by New Castles 65 Replies latest jw experiences
I agree with cancelling the meeting. When I began to fade and sh*t started to hit the fan and the elders were "hearing" things about me -- they tried to call and email me in order to set up a meeting. I told them in an email that I was not able to meet due to my emotional/mental frame of mind. The one elder responded asking me to reconsider and I never replied.
Never heard from them again.
Purza
If you cancell the meeting, they may take this as you refusing to meet with them, hold the meeting in your absence, and df you. I would go to the meeting with them, co-operating with whatever they want, but take a tape recorder with you. They will not conduct a jc while they are being taped. The meeting will obviously end there, and then give them a nice legal letter informing you that you met with them as they asked, and if they take any actions as a result of that you will sue them personally for defamation of character, on the basis that they took action without verifying the facts(Refusing to talk to you at a jc when being tape recorded). They'll probably give a talk marking you for that, but any of your family who will shun you after that would probably shun you for simply not attending meetings anyway.
Gadget,
It was my understanding that they could not DF you if you don't meet with them. A long time ago they could use the "cancellation" as an admission of guilt and DF you -- but not any more. I could be wrong. . . but that is what I remember.
Purza
i agree with cancelling the meeting if your trying to fade away.
i've often wondered.. cant you tape the meeting with a small hidden recorder? how would they know if you dont tell them? even if the recording isnt usable in a court of law you still have them on tape.
Before you take any advice from here, think about the elders you're dealing with and what exactly they may have on you. When I "served" (kinda like prison time) as an elder, deciding to form a 3-man committee wasn't a light matter, not like doing a sheperding call. It would be followed up at all subsequent elders meetings. It wasn't something that simply faded away. It was one thing if we couldn't meet with the person because they moved away and we couldn't find them. It was something else if they kept on canceling. On more then one occasion we df'd someone after leaving them several v-mails and sending a letter to meet with the individual. On the other hand, if the elders in your congregation are more laided back, then your "blowing them off" method should work. Again, consider what they might have on you. If it's about doubts you've expressed, they'll probably let it slide. If it's some serious accusation (i.e. fornication, drinking, etc) they probably won't.
Just my 2 cents.
I thought I had it beat, but i was still intimidated.
This is not uncommon... I noticed that over time as I went through each confrontation it got easier. I'm now to the point where I corner THEM and make THEM uncomfortable.
You must KNOW that you are right when you speak to them? and speak with confidence. JWs recoil in fear when they see this.
Time and practice.
I have not read all of the responses, but have to agree with the majority on this... CANCEL the meeting.
Now comes the tricky part... how to do it.
If you phone him - and get his answering machine - this is perfectly acceptable. Leave a message cancelling.
IF he calls you back later... BEWARE!!!!! They are so full of it!!! They will have two people on the line to try to get your 'confession' over the phone.
Okay... maybe not a 'confession' perse... but you will be grilled over the phone by one elder - while the other one listens. You will NOT be told that the other fella is listening in, either!
The 'Two Witness Rule'.
You will be DFed by your conversation with this dufus - and his 'silent partner'.
Sooooo - if he calls you back - let YOUR answering machine pick up. (So far... they haven't been able to DF an answering machine...)
Regards,
Jim TX
Things may well depend upon the status of the congregation that you visited.
In my case there were a lot that coincidently drifted/left/disfellowshipped/dissasociated/faded, and of those that were left behind, a substantial amount of them were either born into it through generations and didn't have the guts/means or inclination to leave and there were also others that simply half-heartedly went with the flow, (i.e. needed constant reminders via special needs talks to make them answer up, go out on field service or simply attend meetings)! I'm sure my congregation wasn't specifically different to any other!
Therefore, in my case, when the elders came-a -knocking, I simply told them how it was for me, I didn't hold back or give them any bullshit and as a consequence, they were unable to pursuade me to return.
I can understand your fear, I have felt that before, yet with time I am sure that you will be able to focus upon what is right for you and not what is right for them, also, the advice that has been previously given here with regards to 'being out' or 'having something else to do' at the time of the arranged appointment with them is something to be worthy of consideration?
Whatever suits you is what you need to go with.
Take care,
Regards,
Bay64me
Hi NC,
Give them a call tell them you know exactly why they want to meet with you. Say that you appreciate their desire to encourage you back to regular meetings,service etc etc. BUT you are not ready to go back to those very things and that if you were to meet with them they may very well succeed in getting you back on schedule!
Tell them like it is. That JW life style is tough. Stressful and very demanding on all things selfish. Tell them when you are ready to go back perhaps when you retire that they will be the first to hear from you. Tell them how well you have it. No not that you love the wicked worldly things! (blink,blink) But that now you have more time for hard work and to play hard. To do the neccessary things in life, like house work , uninterrupted chores.Sleeping in on week-ends. Getting a hobby and working out at the gym on a regular basis.
Tell them that for the first time, in a long time it feels good to be you. YOU enjoy the personal space and time. Soon (WTS definition of soon)you may wish to return but for now it's feels good, very good. Maybe Jah is not happy with this temporary decision. But it's only temporary! Besides tell them they have done their job well to have warned you, however you are willing to assume running the risk of being killed in the Big A if it were to come anytime soon. They are free from blood guilt, you must tell them.
Each and every time you meet with witnesses. Tell them how good and well you are but thank them for their good thoughts and prayers.
Anyway it has worked for me,
Later Maritni
Call on Saturday morning and say one word to the elders...Diarrhea...nuff said, end of discussion.
