Newbies to screwbies, At what stag of recovery are you? (page 6)

jst2laws

gumby, You are right.

Actually it's not a complete lie
Many who have exited go off the deepend in life with no hopes or dreams

Some who exit leave very messed up. The WT wallops us in the head and as we reel and stumble they gawk at the staggering 'fools' who leave them. Depression, excessive drinking, drugs and even suicide is not beyond the side effects of leaving. I hope a discussion as this can help some either escape these consequences or at least recognize the cause of their desperation and cut it short. The sooner we can realize we only left a cult the sooner we can begin real recovery. Blondie I appreciated your prior comments. No rule says you have to answer my stupid questions. After all it's a discussion. I do like your thought

I have realized that spirituality begins with the individual not a group.

UndauntedDan LOL, yes you are a man on fire. Jst2laws

onacruse

La-bella:

I have to say I keep asking myself why I didn't see through it all much sooner.

That doesn't matter; it's past, over, finished.

When self-realization happens, it happens; and it happens to us all, eventually, whether we recognize it or not.

The challenge is to accept the realization, embrace it, and honor ourselves for what we are.

bem

Sometimes I think I stalled several times. regressed. but knew I never wanted to go back.Everytime my husband feels his control slipping he wants us to get back to meetings etc. There have been many beginnings to the end of jw life for me.

When I started the job I have now working with kids 6 to 18 years of age.High risk young'uns in need. I was tortured about leaving what I thought of as "truth". I ran into a lady from the cong. and she had heard where I was working.She asked me how could I stand to work with worldly kids.she seen it as such a waste of my time. I rarely lose my temper and not wanting to be kicked out of the post office for kicking someones rear! Had a hard time maintaining composure. I asked her exactly how we were suppose to love our enemies?I felt love and respect for those young people knew what some were enduring, a few other words exchanged, told her that my children had been treated better by "worldly" kids than by kids at the hall. Herself having five my kids ages.

Always looked for the love that was suppose to be in org.Gentleness, kindness. didn't find those either. I've always hated gossip by nature drains me. Exposed to lots of that,despite words to the contrary.

The afore mentioned things being the same ways I have felt.Looked for genuine love and friendship didn't find. depression.are the things that moved me to stop mourning my spiritual death so to speak.and realize I had a life to gain and live.

Exjdub, I always felt that I was never good enough. when I mentioned this to an eld. he told me I was spiritually weak.. boy that helped. NOT. Made me feel more inadequate.

jst2laws: loved that phrase...know I am still connected to something out there/in here. wow.

Heard a good one the other day about our inner child long story... But the jist of it was. Talking to your inner child? well tell it to GROW UP. simplistic?probably! but had a sudden impact in a good way for me.

Bikerchic thanks for your words

And as always Dan your to the point honesty made me smile.

Enjoyed reading this post lots thanks for all your words.((())) for all of us. (tried to post yesterday wouldn't send) but have kept up.Had to try again so important to me.

BEMsmom

FlyingHighNow

Hello FlyingHighNow
Love and giving back at least as much as you take from people and the world are what matters. Try to hurt as few people as you can. Live and love kindly and wisely.
Sounds more like the essence of the message of Jesus' than anything I learned from a religion.
Jst2laws

Yes, religion has done a very efficient job at distorting Jesus into a bloodthirsty, control freak god. It's sad. I doubt he likes what happens all over this earth in his name everyday and night. I do know some christians who are kind, non judgmental and would give you the shirt off their backs. Those didn't seem to miss the spirit of Jesus' counsel. I know people who aren't christian who are just as kind. It seems to me like the fundy part of any religon is the worst element, though there are exceptions.

Flyin'

Bubbamar

This is a great thread -- I love the variety of responses.

After being df'ed for 18 years I am only now in the angry stage. When I was given the boot I think I let the pendulum(sp?) swing in the opposite direction and dealt with my pain with alcohol, drugs and variety of painful choices. I thought I was having fun! That lasted for several years, then I really got into recovery and went to counseling and quit the alcohol and drugs. Dealing with my mom still being in was and is very hard. I think for a long time I was just struggling to live like a "normal" person. Like trying to remember birthdays and trying to figure out christmas and trying to go to college. None of that was easy for me because from the time I was born I was told it was evil and wrong. Even though I didn't believe it anymore - it was hard to learn new ways.

Then, out of the blue, I stumble upon all sorts of mind-blowing information on the internet and read Crisis of Conscious....and the anger stage is upon me!! I never thought that the JW's could be "proven" wrong. I thought the only way I'd ever know was if I died or if Armagedon came. Boy did I find out earlier than I thought!

I know this stage will pass too. I try to pray for my mom - that's all I can do. I am resisting the temptation to send her the Franz book. I know to her that would only mean that now her daughter is not only DF'ed, gay, alcoholic...but also APOSTATE! She could milk that for TONS of self pity at the meetings! Haha "Now my daughter's an apostate, poor me, poor me."

Talk about returning to vomit! ugh!

bem

Missed a couple things that are real important to my ending...

When my oldest son was Dfd. I was viewed as being weak. plus my husband criticized me for not "being able to teach the boy a lesson" because I could not,would not turn my back on him.I understood the reasoning such as it was to why.his actions could be percieved as "reproach" But I also knew his actions to be noble, I carried ,nurtured, cared for, and loved him. it didn't teach me any lessons either.Didn't intend to stop loving him.

The molestation,abuse cover-up. un-forgivable. final straw in a way that drove me to find answers or at least, honest thoughts.hense this site has been real helpful. People met here very helpful.

Thanks again.BEM

jst2laws

Dear BEMsmom, We have not corresponded before but I can tell we should have. But you have only been here about 6 weeks and I have been absent a lot.

Always looked for the love

What we had in the JW's was conditional, and typical of countless cults.

Exjdub, I always felt that I was never good enough. when I mentioned this to an eld. he told me I was spiritually weak.. boy that helped. NOT. Made me feel more inadequate.

Gawd, while at Bethel I went to a GB member to tell him I was suicidal, and perhaps I should leave bethel and regroup. He told me "we are at war with Satan. This is no time to whine about our wounds and retreat from the front lines." Yeah, that made me feel better, NOT. LOL.

jst2laws: loved that phrase...know I am still connected to something out there/in here. wow.

Yes, the connection is some kind of phenomena. I applaud anyone who finds that connection, whether it is through 'the lord Jesus', or through 'oneness with the universe'. I think it is the same connection by different channels, and having the allusive absolute Truth is irrelevant.

Heard a good one the other day about our inner child long story... But the jist of it was. Talking to your inner child? well tell it to GROW UP. simplistic?probably! but had a sudden impact in a good way for me.

Hehehe. But it is about stages. Learning to Listen to the inner child has helped countless people. Then later in the stages of growth a person could get stuck, just as in the process of leaving the WT. Big Tex might kick my inner child's butt, but I think you are right about eventually telling the inner child 'grow up'. But it is stages of the process. Good of you to share, Bem Jst2laws

jst2laws

Hello Bubbamar,

Then, out of the blue, I stumble upon all sorts of mind-blowing information on the internet and read Crisis of Conscious....and the anger stage is upon me!! I never thought that the JW's could be "proven" wrong. I thought the only way I'd ever know was if I died or if Armagedon came. Boy did I find out earlier than I thought!

That is so REAL. "I never thought that the JW's could be "proven wrong"'. I fear there of hundreds of thousands of exjws out there who still feel the way you did. How do we reach them? Yes, your stage of anger will pass. You are on the road to recovery, Bubbamar. Thanks for sharing. Jst2laws

new light

Happy but lost. I really have no opinion to speak of anymore on spiritual matters, except that I disagree with the JW definition of "spiritually strong".

exjdub

Bem:

Exjdub, I always felt that I was never good enough. when I mentioned this to an eld. he told me I was spiritually weak.. boy that helped. NOT. Made me feel more inadequate.

The feeling of never being good enough is a familiar feeling with the WTBTS. It was hard enough dealing with self-esteem issues without the added burden that the "Spiritually Strong" foisted upon the "People of the Dirt" (I believe it was Am-ha-a-rets according to the Watchtower...damn, where is Blondie when you need her?). Funny thing is: In the WTBS spiritually strong = elder, ms, pioneer. The real definition is: Those strong enough to tear away from an abusive religion that feeds upon the flesh of it's own.

he told me I was spiritually weak..

Unfortunately, this is a familiar refrain from elders as well as other "holier than thou" "Brothers" and "Sisters". Ahhh...the sweet feeling of love. It's like any other bully, they tear down others to fill the empty void that they feel. Not pretty.

Newbies to screwbies, At what stag of recovery are you?

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