The Drive Home Tonight,Crying. (page 2)

bebu

(((((((Blueblades)))))))

If life is only 70 years long (give or take about 20 years), then there isn't much one can do except try to be content and not let the rest of your time be spoiled by bitterness and grief. Enjoy the loves of your life, as we all should.

But, if life for us is eternal, then our trials and sorrows also create the chance for eternal greatness of soul. The deep characteristics of caring, forgiveness, humility, patience, and so on, comes at a very high cost. (This thought makes me tremble a bit.) It sounds like these have been developing in your family from your post.

Personally, I believe nothing shall be wasted: not our sorrows, nor even our sins. In God's hands, it shall all be redeemed, it will all work for the good of those who love Him. It will be well for eternity. This is always my biggest comfort; I hope you can find a mustard seed of faith for that comfort, too.

bebu

Sassy

Blueblades I too was touched by your words as the others.. so many of us made choices for our families based on what we thought was saving their lives. We certainly didn't think we were shortchanging them. Unfortunately we can't change the past even though now we have been enlightened..

I literally lost my children because of remaining faithful to being a JW. First we went through all that you describe and then in 93 my ex had a mid life crisus of such.. and his actions brought about our divorce. I had no idea that when we split he would leave being a JW.. so what did I do??? I set the example and remained one to show my children how important it was serving Jehovah.. what did they do? they chose to live with dad so they could escape this JW life.. and it broke my heart but I stood my ground because after all their lives were at stake.. I lost my children with that choice.......only now in recent months and with my exiting JW land have I begun to get them back.. so not only did I deprive them of all the things you expressed..........but for nearly 10 yrs they were deprived of a mom in their life at all.. how do we fix that? how many tears can we shed.. not enough.. all we can do is appreciate what time we have left..

Singing Man

Everyone has mixed feeling about those years when our kids are young and we see them growing up, I know I do. Those formative years are ment to teach our kids spiritual values because they take it with them just like the bible says " even when they grow old, a son or a daughter will not turn aside from it" the sayings from Jehovah's mouth (basic thoughts as outlined in the bible not from the witness's per say.)

Tatiana

oh, blueblades.....you are wonderful!!!! Just the knowledge your kids have of your regret is truly wonderful. What I would give to hear my mother say these things. I would break down and cry like a baby. It would make up for so much.

Alas...I don't expect that will ever happen. Your children are so lucky to have you.

April

Don Smith

How heart warming and encouraging that we can now cry without bitterness or rancor and thats a good thing because its all part and parcel of an arrangement by our Father who is in Heaven in drawing us out " No one comes to Son unless the Father draws them" and its referred to as rebirth .

John the Baptist at Mat.3:11 "the one coming after me will baptize with holy spirit and fire and we all have to go thru the fire , to show the metal in us because fire refines and makes us more precious in Gods eyes , but if we are straw people we are burnt up.

That is why forums are so helpful when one of us cry we all feel the pain ,been there and are touched by your tears. But Jesus our Brother also wept and felt the pain on our behalf , and said to us cheer up I have conquered the world and as we work in the yoke with him ,and learn from him and should we falter puts his shoulder to the yoke and helps us thru the tears to find the refreshment for our souls as he promised.

As we plow thru life He tells try and not look back as the best is ahead of us and the prize is Life Eternal . Lots of Love Don

Purple

Gosh blueblades what a ride home that was! All this and driving too?? How did you do that? I have regrets too about missed out family for the troof. Only I can never make it up with my mum she passed away whilst I was pioneering in the troof and I was too busy to spend time with her apart from a few occassions. She died not knowing how I really felt about her. All I can say is that every day is an opporutnity so make the most of it.

You cant change the past ever, unless you are the Borg then you can simply rewrite it! Regrets only distract us so look forward to now and each and every moment you have to spend with your family and look forward. At least you were still a family and together, despite all the distractions and there would of been some good moments you shared because of being a family in the troof. Maybe think about the good times more than the bad????

RAYZORBLADE

(((Blueblades & family))) - Wow, so many emotions, accompanied by so many memories and recollecting our pasts as active JWs.

I'm pleased that your family totally understands and love you.

But I do know what you mean about 'forgiving oneself'. Everyone around you can be fine, maybe not even upset with you in the first place, but forgive you. But that what comes from within, can be the most difficult to retrieve.

I do believe Blueblades: it'll be coming. It will take a bit of time, but I'm sure it'll be forthcoming.

This was an incredible post.

This has been a supremely emotional morning for me.

Best wishes to all.

Respectfully yours,
Rayzorblade

Brummie

Gee that had a lump in my throat too :(

You are going through the natural grieving procedure Blue, this usually happens when we guys stop focusing on whats happening on the outside of us and start reflecting on the internal feelings (we were not taught how to do this as JWs), we seldom do it but its a necessary procedure if we are ever going to heal.

Brummie

wednesday

BB,

I'm 50 and raised my kids like u did. They resented it and left the org long ago. Now i have left too, and my kids and i have been able to talk about it. It is so hard for me to believe i would have actaully let oneof my precious babies die in the name of religion. But we are all on the same page now, and i'm grateful they have forgiven me. They too are parents now, and it isn't easy. My life is not over, i plan on having some happy memories.

Aztec

a parent who has no regrets, has not been paying attention

I thought I should just reitterate what Jgnat said. All parents have regrets. That is normal and not solely the feeling of people who have raised their children in the dubs. Your children did miss out on some things but, they learned a lot of things that others missed out on. I don't hate my parents or even resent them for bringing me up in the dubs. They were doing what they thought was right. I can't be angry with them for that. All parents can do is their best. It's good to let it out and vent but you shouldn't need to forgive yourself; you did nothing wrong.

Take care Blueblades!

~Aztec

The Drive Home Tonight,Crying.

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