" falacy working hand and hand. It is so hard to explain in the nature you asked we need another thread. Maybe thats why the watchtower rewrote armageddon so that you can't ask a fair question about JW beliefs with out a long winded explaination. In general I can say no jws don't have to belief that for the sake of this thread. Unless the starter don't mind a little hijacking.
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  jwgirlfriend

  Thank you Scully and MyAuntFanny for your information and support.

  I can recognize when I am wanted solely for sex, and I know this is not the case here. We have had a relationship for almost a year now. This man didn?t even kiss me for two months we were dating. It was all hugs. He is a true gentleman (and this was a wonderful change from the norm). After reading your posts, I realize that also may be due to how he was raised as a JW.

  I do love him. He is a good man. I agree he has flaws, as do I. His may be a bit more serious, though. I have called him and his family hypocrites on quite a few occasions for several reasons; one of them being his ability to have sex, yet not to attend a party. It led to a lot of hurt and insults that I cannot take back. I have to admit I am not the most tactful when I am angry. I believe he truly is confused and I think there is a lot of guilt going on inside. His has been experiencing a lot of stress and family issues lately, and I think he feels it?s because he isn?t doing what he is supposed to in the eyes of God. He has been trying to be a ?better? person, which does concern me a little. I will have to learn quickly, how to approach the topic without getting angry or always trying to prove that I am right.

  JWbot, you provided me with some wonderful suggestions. (and yes I was and still am VERY HURT). I realize I am going to have extremely specific when we discuss our future and children. I haven?t seen him since my birthday. I?ve spent time with my family and inside am holding a bit of a grudge for him not even calling me in regards to it. As for these demon stories, I am curious about them. He won?t watch anything slightly close to scary with me
• 

  Lady Lee

  jwgf

  I've been rummaging around in old threads and came across this

  brutalized toddlers I think it is important to read because this is typical of how small children are treated at meetings. In fact this is encouraged and I recall being told to spank my daughter to keep her quiet at the meeting. She was 2 weeks old at the time. I was horrified.
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  jwgirlfriend

  Thank you Lady Lee. I appreciate you looking out for me. I know he has mentioned on several occasions he doesn't believe in spanking/hitting children, and made some very nasty comments about those who do. Thank God he can see clearly on that one.
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  XQsThaiPoes

  Actually I have a sad/funny story. On of the elders got up on the podium and told the people at the hall to stop taking their kids outside the hall and beating them because it makes us look bad.Then he said "Jehovah's House is not the place to be disciplining your children your should have done so at home."