Is it harder for ladies to apologize?

by onintwo 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • Maverick

    Boy! The political correctness there is pathetic!

    I stand by what I said and make no apologies for it! Maverick

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    Valis and itz2cool, don't take anything personal that I said....yall try to remember I'm dealin' with ol' Crabby Pants and other "red necks" down here...

    Maverick, you're a "Mensch", fella!

    Frannie B

  • Special K
    Special K

    I only apologize when I truly sincerely believe that I was at fault or in the wrong.

    I make sure that the person I've wronged truly knows that I am sincerely sorrow... and that it was ME.. and not them.. especially when dealing with my kids.


    Special K

  • freelife

    Anymore i think that im always wrong!!!!!!!

  • Aztec
    Boy! The political correctness there is pathetic!

    Care to explain Mav?


  • Maverick

    Hit a nerve..did I?

    It was a play on words...obviously lost on the majority.

    When people argue they are hardly reasonable and calm. Most of the answers were nice and reasonable...and full of crap! When our emotions come out to play, often they play by rules more complex than the US tax code. You don't really "know" someone until you have a spat with them. Then you get to the core of their personality. So claim what you will, I don't buy it! And women do have a totally different set of rules than men in love and war. And I tread lightly when engaged in either with them. The only ace I hold is being willing to "walk away" and I don't care how tight I am with any woman, I will walk away if she goes over the top and pushes too far. I will gladly give her a way out, by way of an apology and peace offering, but if she refuses to option out and pushes it, I'm gone and she history! And they have to know you mean it and are not coming back! Maverick

  • FlyingHighNow
    So claim what you will, I don't buy it! And women do have a totally different set of rules than men in love and war. And I tread lightly when engaged in either with them.

    Wow, Mav, until now I thought you were very intelligent and not the type to let your emotions get the better of you. This sounds like bitterness speaking. I know that once you find a good relationship with the opposite sex you will realize that communication is not a gender problem. But then if the communication problem lies with you, you will never see it until life teaches you that you are the one with the problem. Bitterness is never going to help you get along with anyone. As long as you see women operating with a "different set of rules" you are always going to blame them when things go awry.

    With my ex, I used to think men and women just couldn't communicate. I didn't blame him all the time nor did I blame me all of the time when we didn't get along. Now that I am in a good, stable relationship I see that men and women can easily get along, especially when you drop the headship crap out of the equation.

    When you have two adults who respect each other as adult human beings then you will have two adults who get along. It won't matter what gender these two are. Maybe you get along with men, Mav. And this might have to do with how you perceive men. Maybe sometimes you meet men you don't get along with. Then what or who do you blame?


  • Maverick

    Heather, did you read this as bitter? And what blame? I don't get into blame. I get into solutions. I'm a firm believer in Steven Covey's, "Win, Win or no deal!" In most cases I am the author of my own tribulation. I look long and hard at what I did in the situation. And in most cases I share at least half the blame. But I bottom line things with other people, men and women. Forget what they what they do! We all have buttons that can be pushed, and they are never reasonable, they are twists in our personalities. They help make us who we are. Men and women are different...I love the difference! But I will not subscribe to the BS that they act the same and apply the same rules in life. This is what women would love us guys to buy, it puts us, as men, at a major disadvantage. I say there is nothing wrong with the different way we handle things but don't try to tell me the difference does not exist! Maverick

  • pettygrudger

    Dear Lord - I can't believe that I'm actually going to agree w/Maverick Who'dda thunk it?

    Maverick, as for a "generality" I believe you make a good point. Men & women do have a total different set of rules when it comes to love & war - and how they engage in both accordingly. I also agree that your best judge of someone's character is how they behave when you are having a disagreement with them.

    Men are generally problem "solvers" - "tell me what the beef is & let's solve it". Women tend to get into the emotional psychological issues which cause any given argument - and dwell on the "feelings" until their own emotional needs are met. Women also have more of a tendancy to want to play the "blame game" instead of working towards resolution. Men just want it fixed. GENERALLY.

    Men & women are just different - and I believe society is taking this whole "feminism" thing way too far - our girls have been brought up to believe for a couple of generations now that there should be absolutely no difference between men & women. Obviously for a just cause - equal "rights" for women. The problem is that most women have bought into it - and they no longer know how a man truly thinks & feels, because they assume the men are just like themselves.

    I think women that have the happiest marriages are the ones that understand the differences, and love their partner more for them.

  • maxwell

    I've found that people who apologize for everything tend to bother me more. Some people will apologize for everything that doesn't please the person they are with whether they are responsible for it or not.

    Person 1: Oh look, it's raining today. I prefer sunshine.

    Apologizer: Oh I'm sorry about that. I should have picked a sunny day.

    I try not to let things bother me, but constant apologies for things out of your control would irk me more than no apology at all for a real wrong. And someone mentioned that some people will do something bad, apologize and then repeat the cycle on the same mistake many times over. That's another situation in which the apology is worthless to me. If someone is really doing something that causes me harm, I don't need an apology, I just need them to stop it. If I point out to a person that they are hurting me with some action, all I need is a stop action. I don't need an apology or any other verbal response.

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