Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend 55 Replies latest social relationships

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  bisous

  best reason by far, aunt fanny.

  Many of us here are childhood victims of this cult, jwgirlfriend. And believe me, do not be deceived, it IS a cult not a religion. I'm glad you are doing your homework, the more you objectively compare JWism to other religions, the more you will be convinced this is true. Check out LadyLee's thread, I implore you.

  Do you really want to inflict that upon your most loved of all loved ones, your children?

  Also, if you go back and re-read just the posts you have placed on this thread, jwgirlfriend, you will see your own doubts set forth and the contradictions and concerns you are already feeling. Trust your instincts in this matter or you will live to regret it.
• 

  run dont walk

  RUN !!!!!!!

  AND DONT LOOK BACK, trust me
• 

  XQsThaiPoes

  The guy sounds like a jerk. THere is no such thing as a "non practicing jw".

  Note there are jws with fortitude and jws that are very liberal and tolerant. HE IS NOT ONE OF THOSE!

  He is a weasel. He does not want the hassel of being a full time jw and he is not "spiritualy mature" enought to stand on his own two feet. He wants bronies points for pissing you off and depressing you while he warps and twist the beliefs of the jw faith to how he sees fit. Think of it JWs are encouraged to date only jws (this is good advice all things considered). He sees that it not only fine to decide to date you but consider kids with you. ALso he married a non JW before. And she has the costody of the kids.

  I see him as a serial offender. He knows JWs have adimantine beliefs he also knows that marring a non jw can cause problems, he also knows that getting a divorce and taking care of the kids, while being celebate is not his style. So he will marry you when the situation gets bad youll take the kids. Because you are divorced you start dating again then he can remarry. I say dump him. He should be going to your birthday. JWs can they just don't because it may make them look bad. He just does not want to "buy the cow". He would rather get brownie points.

  If you like JW men find one that stands for something and will go to you birth day. Not a "non practicing" weassel that won't.

  No offense if I mis-characterized him, but he is not a "strong enought" jw to marry you. He is just a pooser that really doesn't care about you or is own religion that much.
• 

  jwgirlfriend

  Yes, all his best friends know (they are not JW). His family knows(they are- and quite serious about being JW in my opinion). I spend a lot of time with his family. His was married to a non JW for many years. He says the differences in faiths were never a problem for them. Yes, when I was introduced to anyone at Memorial it was as his girlfriend.

  No, we are not living together, but uh yes, we have been intimate.

  I have never felt he wanted to keep our relationship a secret at all. He has only been to service, however, about 5 times that I know of since we have been dating in the past year. He works a lot. I don't know if this is why he hasn't gone or not. His family attends very regularly.

  Your children will be taught that only the JWs have the "right" religion. All others are controlled by Satan. And if you go to one of those churches then YOU are controlled by Satan.

  Even if he never went to another meeting as long as he still believes it in his head he will be controlled by it and will refuse to participate in things or do them with a lot of guilt. It makes for a very unhappy person and a very miserable life.

  Thank you for your comments. It is all a bit confusing because there is so much that he doesn't do as a typical JW, however, as you said -he has been told all of these things since birth. I don't think he would ever really feel comfortable attending anything close to a celebration with me. He certainly belives these things are wrong. He said when he became an adult he researched his beliefs and felt they were correct. YET, as per what I have read a lot on here, I find it impossible to believe that he read any true contridicting literature. When I presented him with some things I read on websites, he felt I was attacking him and his faith by reading mostly negative stuff. I don't want to attack his faith. At least he has one and loves God. And I am not trying to persuade him that mine is "better." (Although I may come across that way at times) I just wish he didn't find so many things as being "bad". I try to find any positive and work with it - but for me, it is hard to find a lot. I find it so hard to believe that God doesn't want us to celebrate life in all the different ways we do today. God knows when I celebrate, it is about the blessings I have been given in family and friends.

  I don't want to change him totally, but I guess I wish he would do somethings with me. Now, I realize I don't have much of a chance of him doing that. I love this man truly. I wish there were a way I could talk to him without sounding like I am attacking him.

  Thanks
• 

  jwgirlfriend

  XQsThaiPoes

  Yes, that was a bit rough, but I am asking for comments- so thank you.

  Can they really attend birthdays? Do people do this? Wouldn't that fight everything they believe? I've always thought it's about whats in your heart, not where you are or what others around you are doing. I guess I just can't find a middle ground and that was what I was hoping for. In his defense however, he is not the type to just "give up" on his family. He took his divorce hard and is a very active father. But I too, have felt he chooses to follow what he agrees with, and ignore what he doesn't. The only problem I have here is- that isn't that what most of us do in our faiths? God knows I am not perfect and there are some "sins" I feel more comfortable committing than others. It is hard for me to feel I have a solid leg to stand on when I tell him that.

  Thanks
• 

  XQsThaiPoes

  No offense.

  You know little about JWs. This guy is a flake. If he will tap your A* and not sit in on your birthday he is just exploiting you. He is not a good jw, and will probally be kicked out if you tell his elders. Dump him. He has no excuse and no integrity. You are going to be heart broken at the end of this. If you are going to marry a JW marry a good one. He is probally only dating you because since you are not a JW, and you wont ever have a streak of concience, and run to the jw elders. I mean would you turst a catholic girl that doesn't used protection yet does not mind having an abortion?

  The only reason he believes this nonsense about birthdays (btw jws can celebrate them if they wish) is because it is an easy battle to win. He probally wont even take blood fractions either even thought they are allowed. Many people that suck at being JWs are hyper legalistic on small things that are really not that important. While they do bigger things that are actuall in the bible. Didn't someone famous say something about that? (Mat 23:24)

  I would not want to live with a two faced person that does not know they are two faced. It is one thing if they were doing this secretly to preserve some family relation ship or something. But he actually believes this after his own religion softened its view. He is using you. Probally for sex, and the fact that you are not a jw so you can't use all kinds of jw theocratic warfare tactics on him.
• 

  ballistic

  I wish there were a way I could talk to him without sounding like I am attacking him.

  You must understand that you are dealing with a cult member, not just a "religious" person. They are taught to put the blinkers up if the religion is questioned. It will be uncomfortable for him to hear his religion "attacked" (in his mind). The relationship will also be difficult, and if as you say, "intimacy" is involved, he may be dealing with feelings such as guilt which can be very self destructive.
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  XQsThaiPoes

  I still defend JWs are not cultist. Just they have an old school belief structure that went out of style during the reformation and even the church has toned it down.

  I would not attack JWs at all they are a harmless parochial faith. I would attack him. How dare he not celebrate your birth day when he already has been "intimate". You can't get disfellowshiped officially from celebrating a birthday, but you sure as heck can being intimate. Why is his brain so maligned he would dare piss you off with such a callous assesment of morality Whip his butt and send him back to the kingdom hall. He is a jerk. THis has nothing to do with JWs its a character flaw.
• 

  ballistic

  A side point here. You say he researched the religion to prove it was true. Well, most of us here have done some kind of research. Yes you, can go to your local library and prove that Easter and Christmas are totally PAGAN!!! (insert sound effects from the film psycho) .

  My mother told me while I was growing up, that she had done this research, and I trusted her. If she had done it, it was good enough for me.

  Thing is, Jehovahs witnesses are discouraged from hearing the views of critics and ex-members so that they don't become tainted in some way. So you see, researching the most important aspects of the religion are out-ruled.
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  XQsThaiPoes

  Actually the bann seems to be doing or saying anything with your findings. You can read and look up what ever you want, but in general jws are not allowed to do or say anything until the people at the top says so. Except on the issues where they have said don't ask don't tell. Then what ever you do is between you and God.Unless there is a schism underway or some legal reason.