Holidays are a hard time for some...

Billygoat

I really try hard every year to keep Christmas in perspective. The tree is lovely, the smells of good food are yummy, presents are great to give and receive, but I really try to remember that it is a time of celebration and family. It is a time for ME to celebrate the birth of my friend Jesus Christ. He has been such a blessing to my life. Without Him, I would literally be dead. He's pulled me through so much.

Christmas is a time for me to be thankful for all that I have. I have much! I have a wonderful husband that doesn't even compare to anyone else in my life - he blows everyone out of the water. (Thank you Mozzer!) I have a great job that pays well and is fun to work in. I am excited to see our household make a dent in our debt and still be able to enjoy a few nice extras now and then. But I am truly blessed with some wonderful "family". Neil, his parents, his siblings, our friends from this board, friends from church, work, etc...everyone has a special place in my heart. I truly feel like my cup has "runneth over". But even with all of these blessings...I have such a hard time during the holidays. I miss my parents so badly, I feel like there is a hole in my soul. I want to be able to sit in my daddy's lap and just hug him like I used to when I was little. I want to be in the kitchen with my mom, testing out a new recipe and joking about how badly my last "test" went. I want to hear my brothers wrestling and teasing each other in the background. I want MY family.

Neil's dad once told me that he and his wife would never attempt to take the place of my parents. But they would love me as THEIR child. For that I am thankful. They love me more than my parents were ever capable of. I guess I'm not just sad because I don't have my parents in my life. I am also sad that they are not capable of loving unconditionally. It makes my heart break for them. I cry for not just myself, but I cry for their loss of a daughter. I'm a good kid. I'm sweet, funny, kind, loving, successful. I don't mean to brag, but I'd like to have a daughter like me. *smile*

Christmas is also about hope for the future. Hope that things will get better. Hope that anything can happen. Maybe not in the way we expect them, but in a way that's always best for us in the long run. I've survived losing my family. I've survived losing my faith. I've survived a rape. I've survived mistakes from my very own bad decisions. But in the long run, knowing WHO I AM, would I have changed anything? Honestly, I can't say that I would. I am who I am because of these things. And though I'm still enduring some pains in my life, I like who I am. Still room for improvement, of course - there always is, but considering where I've come from, I could be WAAAY worse.

I am feeling very thankful this season. Sad, but thankful. Perhaps like Joseph in the bible, one day I (and others here) will be reunited with our families that gave us up for good. That's always a good thing to hope for. Thanks for listening.

Mushy Christmas sentiments,

Andi

Dansk

Mushy Christmas Sentiments Returned

Ian, Claire, Karl & Dominic

xxxx

Nikita

((((((((((Andi)))))))))))

Christmas is hard for me as well. I love it for all the reasons you mentioned. But, it is also a melancholy time because for one thing my Mom's birthday would gave been Dec. 1st and for another, it was the BIG time of year when she and my little brother & their pug, would always come down from Philly and spend time with us. I just miss that so much!! (Mom died in 1994 at the young age of 48.)

We'd go to church Christmas Eve, come back and "pig out" on munchies while listening to xmas music or watching some xmas tv program and finish decorating the tree. Then, the next day, we'd all gather round the tree and open our presents one at at a time-thereby prolonging the event and savoring every moment together. More than one time, we'd get snowed in!

Now, hopefully, I am creating some precious memories with my daughter. They are just as special to me. But, the daughter in me wants time with Mom, the way it used to be only better-'cause now she'd have grandchildren to share them with.

Mushy Christmas sentiments as well,

Nikita

calamityjane

I share your sentiments billygoat. If it wasn't for my hubby's side of the family I would truly feel like an orphan.

xjw's parents live in B.C. so our Christmas dinner is usually pretty small just the five of us. This year it was to be just four of us as our older daughter won't be coming into town until January. But today my spirits were lifted as one of our close friends called today to see if my offer was still open for them to come over for Christmas dinner, so now our house will not feel so empty that day.

Christmas is a time to share and be with friends, if you can't be with family.

Have a wonderful Christmas.

Love

cj

MegaDude

Hi Billygoat,

I can totally relate to what you're saying. In a perfect world it would be so great if our JW relatives would have the strength, God's spirit, love, personal principles, guts, whatever, to think outside cult mind control.

When these feelings of loss of friends and relatives in the Watchtower well up within me, I find it helpful to concentrate on the bad times I had with these people and what motivated me to come to the conclusion it was worth it to lose them rather than stay in the big lie that the Watchtower perpetrates. I find this simple technique brings sad emotions back from wishful thinking and emotional anguish to a calmer state; and that I would choose to lose these people out of my life again if faced with the same circumstances and, more importantly, that my decision was one I respect myself for and am happy I made.

Losing my JW family members and friends was personally emotionally devastating for me. But I can still remember how cold they were and how they termed it "my fault" for destroying the relationships because I was an "apostate," someone so patently evil, debased, that they couldn't even speak to me after years of closeness. It's difficult for me to get the warm fuzzies about these people when I remember how horribly they treated me, how they remain loyal to a cult that hurts people so badly, how they are controlled by fear.

Elsewhere

As a single guy, I can relate.

I love the holidays.

I love Christmas.

I love New Years.

I love exchanging gifts and cards.

But here is the problem... I'm single and I do all of these things alone. When I'm doing these things there is always a deep sadness because something is missing: Someone special to share it with.

Billygoat

(((((Ian and Claire & boys)))))

You are in my prayers many times! I pray for your daughter along with my parents. I feel like we're in similar positions, just our roles are reversed. Thank you for all your encouragement over the last several months! I REALLY appreciate it. I wish you for the Merriest of Christmas'!

Nikita,

Now, hopefully, I am creating some precious memories with my daughter. They are just as special to me. But, the daughter in me wants time with Mom, the way it used to be only better-'cause now she'd have grandchildren to share them with.

You are! Do not minimize her experience with you. Those moments are precious to her too. As she gets older, they will become more precious. I understand the "daughter" in you. That is what I feel too.

Calamity Jane,

If it wasn't for my hubby's side of the family I would truly feel like an orphan.

Such a great way to word that. Orphan. I do understand. As much as I hate to say it, there have been times in my life that I wished my parents were dead. It would be easier to cope if they didn't love me because they had been given over to Death. When they choose to not love, it's so hard to deal with.

((((Jerry))))

I've officially adopted you as my older brother! I hope Roo and Jade don't mind having a 7th Japanese sibling. Would your father mind?

You have helped me through so many tear-filled and heart-broken moments. You always have a sound reasoning behind your words and it is so NOT the way I think. Even yesterday I was contemplating sending them pictures from the wedding (again!). But your words to me of "why would you send something so precious to them, that they deemed too evil to attend?" just haunted my thoughts. So I bucked up and didn't send them anything (again!). Baby steps!

But I can still remember how cold they were and how they termed it "my fault" for destroying the relationships because I was an "apostate," someone so patently evil, debased, that they couldn't even speak to me after years of closeness.

I need to remember that. I need to remember my father kicking me out of the house. Telling me to "get your $*** out of the house in 48 hours and NEVER come back." I need to remember the hole he punched into the wall because I ducked. I need to remember them coldly telling me they wouldn't come to my wedding last year because of my standing in Jehovah's eyes. I KNOW without a doubt that my standing in front of God is fine. That I am an imperfect Child of His that loves him and does her best. I know that He loves me back. And I know that it is God's eyes I should worry about. Not my parents. But I still miss them. You hear of stories of wounded war veterans that still have phantom pains over a limb that's been missing for years. I "get" that! I really do.

Elsewhere,

It will happen when you least expect it! Trust me. When Mozzer and I started dating, I had given up on men. I was about to join a convent. But on our first date, something completely unexpected clicked. And he hasn't been able to get rid of me since. LOL! And considering how many mistletoe smoochies you got at the Christmas party, I doubt you'll be waiting much longer!

Thank you all for responding. Today is day of healing for me. My heart was broken last night and today I feel as if the fog is lifting.

Love,

Andi

Holidays are a hard time for some...

Billygoat

Dansk

Nikita

calamityjane

MegaDude

Elsewhere

Billygoat

SixofNine

Elsewhere

Billygoat

Share this