Welcome Iam. We have a friend who moved to the US nine years ago from Denmark. She is such a breath of fresh air. Glad to have you on board and hope to here your experience on what woke you up. Take care. Still Totally ADD
I am happier when i am out
Welcome to the rest of your life, IamWhatIam. I enjoy life much better on the outside of that religion.
Here is my experience.
I am not a Danish. When i first arrived in DK, because it is so different from where i come from (i am from China), i desperately need some friends. Then one day, i met my Bible teacher, very soon after i arrived in DK. At that time, my knowledge about Bible is basically 0. He looks very kind and paticient. Then we started to talk. As you all know, after one talk, there will be return visits. My bible teacher is a really nice person, even today, i still believe he is nice. And if there is something i miss about the organization, it is him and some other brothers and sisters. After four years of brian washing, i baptized (to be fair, i didnt totally agree. But i like them. there is a comparimize). I thought everything will be good since i have all those good sisters and brothers. But i was wrong. After i baptized, they have lots of requirements on me. I am Chinese and they really want to develop the Chinese community. So those highly spirited ones always imply me to quit my job and then to take a part time job as a windown cleaner. I spend 15 years in school to become an engineer and you want me to give it up to do something has nothing to do with my education? The pressure is bigger and bigger. Not only on my career, but also on my personal life. I even have to think twice what i write on my facebook or instgram. Yes. They judge what you have writen. I like making jokes and they even told me i cannt make this or that kind of joke. I also be judged when i associate with other friends who are not JWers. They just told me they are low moral stardard and i should spend time with them (but in fact, they are very nice friends. why shouldnt i associate with them?). I also fell in love with a girl who is not JWer. Then 2 elders come to visit me and ask me to break up with her. I refused. Then the pressure came. They starts to isolate me because i refuse to break up with her. In the end, i surrended. And that is the thing i really feel regret. The thing made me decide to leave is their attitude. After four years of baptizing, i am still not an elder or Pioneer since i have full time job and dont have that much time to be a pioneer. Then some highly spirit brothers think i was not spirital enough and refused to talk with me. I switched to the English Congregation three years ago and there is a highly spiritaled brother never talk with me just because i am not as spirital as he expected. And after four years of baptized, more and more high spirital brothers joined and make a distance from me, even i didnt break any rules, just because i didnt meet théir expectations to be a pioneer. I had a very closed friend in it and he told me about the reason (he had many doubts too but for family issue, he didnt dare to quit). I felt so disappointed. Why should i follow a life the elders designed for me? Why i cannt be just a ordinary member who doesnt want to be a pioneer? Another thing makes me think is i knew some scandals which makes me think do they really behavor like they said. One of the brothers in the congregation sexually harrassed my friend. She is a chinese student here who once attend one meeting and several memorials. Then this brother likes here and keep sexually harrass her for almost three years. She is my friend and she told me. This scandal was finally reported to the elders in October 2017 and he is disfellowshipped. But unfortunitely, he is back again as a brother and i am pretty sure he didnt repent because he is harrassing another Chinese girl and now i am encouraging her to report him again. Another scandal i know is in Beijing. A special pioneer from UK had sexually harrassed dozens of his students or even sisters. One of the sisters i know reported him to the elders but got 0 reply. The elders coverred it up and even forbid her to tell others. I am her friend and she told me with enough proof including videos by hidden camero. After all these scandels i know, it makes me rethink what is wrong with the organization and the way they deal with scandals. For the Danish brother who was disfellowshipped and returned, if the victim is not my friend, i would never know why he was disfellowshipped. The elders just cover it up without telling others the reason. Just simply tell the rest someone is disfellowshipped without any details. How many similar scandals could be hide behind? We were ask not to ask, not to talk, or even not to mention. It is at that moment i finally realized i was a fool, who is fooled by their innocient looks while there are lots of potential scandals being hiden by elders. Then i quit. I finished my last weekend meeting in late Jan. 2018 and huged all the ones i loved. When i arrived home, i wrote an email to all of them announcing i quit and the reason why i quit and block all their emails, deleting all their phone numebers,etc. I dont want to have any kind of connection with them anymore. The thing i didnt succeed is to pursade my best jw friend to quit. He has so many doubts and different ideas, but he doesnt have enough courage to get out of it. I really feel sorry to him.
Now, i didnt have any pressure or isolation just because i didnt spend 70 hours in preaching or i was not a pioneer yet. Now i can do my job in a happy way without elders telling me to quit my job to be window cleaner. Now i can make any jokes i like or comment on any news without worrying some elders will come to visit me for the comments or jokes i made. Now if i find any scandal or evil things, i can report to the police directly without worring will this bring bad impression about the congregation or not. Now i can pursue the one i love without worrying to be forced to break up with. The outside world is much better than you think. It is never as bad as they described. I would quote a sentence from TV series ´Friends´, which they dont want me to watch, ´welcome to the real world. It sucks. But you will love it´. And to those of whom are still in doubt whether you can survive in this world, just try it and you will love it. Finnally, wish you all have a nice life and freedom. You deserve it.
Great to hear you're out IamWhatIam, welcome from England!.
Another great story with a Happy Ending! Thanks for sharing that, and WELCOME! We will NEVER shun you!
The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!
Welcome iamwhatiam - I also left this year and I'm so happy now as well.
You'll discover so many lies the society told us. Life and most people outside the religion are not like what the society told us. Although a lot of jws are nice they are conditional friends because they'll drop anyone who leaves the religion. I know much nicer, more genuine friends now and we all have different beliefs but we are great friends.
"I thought everything will be good since i have all those good sisters and brothers. But i was wrong."
The myth of brotherly love is a sham, as we all have found, whatever land you are in. My family grumble but will insist that it is just this congregation, it would be better elsewhere.....not true
Your thread says life is better outside...... it sure is!
''Your thread says life is better outside...... it sure is!''
Yup. The only regret you hear from those who have exited the Borg, is that they ''wish they would have done it wayyyy sooner!!'' That's the only regret they have.
Welcome Iamwhatlam! Everyone has opinions to share and it is amazing how similar our issues our. You come from two different cultures and traditions and we understand immediately what you are saying and what you experienced as a JW. Obedience First!
When I first found this forum, even being out for some 45 years, I read the comments and thought not only did I understand what they were saying but this was my lost tribe!
Please note re posting. Some times when we press the 'POST REPLY' it takes a moment sometime 10 or 20 seconds to send your post and/or replies. Newbies think it didn't post so they hit the post reply again and wind up with the same paragragh repeated.
The owner of this forum 'Simon' has cautioned us to wait and give it some time. If you try again two or three posts will pile up. This happened to me when I posted a very long introduction. People on here are busy and there's a lot to read so they move along.
If you get a second repeat post or more you can delete it within 30 minutes or correct what you wrote. When you post at the bottom it will have Edit to make changes or Cancel. hit Save and it will re-post your corrected version.
From the responses you've gotten a lot of us want to follow your journey.
WOW what a story.😲 Thank you. Still Totally ADD