by Puternut 33 Replies latest jw friends
Things change. You never know what the future holds.
I was a kid who said goodby to my dad when he left 'the truth' but I grew up, found out what the real truth was and we're now back in contact.
My life ... and how JWD came to be - Part 1
My life ... and how JWD came to be - Part 2
My life ... and how JWD came to be - Part 3
My life ... and how JWD came to be - Part 4
DONT GIVE UP !
(((((((Puter)))))))
I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone, it breaks my heart when I hear of the evil that sucky religion does to families. I can't help but think your girls are missing you too because you sound like a great dad.
Have you figured out anyway you can communicate with them? Send them letters, cards, leave messages on the answering machine or talk to them on the phone? At least call even if their mom won't let them talk to you........they will know you've tried to keep in contact.
I hope being here and seeing that we all care is some kind of comfort. Please take care of yourself, call that cool dude blueyes and go out, do something! And then again, indulge yourself and have a good cry I really think it helps clean out the pipes.
Take care and hugs!
Kate
Puternut: I've mentioned this before but these posts are always the hardest. Like everyone else, I couldn't ignore responding. I can't imagine what you're feeling. If your wife is keeping your children away from you then she may at some point live to regret that decision. Kids grow up. Even though my husband are separated, neither one of us would ever bad mouth the other. They came from both of us and to criticize each other would only hurt them.
I have to force myself to forget about them, so I don't hurt.
I have to believe that you don't really mean this, that you're saying this because you are hurting so much. Please don't give up trying to have some relationship with your kids. Someday, I'm sure of it, they will appreciate that you tried to remain in their lives. Please take care.
Puternut,
I am so sorry about what your going through. If there is anything at all I can do to help let me know. And keep trying to stay in touch with your kids or if that is not possible, keep a daily journal of your thoughts of them. That way, when they come looking for you someday (and they WILL) they will see that you never forgot them and that you love them VERY much!
Puternut:
I can understand the pain you are feeling. Just because they walk away, doesn't mean they aren't feeling turmoil themselves. You are their father. The anger comes from things not being the way they were and the confusion they feel right now. They are conflicted and the anger is defensive.
I know this is a lot to take in. Yes, I know you are on the outside looking in. But, do not give up all hope of being a family again. It will take time for them to sort through this. You have a cult messing with their minds and free thinking. Right now, they are being fed that you are the enemy. Being forced to choose sides.
Fight for them, even if it is just visitation rights, going to counseling (even if it is court mandated), each opportunity to open that chink in the mindset chain do so. Your children are smart don't think they aren't thinking on this. Just keep the lines of communication open. Let them know your love is unconditional. Because once they come out of this conditioned love they are going to need it. It will show the difference between what they are used to and what they should have. You may not be able to change the past, but you have control over the future and what you do. Keep writing, calling, and letting them know just how important they are to you. If you don't think it will change anything, you are so wrong. Just ask Maybesbabies, just how important it is to keep that door open and have that unconditional love. With out it, we would not have reconnected as sisters.
X.
Puter.. I know how it feels.. I haven't seen my boys in 4 yrs.. the most current photo I have of my oldest is 7 yrs ago and the next 6 yrs ago.. they don't even look like the pictures I have
I've spent many many nights in tears lonely for them..
I can't necessarily tell you how.. but you will get through this.. somehow we find the strength in ourself that we didn't even know we had..
and Puter.. you have family.. us
Sorry, I had to respond too. I know we are all floating out here in cyber-space, but we are here connecting with your feelings right now. It is unfair--that is all I can say. Please remember that your daughters may need you one day and you have to be there for them when they do. Until then we all have to mend ourselves the best we can. Take care of yourself.
Love,
cybs
There is hope, puter. I don't know where yet either but there must be hope.
Haven't ever responded to you before but my heart goes out to you ... I hope you get over your pain and find peace as you move on... but I agree with Simon - you never know what the future holds - may they snap out of it and enjoy your company once more...
Cheers
FM
I haven't seen or talked to them in a very long time. I won't be able to kiss their sweet faces, or hold them close to me, so I can tell them I love them. No video games, or staying up late carousing, or watching scary movies. No laughter, kidding around, or spend an evening going for a drive to the ice cream store.....
Yes, Puternut, I remember those days when I was freshly DF'd and my wife used the "Truth" as leverage over me and the kids as leverage over me coming back. It is a sad and sick game and the ones that lose the most are the children. I cried and cried also. I sympathize with you and have great empathy. Your ex will undoubtedly tell them lies and half-truths about you to get them to hate you as she must. Be strong and stand up for what you know is the truth. They will see it one day too.
My kids grew, I stayed available to them at all times. I awakened one day to empower my self and exert some kind of influence over them and I took on the whole arrangement of things to do it. While my ex did everything she could think of to alienate me from my kids, it eventually backfired and my kids never doubted that I loved them and when they grew older they realized that they needed me. I went to court to ensure I had access to them, and you my friend, should do the same. Never give up or let them even think you have given up. They will grow and realize one day that they need you too. Just as I told the PO in my ex's congregation, "those are MY kids, and you had better stay the hell away from them. You will NOT counsel them, reprove or admonish them unless I am there. You will never take them into the back room of the kingdom hall for any meeting unless you notify me ahead of time and inform me of your intent, and offer an invitation for me to be present during such a meeting. God has given those children to me to teach and counsel, and although disfellowshipped, I have not relinquished my responsibility to you or the body of elders whatsoever . . . "
Loving Regards,
Corvin & his merry band of apostate children
