Is it harder for ladies to apologize?

by onintwo 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • onintwo

    Yesterday I had a little spat with my wife. It's all cleared up today. She's a wonderful gal and we love each other very much.

    But one thing kinda bugs me. In both of my marriages, I've noticed my wife has always been reticent to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong". Even when the little argument is long over and things are back to normal. Is it just the two ladies I happened to marry?

    Or are ladies in general just a tiny bit less apt to apologize? I know that it's relatively easy for me to apologize. Does it have something to do with ones self-esteem? LIke maybe they think there "stock" will go down if they do?

    Don't want to rile any of the ladies up, but what do you girls think? Be objective.


  • Vivamus

    Well, I am quite easy when it comes to apologizing, when I was wrong, raised my voice, was mean or anything, I'll say *i'm sorry*. But then, I bloody hate fighting, so maybe that's why I do it....


    Blue Bubblegum Girl

  • blondie

    I find not apologizing often a function of who has the authority or the perceived authority rather than gender. Those with authority (or think they do) feel if they apologize, they will not have the same respect or obedience from those they wield authority over.


  • pudd

    your asumption is that your wife was in the wrong and needs to apologize! what if she still feels she was in the right?

  • blondie

    good point, pudd.

  • Sassy

    I agree with Pudds comment too..

    I also think it is personalities. I tend to apologize even when I shouldn't. Even if I might think I was in the right, I might also want very much for things to be fixed and so might take the blame just to smooth the moment.. I hate when feelings are hurt or angry..

    My two exhusbands never apologized for anything. Surely not the African who was so proud that I swear he'd kill himself before he would have said he was sorry for anything he did to me.. but he is a bad example because he never loved me any way... My first husband though would have thought it a weakness or failing to apologise. He was a controlling person so it went with his personality.. The man I am with now is loving and kind and when he was out of line recently apologized.. granted I am still hurting any way over it.. and he isn't apologising over and over (obviously there is no need for that)..

  • Maverick

    onintwo..wants to "stir the pot" a little.

    In my experience as a man you should never try to win an argument with your lady love. I was married for 15 years and did not see this truth. I won all the arguments and she took half of my accumulated wealth... seven figures for my being so right all the time. So she won the war.

    Make your point and if the issue is minor... and 99% of the time they are...give it a little time, and then come around. If it is major...don't argue just walk. They need to know that you will walk if they get too stupid. can't win an argument with the woman you are with. You should not even try. They will not let you win in the end. They don't play by the same rules a fellow man does. You are out classed when it comes to anticipating her logic. Be a man and take the hit and move on. There will be no shame in this. But there will be loving! Maverick

  • peacebaby

    I agree with the concensus - it's the individual, not the gender. Sassy's experiences parallel my own. I was the peace-maker, hating dissention, often taking the blame just to stop the chaos. That just set me up for more bullying, resentment; we became enemies... but I learned... Present husband and I are much more compatible, we started out as good friends. No fights, no grudges, 'I'm sorry's where and when needed, "I love you"s all the time. He's a keeper!

    Sometimes an apology goes unspoken because one thinks it's 'understood'. But it's a feeling of - acceptance... mutual trust... unity? - to have someone say, and mean, "I'm sorry, too." Next time, maybe ask, "Well, aren't you sorry, too?" To which she'll likely reply, " Of course - I thought you knew that!" Of course, you probably do know it, but it's so good to hear it outloud!

    On the lighter side - she could use one of my popular lines when my hubby says, "S-ooo-rr-y." I tell him, "I'm sorry you're wrong, too, darlin'!" Peace, P-Baby

  • Brummie

    My wife will say sorry, usually within the hour or sometimes within the week and occasionally on a luner month or a leap year.

    But, *I* am the one that gets kinda stubborn lately (not that anyone would recognise it of course>>winks<<<). Plus I always feel real bad if my wife apologies then I feel sorry for her that she felt the need to apologise and I end up saying "no it wasnt your fault it was mine", but thats probably because it was my fault.

  • Sneaky Russian
    Sneaky Russian

    Why would they have to?

    Women are always right

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