Is it harder for ladies to apologize?

by onintwo 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • worldlygirl

    My ex sometimes apologized, but even the way he did that pissed me off...

    He would always say, "I'm sorry you got upset" or "I'm sorry you misunderstood me" or something like that. Never apologized for his OWN actions, just for my reaction.

  • Xena

    I don't usually have a problem apologizing when I'm wrong....of course I am rarely wrong

    My ex-husband wasn't big on apologizing, I believe I actually taped the last time he apologized so I could play it over at a later just sounded soooo nice, you know?

  • Brummie
    Why would they have to?

    Women are always right


  • FlyingHighNow

    Early in my marriage to my second husband, a JW, I would apologize to him. He told me in no uncertain terms that he was not going to accept any apologies. Why? Because I was going to keep making mistakes or sins against him and so unless I was NEVER going to make the same mistakes again I was not to apologize.He decided that because I was imperfect that all of my apologies were insincere.

    Did he ever apologize to me? Maybe once or twice in 20 years of marriage. To this day, no matter what he did or does, he is 200% right about everything with everyone, including his workmates. He is alone and miserable because he chooses not to communicate with anyone, either sex. Our daugher will not even speak to him.

    Inability to apologize is not a gender thing. It's a matter of pride and of perception. Sometimes people aren't wrong or they don't think they're wrong so they don't apologize.

    Most of the time we should all graciously accept apologies. We should also resist the urge to say, "I told you so." I try never to say "I told you so." Why, because I don't like it when people do it to me. If someone has "told me so" then I generally know that already and don't need to be reminded.

    When men can't get along with men, they usually don't say, "Men, you can't communicate with them." When women don't get along with women, they don't usually say, "Women, you can't communicate with them." Problems with communicating are not a gender issue. Problems with communicating are a human issue.

    I get along great with my S.O. He has taught that me that men and women can easily communicate. If a couple is having communication problems it has nothing to do with gender. When you blame miscommunication on gender you are doing yourself a diservice.


  • shera

    I have no problem apoligizing.It doesn't even matter who is wrong or right,when it comes myself saying sorry.

    My man has a hard time with it,but he can say it,lol.Sometimes,words donot need to be used,actions can say alot too.Many type of actions,really.

  • stillajwexelder

    It is NOT about gender -- it is about personalities- many men are much less humble than women and find it much more difficult to appologize - I do not want to stereotype - -it is definitley not about gender but I would say that men find it harder to apologize than women

  • WildHorses

    I find it easy to apologize. I'll even apologize when I feel i'm right

  • fader

    I think, like others here, that it depends on the individual. I apologize more often than my husband, even when I feel I was right. I dislike the tension our arguments create, and I can get mean during arguments sometimes.

    Rich has a hard time apologizing, but I don't have to hear I'm sorry to realize he feels it. He generally does something kind, like take the kids and give me a break, or make me tea or something kind. His actions tell me he's sorry.

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    I'm very open to making apologies when I feel that I was way out of line, which is pretty often... hehheh. Unfortunately, I have to say my husband is a saint because he does put up with a bunch of crap and still loves me unconditionally. I'm getting much better, though: at being a better person *and* apologizing.

    He's had to deal with alot over 13 years, and I am very grateful to him for sticking around. Children of abuse dealing with their issues are never very easy for a person that hasn't been in that place before. He's done an admirable job of it, though, and I burst with pride and respect every time I think about him! Because it's taken so long to trust him, I've been lax in apologizing to him, even at the expense of losing the relationship. But he's stuck it out and I've become more safe and secure with being vulnerable. Now *him* saying sorry, that's a rarity! He just sort of says it, and I understand, in the way that he just goes back to his normal self and treats me extra-special.. hehhe. But he's never done anything really outrageous, so it's usually not anything serious. He's just a normal, quiet, steady person married to a psychotic nut. Heh.


  • Sara Annie
    Sara Annie

    I wouldn't say it's harder for them to apologize, per se. I would say that, in my experience, the timeline for anger and apology differs greatly between the sexes.

    My husband can be furious about something, say his piece and/or apologize and in the very next second have simply let it go and be ready to move on as though the disagreement never happened. I can't do that like he can. I find that once my emotions are riled up, it takes me a longer period of time to work them down to a simmer, and a bit of time after that to let them cool to the point where I can move on.

    I am a firm believer in the power of the apology, and I will not hesitate to apologize for my behavior or actions when necessary--but I also know that anger is a process that we each work through in our own way, and that allowances need to be made for that.

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