Sad News...

by Sentinel 108 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully

    ((((((((((( Sentinel )))))))))))))))

    I'm just reading your post for the first time. I am so sorry to hear about your mom.

    Love & Hugs, Scully

  • copsec


    Just found your post and read it. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Please, if there is anything at all I can do for you, PM me. Even if you just wanna talk, ok? Big Hugs to you!

  • Narkissos

    Heartfelt condolences (((((((((Karen))))))))

  • morty


    My deepest sympathy to you and your family...

  • Sentinel

    I am overwhelmed by such a generous response by everyone here. I read and re-read your condolences, take your hugs and it all helps me so much.

    Perhaps someone can give me a bit of advise on something. They will be having a memorial "talk" for my mom in her KH on July 3rd. My brother and his wife will attend. We three sisters who were being shunned will not be attending in person. He says that if I/we want to write something up, that he will give it to the Elder to read outloud during this "talk". My mind is ticking with this, as I would have to carefully express my personal feelings and loss as her daughter, without offending anyone there.

    Do you think the Elder would actually read everything that I write? Or would he edit it and leave out things he deemed inappropriate for his sheep to take into their minds?

    Today, we siblings worked together by email and phone as to the wording for the obituary. Thankfully, we are in agreement about everything. She did have a Will and my brother is executor. He still asks our opinion about everything.

    I notice that each day is different in the aftermath of the news. Today I woke up with a sore throat and just didn't do much of anything. I was more depressed today. Hubby took me out for lunch and then I went to bed and slept for three hours. Then I got up and he took me out for dinner. I can't seem to look at any pictures of her right now. She still feels so close...and her death seems like a bad dream.


  • gumby


    So sorry for your loss. Hugs.....


  • Vivamus

    You should write something if it makes you feel better Karen, and even if the elder decides to not read your words out aloud, you will still have written them and hopefully gave you some peace.

    Take care

  • Steve Lowry
    Steve Lowry


    I haven't lost my (JW) mother yet, but it won't be long now, as she's getting up there in years. When the day comes, I won't be giving an elder or any other JW any words to express over my mom. I don't recognize the Watchtower Society in any capacity so therefore anything they may decide to say over her are meaningless to me. And obviously I won't be attending Kingdom Hall services for her.

    You have to do what helps you through this difficult time. And if that is giving a JW something to read over your mother then you should do so. But if you are struggling with whether to do this or not, then I would then say, don?t. Your mom isn?t really there anyway. She is much more alive in YOUR hearts and minds (you and your siblings) than any JW who may happen to be physically closer to her body during a service. Hold your own services for her. If she?s looking over, I?m quite sure that it will be with you and your family wherever that may be, and not with those at the Kingdom Hall.

    May God bless and sustain you through this difficult time.


  • Sentinel

    This morning I finally called my mom's sister--they had made a home together for the past six months, having both lost their husbands. My aunt is also a very faithful JW. She has taken this loss very hard, so I gave her a couple days and then phoned her first thing this morning.

    She said she understood the great emotional burden that we children carried because of mom's strict and unrelenting attempt to follow rules and regulations of an organization as she saw it. She was very comforting but broke down completely, and I became the one comforting her as we both cried together.

    Mom has already been cremated. When the "talk" is given, she will have already been dead for sixteen days. She left her body when her soul departed and the shell that remained is now the dust of the earth. She is reunited with her soul and what was "her essence" while here becomes a part of the One again, as they travel where it is that soul's go after they vacate the host body. I do know my mother has a beautiful soul. Whatever she did or did not do in regard to her religion and her shunning of her own children, she did so because she believed that is what god was asking of her.

    The words that I would like to have read at the memorial would hopefully be a comfort to my brother and his wife, and to her sister, brother and friends there. Seeds can be planted in very tactful ways. I want so much to plant a seed in someone's heart through the words that I say. I realize that "they" all have a different belief system and I know what that is, but I still know that so many are full of pain and unhappiness deep inside. They need to know that being on the "outside" is not a death sentence, but instead a step to learning how to live a beautiful and fulfilled life as the creature we were meant to be. The creator knows the heart, and our soul is bound up in us, traveling with us, experiencing with us in our human form, and there to help us if and when we make the connection. You see, as my mother connected once again with her soul at her death, she instantly "knew". So, she understands all now, and all is well with her and with those she leaves behind. This gives me comfort. I hold no bitterness for the faith and belief system she lived. This was her journey that we lived with her. There is no organization to blame. Everyone chooses their own path. This is the path she chose to the end. This is where she opens the door, looks back and smiles, and passes through. The door is left open, but we must close it and let her go. We must find a way to live without her in physical form.

    Just some thoughts this day..

    Love, Karen

  • Mulan

    That is such sad news. I'm so sorry.

    I wouldn't have them read anything serious. Keep it light and full of memories. Those memorial talks are so negative, in my opinion, that I would try to counterract that mood.

    When my cousin died three years ago, one of the posters sent this to me. It made me smile because it reminded me of her so much. She was so serious and restrained, and when she left the JW's she finally started to thaw. I read it at her memorial. I hope it makes you smile too.

    "If I had my life to live over...
    I'd dare to make more mistakes next time...
    I'd relax. I would limber up.
    I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
    I would take fewer things seriously.
    I would take more chances.
    I would take more trips.
    I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
    I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
    I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

    If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter next time.
    If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.
    I would go to more dances.
    I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
    I would pick more daisies."

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