How do you overcome SHUNNING after leaving the organization and move on?

by suavojr 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • suavojr

    It amazes me how many of you have left it all behind, including family, brothers and sisters, friends and a full network of people. I for one cannot find the courage to breakaway, and this causes me great anxiety and stress. It eats me alive to think that if I open my mouth everyone I know will simply turn their back on me. I just cannot understand where do you get your strength to overcome SHUNNING.

  • paul from cleveland
    paul from cleveland

    Shunning is very dehumanizing. It's been 22 years and I haven't overcome it.

    However now I have real friends. People that I know will never leave me.

    You do realize that you don't have any true friends in the organization don't you? All of those relationships are entirely conditional. They'll all abandon you in a heartbeat without even knowing the reason if they disfellowship you. It usually happens at the time you need friends the most.

  • talesin

    I never got over it. But when I think about living a lie, in my family, I feel physically ill. So I made the right choice for me.

    : )

    t :sunglasses:

  • dubstepped

    I focus on the freedom I have and the life I'm building with infinite possibilities. I focus on new relationships with people that actually choose me, not just people that I'm stuck in some group with. I focus on what I've got, not what I don't. Gratitude and appreciation every day for the beautiful new life that's opened up to me. I have my moments where I miss my parents of my siblings that are still in, but it is brief because I then realize that they have the cult contagion on them and that in their presence I would be exposed to toxicity. I'd love to sit with my family like old times and to shoot the breeze and laugh at life, but I have new people to do that with that care about me regardless of religious affiliation and without manipulation.

    With that said, we just DA'd in September, and we were shunned since May entirely, with our last meaningful contact with family being probably over a year ago. I do think it gets easier with time in my limited experience.

  • paul from cleveland
    paul from cleveland
    I have to think of it as similar to this scenario: I was in prison for 30 years. Then one day the warden came up to me and said I could be released under the condition that I would never be permitted to return to the prison to visit my former cellmates. I might miss them but it's much better to be free.
  • Dagney

    Shunning is dehumanizing. In a moment of clarity it struck me that I didn't want to be associated with a group that treated their fellow human beings that way. At the end of my life, I want to look back and be proud of who I was and how I lived. When I think about who I am and not who JW's want me to be, it becomes an amazingly simple choice.

    That doesn't mean I don't feel sad at times or that it is easy. I just don't want to be a aligned with those who do that to people. It's awful. Be true to yourself and do what is right for you. That my friend is the real life.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    Myself, I am in transition. There are good days and bad. Shunning is demoralizing.

    When you walk away from WT, it leaves a hugh hole in the tapestry of your life. It is possible to weave again and patch the hole but it takes time, with new people and new experiences.

    It is like being in a disaster and losing many friends. You remember the good times and move on.

    Even while I was in, there was so much back stabbing and gossiping that I couldn't take it. I only miss a few.

    Keep posting and telling us how you are. Find friends in your area that are like minded or go for a walk and enjoy your solitude. Whatever you need to find true joy and happiness.

    We all have just this one life time. Enjoy it. Be happy.


  • berrygerry

    There is no "one size fits all' to this situation.

    Family complications are obviously the biggest issue, which the Borg knows only too well.

  • airborne

    I have been lonely, sad and terrified since I DA'd in Sept. of 2014. I have also grown as a person and had extended periods of peace. Met many people at my new job and discovered the world is really not so bad people-wise.

    My choice was to be true to my conscience. I will never regret it. Those born-choose in JW's are too much anyway for the most part. The fear goes away in time. Always follow your instinct is my opinion. The path is your own to choose.

  • Simon
    It amazes me how many of you have left it all behind, including family, brothers and sisters, friends and a full network of people.

    One true friend is of far more value than all the fake friends and relatives you have ever known.

    It's not easy, certainly not at the're going through it. But once you are through it and have some genuine friends, possibly for the first time ever, it really does change your life.

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