The Drive Home Tonight,Crying.

by Blueblades 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Aztec

  a parent who has no regrets, has not been paying attention

  I thought I should just reitterate what Jgnat said. All parents have regrets. That is normal and not solely the feeling of people who have raised their children in the dubs. Your children did miss out on some things but, they learned a lot of things that others missed out on. I don't hate my parents or even resent them for bringing me up in the dubs. They were doing what they thought was right. I can't be angry with them for that. All parents can do is their best. It's good to let it out and vent but you shouldn't need to forgive yourself; you did nothing wrong.

  Take care Blueblades!

  ~Aztec
• 

  little witch

  Dearest Blueblades,

  Thankyou for sharing your thoughts.

  You need not feel these guilt feelings! You sound like you did the best you could for the benifit of your children! Believe me they know that.

  You did the best you could at the time. You show yourself as a caring father, concerned with the well-being of your family. That is a GOOD thing, not wrong! The fact that you were mistaken does not mean you were bad in any way!

  My parents were abusive, mean, cold, and rigid. My father died unable to utter the words "I love you".....shite.....now I am crying......

  You are not like that. You are open to admit mistakes, and able to change. Children (even grown ones) love their parents warts and all. The fact that you own your decisions and love your children make you exceptional and good!

  Don't cry over spilled milk. Your kids wont. They love you and are proud of you...I am too!
• 

  pc

  Dear Blueblades,

  As I respond to your post I feel overwhelmed with all the momories of my life. It is so unbelieveable that we all can feel the exact emotion. That's what I have found comforting in reading everyone's post. The saying you have to walk in another man's shoes to know what he's going through is so poignant here. Every feeling your espouse is something most here have felt. It's almost as if we would be better off with the notion ignorance is bliss. If we just didn't find out would that be better? Absolutley not!! I'm am sorry for you for what could have been, but jubilant for what is. You are a truly loving person, for your family that is the greatest gift of all. I to have driven home sobbing for what might have been, but walk in my door, grab my children, wait for my husband and realize how lucky I am. I pray for all those here and everywhere who have lost thier families, because that is the greasest sin and saddest thing that the WATCHTOWER ORGANIZATION has caused!!! Again thank you for you post,PC
• 

  reboot

  ((((blueblades - it's ok)))))- it really is..all these feelings come out eventually,naturally, when theyre ready to be dealt with- LadyLee exlained that to me, and it's so true.

  But now you've had those feelings and they're here to be dealt with; you've got to really try to hear what we're saying.You've made up for what you did- and you did it in the first place because you loved your children so much...I' ve appologised to my children so many times- and they've had enough now! they know how we'd do anything for them- do you remember the WTBS analogy about letting your child go through the pain of an operation for health in the end?

  Thats why we did it - because we believed there was something amazing we could give them- just by those simple steps...I always felt awful taking them to meetings when they were little- but mentally pushed myself to take them even when they didnt want to go....then left early- got told off- and the cycle would start all over again...

  Their capacity to forgive is huge and (((((((you deserve to be forgiven))))))))
• 

  acsot

  (((Blueblades))) Tears are like little drops of sadness, and as you let them go, you feel a release. What you're going through is perfectly normal. You know, some fathers neglect their families due to work, sports, drink, etc. You never neglected them, you were always there with them, and always had their best interests at heart. Kids see the difference between wilful neglect and sincere interest. And your family loves you and understands, since they walked the walk as well. If anyone can understand, they can.

  The next step will be forgiving yourself. It will happen. And if more drops of sadness need to fall, let them. You'll feel better. And then tell us about it. We're here for you.
• 

  Big Tex

  but I having yet forgiven myself

  I haven't read this whole thread, but I had to stop when I read your comment Blueblades. That's really it isn't it? The pain in your chest, is really about you. And you look back now on what kind of life your family could have had, but didn't.

  There is nothing more painful than the knowledge of what might have been.

  Ask yourself this: 30 years ago, with the knowledge you had then, where you were in your life then (and realizing you would not know what was going to happen in the future), would you do anything different? If the answer is yes, then take this as a painful lesson and learn from it so you do not repeat the mistake again.

  But if, as I suspect, the answer is no then you are like the rest of us. We were all fooled. At some point everyone one of us on this board, bought the bill of goods Jehovah's Witnesses sold. What's that old saying? Fool me once shame on you ...

  For you to have raised a family as Witnesses, means there is a spark of idealism and yearning for something better inside you. And what's so wrong with that?

  You know what you really need to forgive yourself for? Not raising your children as Witnesses. You really need to forgive yourself for being too hard on yourself. It's a mistake I made with myself for years. Don't do that to yourself. You know that guy inside better than anyone, and he's hurting right now. Give him a hug, or at least a manly chuck on the shoulder. Give him a break and let the experience go.

  Be well,

  Chris
• 

  Guest 77

  Blueblades,

  Sharing your thoughts and emotions releases some of the unnecessary hurt from an org. that preaches love and unity. It's a phase or stage your going through and you'll come out the better for it. I wish I had the right salve to ease the pain.

  I've known the org. since 1948 and I've been married 41 years. Reflecting back, I'm glad I had other interests, this interest served as a cushion when it was time for me to leave. I have repeatedly said, if I'm not wanted, I'm gone! This attitude has kept me going. Another attitude I have is, since no one puts food on my table, why should I worry and be concerned about what they think of me, why? I had a life to lead and a family to support. I have practiced what Timothy said, "Certainly, if anyone does not provide for those his own, and ESPECIALLY for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith." Now, who fits this description, YOU or the ORG? They have robbed you and many others of QUALITY time with your children and wife. Because of this robbery, there is NO true happiness within the org. Fear and emotional instabilty permeates the ranks of the witnesses and their blinded to this fact.

  They have also robbed you and many others of pensions, insurance benefits when you reach the age of retirement, how sad, unloving and thoughtless of them! What did they give to Ray Franz for all his years of service? An ENRON deal!

  I wish you the best, and yes, you still have what's most important, YOU and your LOVE for the Mrs.

  Guest 77
• 

  franklin J

  Blueblades,

  You are a great parent.

  Your sensitivity for your children tells me that you are dedicated to your family and I can relate to you 100%.

  As your post said " kids are well adjusted and happy". Enough said. You and your wife did something right! A life as a JW child may have been absent of birthdays and secular holidays but does not mean that we JW children were not without guidance and love.

  I was one of those JW children who, like yours, told my folks as an adult I hold no bitterness against them for my childhood of being the "different" kid in school. It may even be the driving factor in my wanting to be so "individulaistic" about everything in my life. I have never regarded peer pressure as anything to pay attention to. If we think positively, we CAN find the good in almost every situation...yes, even growing up as a JW ( just think of the self discipline we learned!)

  You are fortunate to still have your wife with you, having shared all these memories. And children who understand and bring you comfort. You are lucky in many ways.

  Be easy on yourself; you were; and still am I am sure ; a good parent. And to your kids, that is all that matters.

  I notice you are posting from NY; so am I. Huntington Long Island. Drop me a PM and let me buy you a drink and toast to our kids.

  thanks for sharing

  regards, Frank
• 

  willyloman

  Blue: I've driven that same road home. Everything I can think of to say to you has already been said, and really well, by the rest of the "family." One of the things that helps me is this quote from poet Maya Angelou:

  "You did what you knew, until you knew better."
• 

  Special K

  AW.. (((( Blueblades)))))

  It is true, the hardest one to get to forgive us is "ourselves"..

  Keep in mind, that you have now broken that chain of J.W.'s in your family line..That is a win!..

  The J.W. organization can sure cause alot of pain and anguish ..

  take care and remember the J.W.'s are a cult, We must work through and learn from all these experiences.

  sincerely

  Special K