Were You Treated With Respect When Counseled By The Elders?

by minimus 49 Replies latest jw friends

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    I knew a certain few elders that really got off by "talking down" to the "flock".

    Min I'm curious about your thoughts as to why. I saw the same thing too, and I'm just wondering what they got out of it. Why did they get such a charge out of grinding people down, or humiliating or even just out and out lying/bullying?

    I just don't see the thrill in hurting someone else. Obviously there must be as it's done so often, and especially by this organization, but still I just wonder why.

  • findingme

    On my Judicial Commitee, it was the PO who really wanted to know the nitty-gritty details of my sex life and "what body part does he touch you?" and "did you like it?"...etc. I felt as if I had been raped after going through my JC. The other elders were obviously uncomfortable with the PO's questions toward me.

    Afterward, I told the person I was involved with what had happened at my "discipline meeting". He was really MAD; he wanted to kick their butts!

  • Evesapple


    very similar circumstances.....the elders got very personal...way too personal....asking questions that I felt were inappropriate...maybe they got off on it, who knows......it was wierd, from that moment on, I knew I would never go back......I'd have to go through another interrogation committee.....

  • finallyspringlol

    i heard wisperings of elders asking the nitty gritty details of a wrongdoing when it came to sexual matters...and i really could not believe that they would do that. until i heard of sister who committed immorality and left her husband...shocked the congregation big time. the thing is, she absolutely refused to tell the elders any details other than to admit she was immoral. she was disfellowshipped but reinstated, and i believe with her dignity intact. we were all proud of her. very strong sister.


  • cyber-sista

    The elders talked to me like a child--very kindly, but what they said was horrific and still causes me nightmares at times. They had very sick minds.

  • L_A_Big_Dawg

    In one word?

    HELL, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And I was the son of a very highly respected P.O.


  • czarofmischief

    Respectfully the first time.

    The second congregation treated me like... well, it was an excruciating expereince. My reinstatment appeal was disgustingly informal and insulting.


  • Undaunted Danny
    Undaunted Danny

    <Click my profile/bio it's all there.

  • Richie

    I remember one time when two elders wanted to speak with me at my home (almost like a non-official judicial committee meeting) after my first wife died. One of the elders called me if they could see me right that evening. I told him, sorry but I was doing things and it was impossible to have the meeting that evening. The elder insisted - I told him - please, you can't come over now - again he kept on insisting telling me that it was extremely important etc etc, so I finally told him it's okay. After they were over, the other elder blasted me by saying "how dare that I had the nerve to do this and that" - he was so belligerent, unloving and acted like a bully. At that moment I became angry, thought of throwing them out of my house, but I contained myself. They would have used that for my own detriment. They were trying to make me step down from being a ministerial servant at that time. They were rude, condescending, proud and unloving. It was like a bad dream - they never apologized for their behavior. I guess they were getting so used to that kind of behavior that they didn't see anything wrong with that anymore.

    Another time, when we had a ministerial servants meeting where the elders were also in attendance - The presiding bully overseer scolded me in front of everybody - and what did I do? I missed a few meetings and had to travel for my business. Also he said that I didn't invite enough speakers from other congregations for the sunday talk (I had that assignment) - you see during the summer months it is always harder to find speakers as a lot of them are on vacation. I felt so uncomfortable at that meeting - it reminded me of a business meeting rather than a spiritual one - They succeeded in taking away my responsibilities eventually and I decided afterwards to move to another congregation.

    Turns out later that this bully elder got disfellowshipped, as he was having an affair for the last 5 years with a wordly woman. A second elder also got d'fd as he too was fooling around with a sister in the same congregation....

    Richie :*)

  • ApagaLaLuz

    My meetings were for all things *gasp* apostacey

    Yes initially. I had grown up with them and had a good relationship with most of them. In the begining anyway. One Elder in particular grew very frustrated with me because he couldnt answer any of the questions that I brought up. Finally he says to me "you walk in here like you know everything and have the whole world just figured out. Well you're just a little girl sweetheart."

    He was right, I was little girl, but I was the most confused I'd ever been. They asked to meet again and I told them that I refused because of what he had said. I met with them again and they replaced him with an Elder whom I had such great respect for. I still do to this day actually. He was so kind to me. He was the only one who actually got me to lower my guard a bit.

    Then the PO hit on me in the parking lot afterwards.

    Now my sister on the other hand. The Elders who met with her were all dick-head assholes.

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