Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend 55 Replies latest social relationships

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  jgnat

  Nice to see we didn't scare you away. I think you need to attend a service when they really rip in to the other churches. Just so you understand how prejudiced your boyfriend still appears to be. If you want, I will keep a sharp lookout, and suggest a service to visit. Too bad, you just missed one.
  

  Is it really awful to do these things with me? I really need to know. Is he truly acting against God by going to dinner with me on my birthday or going to my parents house when a Christmas tree is up? Would it have been a sin to call me on my birthday and say "how is your bday going?" I will be reading all of your suggested links.

  All of these questions need to be asked of your boyfriend. You need to discuss them fully and completely. Nothing we say can change what he has made up in his mind to do regardless. One of the reasons I went ahead and married, was because I am finished with childbearing. My hubby has said he WOULD NOT have married me if we were to have children together. The strife over how to raise the children would have been too much.

  Also, check out his opinion on blood transfusions. Will he expect to let you watch him die if he experiences a life-threatening loss of blood? Would he allow you to have a blood transfusion if you were not in a condition to let your own wishes be known?
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  jwgirlfriend

  I attended the Memorial service with him. It was different than the type of service I am used to, but I know the Memorial isn't a "typical" JW service. You are right. I didn't think about attending a service to learn more about how they are.

  No you haven't scared me away. You all have been very helpful and kind.I am so thankful for that. I was apprehensive about posting because I wasn't sure if everyone would be so nice.

  I will definitely ask him these questions. We have spoken about the blood transfusions which terrifies me! (My father had a heart attack on June 16 and has been in a coma ever since. He has had 3 blood transfusions since that day. I always think about how my boyfriend wouldn't take blood to save his life. It saddens me.) In regards to blood, my boyfriend says he would respect my wishes, but that I should respect his. I would do my best to honor his wish of not receiving blood, but if it were our child- I would fight to the finish.

  We've been really stressed lately because he is working so much. I will try to find a good time to ask. Has it been difficult for
• 

  Joker10

  , apparently his reason for saying he is not practicing is because he isn't perfect,

  The man doesnt want to be a Jehovah's Witness. As you can see, he is not spiritual, so holidays and all those other celebrations won't bug him, so don't worry. But please don't let him wonder about what your thoughts are about 'his' religion. Be very clear about it.
• 

  shotgun

  Joker..every once and a while I could hug ya..ya big lug

  But please don't let him wonder about what your thoughts are about 'his' religion. Be very clear about it.

  What are you trying to do by giving sound advice like that...you have a reputation to keep up ya know.
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  blondie

  Remember too that whatever he says now can change overnight, especially if he gets a twinge of conscience or something on the magnitude of 9-11 happens again.

  He can always go back, regardless of what he says now.

  Blondie (I grew up in a family with a non-JW father and JW mother, don't do it)
• 

  jwgirlfriend

  Joker, that is exactly what I thought in the beginning. But now it seems he is trying to be a "better" person. Which is why he feels it would be bad to go to dinner with me and my friends for my birthday. I also felt he had some doubts when he wasn't the one who told me he is a JW. I was at church with a mutual friend of ours( at the time my boyfriend and I had been dating for a little over a month-not seriously yet) and asked her if he went to church. This was a week before Christmas. We were talking around Thanksgiving and I had asked him to visit us on Christmas. He never gave me that as a reason why he wasn't attending.

  I have told him how I felt. He gets angry with me because he thinks I will be mad at our future children if they choose to follow his beliefs. But there is so much guilt in this faith- I am afraid a child would feel so much pressure and be afraid to offend God.

  I've been around him when he is with his daughter and he will "joke"(as he calls it) about her going to birthday parties when she isn't around him. I find this very disturbing, but he says it is just joking and he tells his daughter whatever she does is between her and God. Don't get me wrong, his is an excellent, loving father. I am just afraid a lifetime of training in this faith has affected some of his abilities to distinguish between reality and how he wants it to be.
• 

  jwgirlfriend

  Blondie, is it really that bad? I am sure you wouldn't lie. I just had hoped that it would be possible.
• 

  blondie

  Yes, I'm not lying. I have seen it happen. He swears up and down he is gone and won't go back. Then his father dies and he goes to the JW funeral and he worries he won't see him in the resurrection. Then you have children and one needs a transfusion and his JW relatives and friends are all around pressuring him not to authorize a blood transfusion saying he is jeopardizing their eternal future. Or something happens in world events that convinces him that the "end" is nigh and he has to quick get back on "Jehovah's" side.

  Be careful, even if he is sincere, he has no idea what an emotional pull the WTS has on people. Unless he has proved to himself the lies they teach, he will always be in danger of going back.

  Even when we do make a break, we carry baggage that takes several years to excise from our mind and heart.

  Blondie (only 3 years gone)
• 

  Lady Lee

  jwgirlfriend

  does anyone know you are his girlfriend? When he took you to the Memorial did he introduce you as the girlfriend or as an interested person?

  Does his family know of your relationship? (if they are JWs)?

  Um big question and no need to answer here but have you had sex? or are you living together?

  If so has he been spoken to by the elders? if they know? Also if yes does he feel guilty or ashamed and want to keep the realtionship s secret?

  If your are in a sexual relationship and the elders know they will start putting pressure on him to avoid you. He may be in great fear of anyone finding out these things or even suspecting them. He could be in a lot of trouble and sometimes the guilt is enough to make them want to be "good" which means religion first - all else last.

  If he gets a case of the guilts or at some point feels he must take a stand be prepared for him to be gone Sat and perhaps Sun mornings for service. Sun afternoon for a meeting. Tues and Thurs evenings for more meetings. And he will expect to take your children along even on school nights

  Your children will be taught that only the JWs have the "right" religion. All others are controlled by Satan. And if you go to one of those churches then YOU are controlled by Satan.

  These are not exceptions. They are the rule.

  Even if he never went to another meeting as long as he still believes it in his head he will be controlled by it and will refuse to participate in things or do them with a lot of guilt. It makes for a very unhappy person and a very miserable life.

  Am I scaring you? well you need to be scared.

  Thw WTS/JWs are just as dangerous to you, your relationship and any future children as the Branch Davidians/David Koresh and the Moonies and the group led by Jim Jones. They may not kill in such a direct manner but they kill the spirit of their followers and turn them into robots who are unable to be real.

  Read everything you can get your hands on. Learn as much as you can and be wise
• 

  myauntfanny

  I always write the same thing to the people who come on here asking if it can work. Sometimes they are young people and not thinking about children at all, but you are thinking about children already, so it's really important to know this. JWs believe that Armageddon is going to come any day, and they hope for it to come soon. The believe that EVERYONE who is not a JW will be killed in Armageddon. The children are taught this for at least five hours a week. At some point children understand that this means you, their mother, and their beloved grandparents, their uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. It also means all their friends at school.

  The damage this does to a child is mindboggling. If they are young when it dawns on them, they may become very frightened about losing you. They may develop difficulties attaching to anybody. They may do what a lot of JWs do and reject everybody who isn't JW because they don't want to suffer losing them in Armageddon. If they have non-JW impulses themselves, they will have to live with the fear of themselves dying in Armageddon.

  It is a religion that is designed for exclusion. To be included you have to be a JW, period. There's no middle path. They do not negotiate.