Well, ever think about leaving your mate for someone else ???

by run dont walk 107 Replies latest jw friends

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk
    Because you say stuff like this:
    one girl that i work with, we have been becoming close of late (nothing has happened !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), she is 10 years YOUNGER then me, and im thinking well, maybe its time for a change. As one guy at work said "its a no brainer", she is very attractive and very nice and personable, my wifes looks are fading, as are mine, so i thought, i seem to have more opportunites in my late thirties

    i don't think so, i cant even talk about work with her, she hates hearing about it,

    all i'm saying is, i am in a frustrated state right now, oppourtunities are there, apparently, and my eyes are wandering, i am human, i'm not proud of this, but im being honest, i can't tell you exactly why we've grown apart, maybe its a bunch of little things and not just one thing,

    i would never say anything like that to her, as im sure she would not to me.

    oppourtunities knock at the strangest times in life.

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk
    I am turning 40 in July. I understand the desire to be with someone much younger. Maybe it is mid-life. Scary admitting that mid-life applies to us isn't it?

    oh it is, very scary !!!!!

    I can't help but feel there is more to this than what you stated in your post. A little jealousy does not justify giving up on a relationship!

    oh there's lots of things, little things, i honestly cant think of a big reason as to why we have drifted apart, aside from maybe sex.

    its not so much the jealousy, its the attitude i get with it, and the miserableness.

  • avishai
    avishai

    RDW, I have HUGE respect for your honesty and courage. I'd probably never be able to post feelings like that. (((RDW)))

  • sandy
    sandy

    Ok Run don't Walk, you told us all the complaints against your wife. Now be fair and tell us what complaints your wife has against you.

    There are always two sides to a situation such as yours.

    15 years is something too special to throw away because you feel like boning a younger woman.

    Take a cold shower and do your best to make your marriage work.

  • Scully
    Scully

    rdw:

    i would never say anything like that to her,

    You don't actually have to say it. Your body language and other behaviour probably tells her what is on your mind without your needing to verbalize it. Less than 10% of face-to-face communication occurs with actual speech. Think about what kind of non-verbal messages you are sending to her.

    Love, Scully

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk
    If your wife is working day shift, maybe she feels like you are drifting apart as a couple because your schedules conflict.

    i have to agree, she has always complained about my work schedule, i do try to make time for us, but its never enough, but then again, she knew my type of work when we started out together. Hard to change jobs, when you're realy qualified in one area.

    If your wife is at home alone, perhaps she feels resentment that you are unavailable to her when most "normal" families are together.

    very much, but then again what is a "normal family"

    My woman's point of view: an affair isn't going to help matters, whether it is with another woman or with your job. And yes, people can and do get jealous of something seemingly innocuous like a job. If it's making you emotionally unavailable to your spouse, your spouse will pick up on it and feel neglected.

    No affair, but she has no solutions either, well reasonable ones.

    I can promise you that your wife would rather have more quality time with YOU than a big expensive house and a car.

    I agree, my point is that i have tried so much, and it doesn't seem to matter, i was using as examples, i have made time for her, we do have alot of fun, but when i have to go into a 5-8 day stretch, shes not supportive with me, more against me, then helping me.

    Love, Scully

    Love you too Scully, thanks

  • Abaddon
    Abaddon

    run, you ask;

    Why are women so jealous of other women and feel so threatened ???????

    Because men think like this?

    As one guy at work said "its a no brainer", she is very attractive and very nice and personable, my wifes looks are fading, as are mine, so i thought, i seem to have more opportunites in my late thirties, then i had during my teens and twenties put together, go figure, so guys there is always hope.

    Don't get me wrong. My 'position' is that we are primates, and behave like them. You are a male; just as a woman will find characteristic signs of 'fitness' in a male attractive, so to will a man, and men's criterum for fitness have a lot to do with young fresh bodies. If you're not happy at home, then your instincts will have little else to occupy themselves with.

    I got married to a woman 9 1/2 years older than me, that lasted 5 1/2 years, I then went to University, went out with women as much as 12 years-younger than me, and now live very very happily and hopefully permenantly with a woman 7 years younger than me.

    Bodywise I'd have to be lucky to be better off, as my girlfriend is a very youthful peachfuzzdreambox. But that doesn't mean that a fresh crop of University students doesn't make my mouth water. I'm programmed that way; I'm just sentient and choose to do nothing about it.

    But I'm happy in my relationship. And I also know that a younger woman would (sorry younger women for this generalisation) not be as much fun intellectually speaking. They will be, but maturity and depth don't come in bottles. They come in time. I also know that, having my fair share of bastardosity, I need to be with someone who is my match, not someone I can walk over, and in a relationship where one is unavoidably a peer one can often walk all over the younger partner if one so wishes (or if one doesn't have any self-control).

    Are you happy? Do you still love her? Does she know how you feel? Or have you avoided discusing it as she's suspicious already?

    Put the ball in her court. Ask her if she is happy. Ask her if she still loves you. See if there is anything there that can be resusitated without flushing away the years you were together. Talk to her about what you feel, about how sex isn;t what it was and how you'd hoped for more when you'd started seeing her and still hope your vision was true.

    As she is not being an utter bitch, but is merely (and with reason - you are thinking about it and women know guy's eyes are wandering often before they do... if you were still hot for her you'd get home sooner, after all) jealous and suspicious, you owe it to your own self to see if it can still work.

    If not, you will be like so many men who trade in fir 'this years model' when the car doesn't smell new anymore.

    If it ever was worth anything, it probably still is. If after you've tried you are both still unhappy (as she sounds as bored with the realstionship as you do), then bail-out with good conscience and honesty. If you're sure it's over there's no harm having fun, but don't lie about it.

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    You have to keep talking to one another.

    As often as possible as much as possible about everything.

    Englishman.

  • avishai
    avishai
    can't help but feel there is more to this than what you stated in your post. A little jealousy does not justify giving up on a relationship!

    No, but constant Jealousy does. It makes you feel like a cheat even when your not, makes you feel insecure, like your not good enough for the person you are with. Projection works, you start to feel the way they want you to, it sux.

  • myauntfanny
    myauntfanny
    Why are women so jealous of other women and feel so threatened ???????

    Women are like men, which is to say, they all have different reasons for what they do and how they feel. My theory about people (not just women) who get jealous when there REALLY is no grounds for jealousy is that they themselves are wanting to stray, and it makes them paranoid. However, in this case, you have said that in your eyes her looks are fading, and that is grounds for insecurity whether or not you tell her outright that you feel that way. I think people know these things without being told, because we can see that our mate is looking at us differently than they used to. It's sad, but it happens.

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