Growing up in a divided household (page 3)

Strawberryfieldsforever

Shotgun!!!!

After I finally got to honestly talk to my Dad, he said he stayed with my mother because of me!!!!!!!!!!! He said the same thing you are saying. He said she would take me away and he would never get the chance to be a part of my life.......I am so thankful he stayed. Even tho it was miserable for him, he did it for me! That means so much to me now. Hang in there! I feel for you. I am the only child. My Dad is not alone now. I didn't know his love till years later. Don't give up on your child!!!

Strawberryfieldsforever

Country Girl

Welcome SFF, and Moses! SFF: Your story was beautiful. Treasure that special Dad for the rest of ya'lls days! I was also raised in a divided household, and it was strange, to say the least.

CG

Shutterbug

Very well written and welcome to the board strawberry. It hit me when I read your account of your life that it is your mother that is out in the cold now. Her family is gone. The only friends she will have will be in the Kingdom Hall and they will disappear if she doesn't toe the latest wts line. Too many jw's don't seem to realize all of these control methods can backfire. Bug

Yerusalyim

Hi Strawberry,

Welcome to the board. What part of Germany were you in and when...I'm a military guy myself (as per my Avatar) I spent a year in Heidelberg and three years in Stuttgart.

Anyhow...my stomach turned when you mentioned your mom saying your dad would be swallowed by the earth in Armagedon...that's called mental abuse.

Glad you're getting to know Dad again...and once again...welcome

Joker10

You cannot blame religion for everything. The teasing at school was wrong. A person with convictions simply doesn't give in to what others say if they feel it is wrong. This is why you were told not to salute the flag. You blame religion because your mother never allowed for you to love your father. C'mon now. Now this is just plain stupidity. My mother, too, was a very strict person. But never did I blame the religion for her faults. Your mother had a brain, and she could have made a big difference in your life; and yet keep her faith.

larc

Joker, I agree with you that it is the right and the opbligation of a parent to raise their child as best they can, according to their beliefs. I certainly do disagree with you regarding the distance that a true believer can put between a child and a non believer. You have read several testamonials, and I could add mine. The idea of causing a mother to put enmity between the child and the father is not "plain stupidity". It is often a fact of life. Joker, you have never lived it. I wish you would try to understand it.

Navigator

SFF

I can empathize with your situation which is chillingly similar to that of my own six children. I was in the Air Force and spent most of my time in Tactical Airlift. That meant that I was away from home a great deal and unable to greatly influence the situation that my children were living in. They were taught that I would not survive Armagedon and so were reluctant to get too close to me. Besides, their mother had subtle little ways to punish those who broke the rules by attending church with me. Sick? Of course it was! But it was accepted practice for Jehovah's Witnesses regardless of what Joker says. In her sick mind, she was acting "out of love" for her children. I chose to stay in our marriage for the sake of my children and because I love my wife very deeply. It was a good decision. I'm happy to say that five of my six are free from this sick religion and several post on this board. The other would be as well except that he is married to a JW. Although my wife is a full time Pioneer, the failure of the 1975 teaching seems to have had an effect. She is not so certain as she once was. The stress of the kids leaving the religion was very hard on her and she left me for a short time. However, her JW friends proved to be not so supporting as she had expected. It was an "eye opening" experience for her. She is able to maintain some relationship with the "outed" children through me. She relishes that and bends the "rules" as much as she can. After all, I am the head of the family.

blondie

I grew up in a divided household, military at that, but with the kicker that my dad was molesting his children. He put up his own barrier between him and his children for all time. This underlying antagonism to the non-JW parent though I can theorize a little. Every meeting demonizes "worldly" people in your immediate and extended family, at work, at school, the neighbors, etc. Then JWs have to turn around and show "Chiistian" love to these people as individuals, doomed already by the WTS to eternal destruction. It gets confusing for adults and children. I have seem JW spouses use their religion as a tool against their non-JW spouse to further their ends on issues predating their becoming JWs. "The truth" makes their marriage worse rather than better.

It is hard to show respect to someone that is being labeled "bad association" and birdfood.

Blondie

PS I have seen successful divided families where everyone showed respect and love regardless of religious affiliation.

Sentinel

Hi and Welcome. Although your account of early life was similar to mine in lots of ways, just look at you now. You and your father have bridged the gap that divided you for so long and now you have a wonderful, loving relationship!

When I hear of good things like this happening, I am reminded of the words to an older song........"you saved the best for last". That is how I feel as well. I never really had the opportunity to get close to my father, although I will have to say, he was trying a bit there towards the end of his life to extend his "love". Life with mom had just ruined our family relationships along the way.

I don't place all the blame on her, but I often wonder how it would have been if dad had truly been allowed to be the head of the house and the JW event had not overtaken mom. I wonder why he didn't attempt to get close to his children, and just left everything up to her, so she also taught us that he was worldly and doomed to die. How lonely and outcast he must have felt.

He passed away a few years ago. All those "what if's" used to haunt me; but now I realize that he just went through another door that I cannot see in my present form, and someday our souls will entertwine in peace, unity and understanding.

I'm so happy you are here. Your positive attitude, your love and compassion shines through, even though you suffered for a long time.

/<

smurfette

Welcome Strawberry....

Your story is very similar to mine, minus the military part. My dad was a biker. I remember those awful Paradise book pictures and worrying about my dad too. My mom used to say really similar things to my brother and I about armageddon. She actually told us we were going to have to prepare for the day he would die in Armageddon and went into detail on the whole flesh eating birds business. I'm glad you've gotten to know your dad now. He sounds like a really good dad.

-Margy

Growing up in a divided household

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