Saddest thing about being DFd

by kairos 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • ToesUp

    It's truly amazing how quickly these ones will turn on you. It's an eye opener for sure.

    We have been shown kindness from neighbors, non JW friends and business aquaintances. We will give these people kindness in return. They are the ones who are doing the acts of kindness unconditionally.

    If you don't want to be in the good ole boys club anymore, you're gonna have to pay. What ever happened to winning a mate (this could apply to anyone) over without a word. In other words, be loving (take the high road). Be kind, it may bring this "weak one" back to Jah. Bottom line...this is a cruel cult with zero holy spirit.

  • ThinkerBelle
    The saddest thing about DF, at least for me when it happened, is the guilt you feel because you invariably "lost" those friendships. It shouldn't be that way as most who come back in do it because of shame and not because you're sorry for what you did, at least many I know felt that way. I hate that "arrangement"!!
  • Londo111
    I agree. Likely, if they asked me, if it were in my power, I would help them. Of course, they won't ask.
  • DesirousOfChange
    You miss the brotherhood. Nothing wrong with that.

    While many on this board have very real horror stories about the people and elders they had to deal with, many of us actually enjoyed the people in our congregations and have nothing but fond memories in that regard.

    Yes, that's very true in our situation as well.

    The social network of JWs is typically made up of sincere, good-hearted people who really desire to be good friends and to assist others (JWs) in need. Of course there are some azzholes mixed in just as there are in any group of people.

    The problem with so many elders is that many are alpha males (esp the shakers & movers - prominent elders), but they lack the qualifications to excess anywhere else. Plus, most believe they are "working for God" in the assignment. That's what they are told over and over. Thus they do exactly what Paul warned about -- they "lord it over" the lowly ones.


  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim
    A huge lot of the JW's will main ''loyal'' to the Borg, no matter what. No matter what help someone, who is df'd/da'd, can help a JW whether it be monetary or just even help moving, or shelter the JW will remain loyal at all cost and refuse ANY HELP whatsoever from a df'd/da'd person at all costs. Yes, it is sad!!
  • kairos

    I sure do enjoy all the replies. It burns me up that these ones forget all the nice things we do and cast you out at just a whiff of "sin".

    Check out this car:

    I personally restored this myself for my wife. We eventually got something else.

    There is an elder in my old hall ( Oak Knoll in Napa ) that fell into hard times.
    He was a builder that I used to contract with in construction. He went from expensive cars, house, etc to living in a motorhome with his wife in his parent's barn. Sad situation and I could have been there myself if I had bought a home when all my friends were trying to convince me...

    Anyway, I GAVE that BMW to that couple when they had no car. No strings attached.
    The deal was, they could use it indefinitely, just not sell it. When they were done, It was returned to me.

    He was one of the elders on the phone on conference call before I received my "invitation" to receive loving counsel. Very ironic as the elderz last name is Council...

    I don't regret being kind. Not ever. It just stings when this is the thanks you get.

    Gallery of the BMW restoration for any motor heads out there ( like me ).
    PM me for the link.

  • flipper

    KAIROS- I totally empathize. I can think of only one or at the most two people who were JW's that I'd consider were " close " friends that I miss - however in talking with them after I stopped attending meetings I found the friendships were totally conditional in that they judged me as " unfit " association once I shared my doubts about the organization.

    Bottom line is I've made some REALLY great friendships with not only folks on this board but other non-JW's who accept me and understand me for the free thinking person that I am - not the mentally constipated cult member I once was.

    It reminds me of the lyrics in a Pink Floyd song off the " Division Bell " album which goes , " So I offer my hand to my enemy and I say ' can we wipe the slate clean ' but they tell me to please go fuck myself - you know you just can't win . "

    Personally I decided not to waste any more time on people who won't accept me for who I am. I'm avoiding all psychological vampires now. Decided to hang with only true friends. I feel so much better with the positivity - avoiding the negativity. Hang in there bud let's talk soon

  • 3rdgen

    Wow, Kairos,

    I got your "inside joke". Is the "loving" elder and wife still driving the BMW? They both have sizable JW families but you came through for them even more than than a literal brother. I think it is also interesting to note that the barn and motor home being used by said loving elder is being provided by a man who is not and never has been a JW. (JW mom)

    Never change your giving nature-it's who you are. The so called friends who have abandoned you are the ones who have lost the most. Besides, you have made some great new ex-JW friends right?

  • kairos

    Thanks Flipper and 3rdgen.

    I really look forward to the next time we can visit.

    The BMW came and I passed it along to someone else that could really use it for $1k.

  • millie210

    Kairos, the fact that you even think the way you do shows what a quality person you are.

    Oh and by the way, I enjoyed seeing your post on the music/art thread too!

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