A knock on my door- and I'm still shaking

by cyber-sista 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • Xena

    I look at them and think to myself, "That could be me still"......gives me the willies everytime!

  • codeblue

    I know exactly how you feel.

    I have faded a year now and get shakey with each JW contact at my house.

    NOdenial, my hubby blabbed stuff to one of my Jw sisters (he wasn't suppose to ) and she took what he said out on me, it was terrible. I will probably never hear from her again. Whatever change in life I have, should have come from me....NOT him...and he had just met my sisters.

    I just want to cry or hid in a whole....

    My whole life as a JW I had to be different.........and now I have to be different again and face their judgemental crap..........Sometimes it is just too much for me to take.

    I can't afford a therapist....glad you can...I know I need one.

    Hang in there, pm me if ya want.



  • shamus
    The therapist that I am seeing just reminded me that 5 months ago when I first came to see him I was in a state of shock and suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, because of the stress I had been put under by those "loving shepherd" elders and also the stress of pulling away from the Org collective

    I think what you're going through right now is rather normal. I wonder how Jesus views people that put others through so much guilt that they suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. "take my yolk, it is light and kindly".

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    You managed to control yourself very well, and I am proud of you. ((((cyber-sista))))

    I can identify with your aftermath too.

    I have many rellies that are very happy with their faith and I am happy/not happy (if you know what I mean) to leave them with their illusions.

    We don't need enemies, so why create them by attacking their faith. This is the attitude I am now taking with my parents. We have agreed to disagree and we no longer discuss religion ( I hope). But it is tough and I do leave their house shaking at times, shaking with frustration.

    Which reminds me of a definition of frustration.

    "Suppressing an overwhelming desire to beat the shit out of someone who desperately needs it."

  • Sirona

    (((cyber - sis)))

    You did well just keeping calm whilst she was at the door.

    As time goes by I'm sure things will become easier,


  • JT

    look at them and think to myself, "That could be me still"......gives me the willies everytime


    and this is really the botttom line, it is like looking at a mirror of yourself-

    it is scary- when i see the old tire broke down black jw here in wash dc on the street trying to sell wt to some white high powered $700 per hour lawyers i think of myself as a black man- i used to comfort myself by saying THEY ARE HAVING THEIR REWARD IN FULL NOW- beleiving that in the end i would get THE LAST LAUGH, but all those years the joke was on me

    so when i see them downtown dc i think my wife and i will be 65 in 24 more years and that would be us - unless we had found the truth about the TRUTH-

  • zugzwang


    I agree with the comments of others made here. Part of your shock is the fact that that could have still been you. Knowing that you were once on that train wreck and seeing others still on it is shocking. And knowing that there is nothing you can do to help them is soooo frustrating. I too have seen a therapist lately, and I was informed that per capita more JW's and former JW's seek professional psychological help than any other religious group. We were all too varying degrees psychologically raped by the borg. So give yourself time, eventually you will be able to respond with less shock. Try this next time, the next time she visits tell her that if she can show you one secular reference referring to the destruction of Jerusalem as occuring in 607 BCE instead of 587/86 BCE that you'll go to a meeting with her. That'll keep her searching for a long time.


  • sunshineToo

    I agree with blondie. Cybersis, you have been revisited by your past traumatic experience. I am DA'd so no jws want to talk to me, which is great in a way. They don't bother me directly, and I get to be free from them in certain measure.

    But it was very rude for that pioneer sister. She was invading your privacy. As soon as you sent her a signal that you were not interested in, she should have left you alone. Some witnesses, esp. pioneers, are so errogant. I knew a pioneer sister who would ring the door bell when we were out in the field service 9:30AM. Some people in our territories were working at night and sleeping in the day time. When I mention to her that maybe we should gently knock the door, she said, "Then they should have put a note on their door that they are day sleepers. It is their fault if there is no note on the door."

  • shamus
    "Then they should have put a note on their door that they are day sleepers. It is their fault if there is no note on the door."

    What an inconsiderate thing to say. They think nothing other than themselves. That was the prevailing attitude. I always felt awful when I would wake someone up, or they were shift workers. Sounds like she didn't give a crap.

  • Sassy

    Cyber this would stress me out! I totally empathise with you! I would be the same way.. that is why I moved.. I couldn't take the stress

    yesterday I ran into this woman I work with who is a sister.. she asked me when my dc was.. well I knew there was an English one this weekend so I said this weekend.. guess what? so is hers!!

    I just know my back is going to be out this weekend.. oh darn.. I had to miss the whole thing I guess I'll have to tell her..

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