How do you overcome SHUNNING after leaving the organization and move on?

by suavojr 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • paul from cleveland
    paul from cleveland
    That's really true Simon.
  • Alive!

    We haven't left 'family' in the organisation - as in blood relatives ( so, so grateful for that) - but we left a life of over 20 years, memories and friends who felt like family.

    I grieve the loss - every year we would holiday with a small group of friends, we had so much fun. We really did.

    I was 'aunty' to many of our friends children, I was there for the significant times in their lives.....engagements, weddings, births - and yes, baptisms.

    It's all gone. We keep our distance because it is too hard for everyone to stay close.

    We are not D/A or disfellowshipped - we just couldn't bear the manipulative and coercive words coming from the platform, the publications and more importantly the GB. We felt that the culture was sick, diseased. Couldn't do it anymore.

    Its tough, to be honest.

  • truthseekeriam

    I'm not going to say it was easy, but living a lie is much harder. I could no longer stomach listening to the outright hate they had towards anyone who lived different lifestyles then they insist upon.

    I truly don't regret moving on, especially because I'm not the same person I was as a JW and I never ever want to be that person again. I would rather have moments of sadness then a lifetime of hypocrisy.

  • kairos

    Accepting the fact that these that shun are not worth it.

    Sad at first, then happy.
    Totally over it. I do not crave any of them for associates.

    If one were to approach me, I would give them a chance.
    See where it goes.

  • smiddy

    Time and unforeseen occurrences befall us all Ecl.9:11 ,

    just because I don`t believe the bible is the inspired word of God , and that I don`t believe in the God of the Bible , does not mean that there are not good quotes /phrases that are truisms as in any philosophy or Religion .

    "Time" does have a healing effect when we grieve over something.

    "Unforeseen occurrences" You didn`t ever think you would be in a position to doubt /question/ or even abandon the Religion you thought had the" Truth"

    Life is for the living , discover what interests you and pursue it .Join clubs or community groups who have like interests Instead of viewing people as agents of Satan view them as potential real life friends .

    You can be proactive in changing your circumstances for the better or you can stagnate and bemoan what you think you have lost .The choice is ours to make.

    As they say," One door closes another opens" , but only if we let it .


  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Romans 12:21 - "Don't allow evil to conquer you, but keep conquering the evil with goodness."

    Just be prepared to act kindly towards such blinded J.W.'s when their eyes are opened by the Org's corruptions, because it's happening daily to many of them.

  • jwfacts

    You never overcome it, so to move on you need to mourned it.

    After I was disfellowshipped, I eventually recognised my family would never accept me as part of their life, and mourned as if they had died. That is an important step in order to be able to move on.

  • snugglebunny

    I prepared, but I had the time because I knew what was coming. I established a new social scene for myself because even though I wasn't going to make friends too quickly, I wasn't going to sit around on my own and mope. So I joined various clubs and organisations just to keep busy.

    I also made sure that I wasn't going to put myself in a position where someone could cut me dead. That would have been so demeaning and bad for my self esteem. Instead I made sure that I was the one who turned away. That worked so well because, on several occasions people said to me: "Hey! It's us who are shunning you, OK?"

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    i resigned in 1971--no one shunned me--untill 10 years later when it was announced i was now "apostate" ( i hadnt been attending any meetings for a long while ). my dub-wife also divorced me. ( adultery )

    my kids started to shun me as they became young adults---by then i had remarried. i had no contact from then since--except the older son--who was d/f a few years ago--we are now very close.

    however--his mother shuns him. so she has never seen her new grandson. but i do---and will be staying with them at christmas !

    not seen my younger son for many years now--i dont even know his address.

    i see my oldest--my daughter--from a distance--we live in the same town. but--no contact.

    i had no clue all this would happen --back then--34 years ago.

  • done4good

    Simon-One true friend is of far more value than all the fake friends and relatives you have ever known.

    Very true. When I left 10 years ago, losing relatives and fake friends meant very little. Almost all JWs I knew fell into this fake friend category.

    I did lose a good JW friend though much more recently, (2 years ago), and that pain never goes away.

    Living a lie is NOT an option though.


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