Not a Jehovah's Witness, but studying.

by scoobie 153 Replies latest members private

• 

  ESTEE

  Hi Scoobie and welcome to the forum!

  I'm glad you have an open mind and are willing to ask other people questions, and not just take the jw's at their word. They are "love bombing" you until you get involved too deep to get out.

  I was born and raised as a jw. I got baptised after I maried an unbeliever and had a couple of kids. I raised my kids as jws.

  Well, when my kids grew up and left home, I decided I had enough abuse from my alcoholic cheating husband, and I got into therapy. My self-esteem was so low that it took me three years of therapy before I found the inner strength to divorce my husband. That is when my trouble with the jws began.

  Once divorced, I started to question what I really wanted in my life. What did I want to do with the rest of my life? Well, I decided I wanted to take up ballroom dancing. This raised a red flag with the elders and they began to counsel me about the dangers of making friends with "worldly" men. One of them might want to "date" me. Well, I thought a date would be a good thing. But no. Because I was a jw, I was not allowed to date "worldly" men. I was only allowed to date jw men.

  Except that there were no real jw men. The only "available" jw men were so dysfunctional, they could not even make eye contact with me, never mind get up the nerve to ask me out on a date! And it was completely unthinkable that me, a lowly woman, would take the initiative to ask a "brother" for a date!

  So, I kept right on taking dance lessons. And of course, there were several nice gentlemen who were interested in me. They wanted a dance partner. They wanted a life partner. I did get involved with my dance partner. And of course, because I exercised my own thinking and decision-making abilities, and got involved with my dance partner, this got me disfellowshipped.

  Now, this is where my kids enter the picture ... or leave ... as the case may be. Once disfellowshipped, my children were not allowed contact with me. They were told to "shun" me. They were not allowed to speak with me. To me this was emotional blackmail. To me, this was "conditional love" in action. They were not allowed to express love for me, they were not allowed to associate with me, unless I "repented" of my "sin" and quit associating with my "worldly friends", including my dance partner who had become my lover.

  I started to learn about how cults work. I discovered that "emotional blackmail" was but one tactic that cults will use to control their members.

  I read a most educational book called "Crisis of Conscience", written by a "brother" who lived at the Head Offices of the jws, and who told his experiences within the organization. This was a real eye opener for me, as it helped me to see the organization as man-made, and not God-created, as I was born and raised to believe. Or brainwashed to believe.

  I continued on with my therapy after my divorce, and it took me another three or so years to leave the jws. It was very painful for me. Being born and raised into the organization, I was set up to fail when I left. The therapy helped me to replace the cult beliefs with healthy, functional ones. Without the therapy I would have failed, I would have ended up on skid row. Because the jws teach that if you leave Jehovah he will leave you. And Satan will take over your life. And he will destroy you.

  I have been disfellowshipped since 1999. I have been rebuilding my life since. I have moved to a new city, I am continuing my dance lessons. I love dancing. I have met many new friends. I have a new dance partner in Vancouver. We have fallen in love and are having a wonderful time together. I am working and looking after myself. I am continuing to take self-help courses and positive-thinking classes, to keep myself built up emotionally and mentally, so that the cult stuff becomes only a distant memory. My friends know about my past as a jw and are very supportive of me.

  I have tried to contact my kids, but they will have no part of me. They figure I am a traitor to god and to the religion. I don't even know where my son is living, he will not tell me.

  I am very grateful for my new friends and my new life.

  I am a very spiritual person, I continue to be in tune with my spirituality. I continue on with my spiritual practice, which is much more loving than the jws. I have learned to have more love and more compassion for people, even if they are different from me. I think I have been judged unfairly by the jws, however, now I thank them. The jws disfellowshipped me without even speaking with me. They held a kangaroo court without my attendance. I thought if I was not ready to "submit" to their rules how to live, I might as well do a "no show." I am thankful that they df'd me now, because leaving was the healthiest thing I did for myself. I was on my way out, before they disfellowshipped me. I just didn't know it. The things I was learning in therapy were healthy, and I was choosing health. The jw life is not healthy. It is a high control, fear-based religion, I have learned. My children must shun me, or they will get in trouble with the jws elders. It is a very sick religion.

  I hope you will think seriously before getting any more deeply involved with that religion.

  Take care of yourself, Scoobie!

  ESTEE
• 

  jgnat

  Scoobie, lady, I admire how you hold your own. I think you have caught the flavour of the board. Lots of opinions fly here! I agree that Southern Baptist is not for you. I have often wondered if it might be healthier for adult children to find their own church/denomination, rather than meekly follow in their parent's footsteps.

  It is an honourable thing to step back, review what we believe, and why. I believe those who do so are fully mature in their faith.

  You mentioned that you have studied the bible more than ever as a Southern Baptist. This we have in common. In order to defend my faith against the steady tide of literature that my JW husband brings home, I studied, and studied, and studied some more. I questioned all, researched all, on my own. Why DOES the church believe in the trinity? I am now much more firmly established in what I believe and why. I learned to put a critical eye on my own behavior, and I think this strict self-evaluation has made me a kinder, wiser Christian. I would be most flattered if you would check out this site and give your opinion.

  http://www.leaderu.com/common/sixenemies.html

  Shadow, thank you for addressing my post. So many times JW's ignore me completely. I notice you chose not to answer my few questions....ah well. I guess my curiosity on how JW's view this board will remain unsatisfied for now.
• 

  shadow

  jgnat:

  Is this what you are referring to?

  Shadow, I am wondering how the wide diversity of opinion and approach on this board comes across to you? I enjoy the diversity, but I wonder if someone used to the JW unity of style may perceive it as chaotic?

  I'm not real sure of what you are talking about here. The world is a chaotic place. The viewpoints we come across going door to door are chaotic. I have called on Catholics, Baptists, Lutherans, Mehodists, Seventh Day Adventists, Mormons, Amish, Hasidic Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Christian Scientists, Buddhists, atheists, agnostics, etc. etc.

  Do you think JW's live some kind of monastic life?
• 

  shadow

  scoobie:

  You said:

  While I have been studying with the JW's, I have learned so much. Aside from their beliefs. There are books of the bible that I never even knew existed because as a Southern Baptist, they never went to. If it doesn't support tithing, not drinking, not having sex, or the crusifiction and resurection, the Baptist don't preach it. I learned more about the bible and read the bible more in the last four months than I did for the 20 years I was in the Southern Baptist religion. And not once when I went to Kingdom Hall did I have a plate passed in front of me to give money and then be preached to guilt about not giving.

  It doesn't seem to me that you have been harmed by JW's. I must say that I am somewhat surprised that in spite of the fact that by your own admission you have learned so much in four months, you just want to drop it without even discussing some of the points you raised here with the people you were studying with. I heartily agree that you should ask hard questions of JW's or anybody else, including this site.

  Best wishes to you and your family.
• 

  bebu

  I don't think that scoobie has been 'harmed', either. This situation has likely just been a catalyst for determining on a deeper level what kinds of verification will be sufficient for her, has stirred her into thinking about religious issues. I wouldn't stop her from asking you or any other JW her hard questions, especially since she's learned that there is another perspective. I would not tell her to QUIT asking for and verifying information shared here. With information in both hands, she can make a much better-informed decision. And this is Biblical:

  PR 18:17

  The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.

  We need to know the other side to the story, and to ask questions. And we need to verify our information.

  Scoobie, there was a book mentioned on another thread that you may enjoy, having come from a very similar restrictive background as the author. It's called, "The Jesus I Never Knew", by Philip Yancey.

  bebu
• 

  joenobody

  Shadow, I don't mean to be demeaning, but are a woman? When you said you experienced no repercussions from the elders when sharing your private doctrinal concerns, I would tend to believe that you are less likely to determine any sanctions because of the fact that sisters aren't allowed to do very many "extras" in the congregation anyways.

  I would encourage people who think that the elders are rock-solid company men, to ask them the following questions:

  1 - Do you have retirement savings (401K/RRSP)?

  2 - Why do you save for retirement if the end of this system is right around the corner? Doesn't that show a lack of faith?

  3 - Why isn't all of the literature published on the Internet if it is indeed life-saving material? Why publish printed magazines and other literature if electronic distribution would be cheaper for NA and Europe that have pervasive Internet access for the common man?

  4 - If the publications are life-saving material passed down to God's Organization on earth from him, why would the WTS object to republication and vigourously defend their copyright?

  These are very, very simple questions that have nothing at all to do with doctrine, and yet paint a pretty telling picture of what is actually going on.
• 

  ESTEE

  Just an observation ... scoob ...

  After a relationship of a reasonably short duration, why is there so much guilt attached (already) when you are thinking you don't want to continue with the BS ... errr bible study? They already have a strong emotional hold on you? What is wrong with this picture?

  Imagine the guilt you would feel if you decide you want to get baptised, are in the borg for 10 years, then you want to leave ...?

  Food for thought ...

  ESTEE
• 

  shadow

  joe:

  No, I am not a woman. I do have responsibilities in the cong.
• 

  amac

  Until they find out you are on here...
• 

  scoobie

  Yes shadow, I have learned alot. And hopefully they won't want to entirely dis associate themselves with us and we can still ask them questions. It's not that I don't value what I have learned from them. I greatly appreciate the time and energy they have spent teaching us. And I would hope that I can still go to them and ask question and get their perspective on things. I haven't agreed with everything they have told me. But either I chose to move on from that topic or they moved me on from that topic. I wanted to get an idea and a picture of what the religion is based on and what they believe. To get hung up on the cross or stake issue and the like, just to me seemed to slow me down. But, there are other issues that I don't agree with. And the information that I have gained on the WTS and the inner workings of the organization leads me to my decision that I can't be a part of it. To continue to study with them and to continue to go to Kingdom Hall would be me supporting an organization that I don't agree with just by my presence there and my association with the organization as a whole. And I don't know why they would want me there anyway if I tell them I would never become baptized and I would never agree with disfellowship, 1914, 144,00, and their policies/methods of dealing with child abuse and molestation. I have a question...once a person becomes baptized, when do they learn about all the hidden little rules? Is it by trial and error? Or is there a list of offenses that you are given so you know what you are and are not allowed to do? Is a person who is going to get baptized informed of the two witness rule? The rule on rap? etc. etc. And if I were to ask the people I'm studying with about those rules, what will they tell me?