by jst2laws 47 Replies latest watchtower scandals
Steve,
Your story really brings to light all the things I feel are so wrong with the judicial process used by JW's.
Don't beat yourself up too much over this. You know the real truth now. Your story and the things you are doing now are helping more people than you will ever know.
If I can help in any way let me know. I live in North Georgia and maybe I can help you get in contact with Jane's daughter. Joy has my cell phone number and I'll do what I can to help.
BF
I feel like shit and deserve a kicking, because one more person I had a chance to help instead of hurt has died needlessly.
You may feel like shit, but you do not deserve to be kicked. Or if you do, then so do I.
Steve, Nina's father committed suicide almost a year ago. He was an elder for 40 years, partook of the emblems, the whole 9 yards. Since I worked at night back then, I had lunch with him once or twice a week.
I watched as the body of elders in his hall tore him down brick by brick. I felt so damn frustrated watching this happen. I knew what was going to happen. I knew where this was headed. I got him to read CofC, and I talked again and again using every tool at my disposal to save him. But when it happened, I was the one who pushed him over the edge.
Nina's mother has Alzheimer's and is in a private pay nursing home. Bill, her father, was spending all of his money to take care of her. But he was old, frail, depressed, alcoholic and a drug addict and he was, in my opinion, losing the ability to take care of himself. We had been urging him for months to move in with us, as we had the room. Then came the day last year when he stood in my kitchen and said he would spend to the last penny and would never move in to our house. For the first, and last, time since his wife was confined, I stood up to him. I wasn't angry but I was firm and told him we wanted him to move in. He was family and family takes care of each other. I told him he was going to move in.
Bill left, bought a gun and the next day killed himself.
If I had just kept silent ...
I tell myself that he was suicidal, he had already made one attempt because of something the circuit overseer had said to him. I tell myself he was going to do it again. He told me he would. I tell myself I was only trying to take care of him in the best way I knew how.
But still I can't help but think ... if I had kept silent ...
So I know a little bit of how you might be feeling. Logic says one thing, but the heart feels another. It's a very heavy burden to take something this big and put it on your shoulders.
Steve, I think I know you well enough to be able to say you have the ability and strength to accept responsibility for any transgression you have committed in your life. Just make sure you don't take on something that doesn't belong to you. From where I sit, you did the best you could with the knowledge, belief system and life experience you had at that time. That's all any of us can you know, we can only do our best. The rest, we have to let go.
Be well,
Chris
(((((Chris))))) (((((Steve))))) You guys are wonderful, with broad shoulders to help others with their burdens. I know yours are heavy too.
Nina
(((((Steve)))))
There's a French song by Jacques Brel, entitled "If you were God"; tells all the nice things you would do if you were, and ends this way:
"But you are not God,
You are much more than that:
You're a man."
Take care,
Narkissos
I was fortunate in that I never sat on a committee that DF'ed anyone, but was involved in my fair share of cases involving depression.
Little Toe: How were you or other x-elders taught to 'deal' with people that had depression? Was this fact, if
recognized, taken into account when making judgments?
Lee
Here I am waiting to go to Paradise -I pray every night "Please take me home" or "STOP the world I want to get off" Here you lot are.blaming yourselves for (you think) aiding them to get there.. I truly believe our days are mapped out long before we were born....I do believe we are ALL here for a purpose.It is a school to teach us how NOT to live in the NEW Arrangemets HE has in store. Folks go to colledge ( pity I cant spell I never went) lol. etc: to become what they want to become- be it Dr's, lawyers, etc ,etc We are in the School of life- It will have its rewards.... We will not repeat it all again... I blame myself for making my kids JWs --- We HAVE to get rid of the guilt ---it hinders our walk in the real world. This is not to say I have it down pat! I dont... I remember a neighbour of mine ( a man) wanted me to go into his home with him -to talk- I said I couldnt ! wouldnt look right ( do not give the appearance of evil) He hung himself......!!!!!Am I the Hangman?????You tell me.
Rabbit:Taught???
LOL
That's a joke, right?
I knew one Elder who ponced around claiming that he was "a trained counsellor", thanks to all the instruction received from the WTS.
He was one of the worst of the lot.
Depression is rarely taken into account, when the deeds (fruits ) are what are being examined.
I was fortunate, in that I learnt a lot from my father (who was appointed an Elder when the arrangement first came in).
He always used to say "give them the benefit of the doubt, because if they aren't repentant it'll soon come out when they just go and do it again...".
Sagely advice, even within the dictates of the WTS policies.
Surprise, surprise, they ousted him. The good or tolerant are always the first for the block.
(((Steve)))
I have just read this thread and wanted to cry for how it is making you feel.....I am wanting to give you a huge hug because you WEREN'T RESPONSIBLE for Jane's actions. I second what everybody else has written: You were just a cog in the wheel, doing what the WTBS dictated for elders.
I am MORE concerned about YOU because this situation wasn't your fault. Please be kind to yourself. You have done a lot of good for many people.
I remember how you and Joy showed me great kindness while I was suffering thru my divorce and feeling like suicide. You guys didn't even really know me, but you were so hospitable. Your kindness meant a lot to me during that time, and you both gave me STRENGTH to know that I was a WORTHY person. I will never forget how you 2 helped during my time of "crisis". I am so thankful for what you did for me.
Hugs,
Codeblue
(((Steve))) You have a pm...
Codeblue
May I just add my support.. As another ex elder with a fair number of disfellowshipping J/c's behind him.
I guess we all feel guilty looking back. How would I feel if somebody had committed suicide? I dont know, it would be a terrible burden to carry..
But the other posts are right. We were only acting as a part of an organisational structure. Hell, we thought we were acting out of love, and to protect the congregation. It is easy to be wise after the event. We have all done it . Many of us have sent off those little blue envelopes to the Society confirming the disfellowshiping of some poor person whose emotions got between them and the congo. I feel sorry too .
Where you are, we all could easily be.
